ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Forever Grateful or Forever Lost? Adopted Bipolar and Happy With my Dutch Family

Updated on May 31, 2013

Part two and Part three for sure belong to the rest of my story

Happy to be adopted!
Happy to be adopted! | Source

The Weakest Babies Die

"So where are you from?" The typical question you get when people meet you for the very first time. In Spain, where I live right now, I tell them I'm from Holland. And I am. I have a Dutch Passport and my native language is Dutch.

"You don't look Dutch at all." And I don't. I was adopted when I was nine months old. An orphan I was, waiting for my new Dutch parents, somewhere in Bogotá, Colombia. I was sick like most of the babies at the orphanage.

Medical care was lousy and still is. It was all about survival of the fittest. The weakest babies died before celebrating their first year. I didn't. I wanted to live.

That Special Girl

The bonding process with my biological mother has never had a chance. I'm not sure what the impact has been on my adult life. I don't feel abandoned by my biological parents and I can't remember hating them, for leaving me behind.

My Dutch parents told me from the age of four that I was adopted. To me it was a fun thing to know. I was different. I had something the other kids in my class didn't have. My skin color wasn't the pale one, my parents had. I was proud for being that special girl. The one with different parents. It made me feel good.

Then when I got older, puberty made things complicated. I suddenly felt extremely lonely. I didn't fit in nowhere. I was insecure and my self esteem was low. Depression got a hold of me although I never went to a doctor. My parents assumed it had to do with puberty in general and the fact that I might be struggling with my identity. I never felt that way. I knew there was something wrong, but I could never guess how my life was about to be turned upside down.


I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was 23. It all fell into place. The depressions, the mood-swings, the extreme behaviour and the problems I had with my adoptive parents. The fights we'd been having and the misunderstandings, which made me feel completely alone in my struggles as an adolescent and later on in life.

In the midst of my twenties, my parents saw a mentally ill, Latina woman, looking quite different from the future daughter they had in mind. Very ill and very lonely I was, but I finally reached some stability after six long and exhausting years. By that time, I had cursed my adoptive parents more than a million times, trying to make them feel as lousy as I did. For years in a row, I felt so ashamed, for having cursed my parents and for having hated them so much. Bipolar Disorder is a bitch for most of us and can indeed destroy lives. In our family it almost did.

Forever Grateful

Having fun with my mum next to me, my dad on the left with one of our dear friends. One of the few recent pictures I have with both of my parents.
Having fun with my mum next to me, my dad on the left with one of our dear friends. One of the few recent pictures I have with both of my parents. | Source

Love in Her Heart

Forever grateful I am, to the parents that raised me. They taught me so much about life and even more important.....they gave me their unconditional love. The fact that they couldn't have children of their own, maybe made them more committed to their role as a parent.

When picking me up at the orphanage in Bogotá, they couldn't have known about my Bipolar Disorder, hidden somewhere in my DNA. A serious mental illness that would test their love for me, until the bitter end. I wished for many times they didn't have to go through all that, but life somehow likes to test us human beings.

Such as my biological mother was too. A human being, love in her heart for the little girl she gave birth to. Forever grateful I am to her and my biological father, for having given me the opportunity, to live a life with so much more quality and chances, in order to develop myself into a happy, balanced and strong woman, always determined enough to reach new goals in life.

Bogotá, Colombia

get directions

Where I was born

The Netherlands:

get directions

Where my adoptive parents were born

Valencia, Spain:
Valencia, Spanje

get directions

Where I live currently

A Birthmother Has Three Options. One of Those Is Abortion. Mark Was Adopted and Tells You Why He's Forever Grateful.

Fighting Demons

Most parents being able to give up their precious baby, must be doing this out of an enormous amount of unconditional love. True, mine were just 17 and 18 years old. Still in school and not in the position of raising a child, but it must have been tough, leaving their baby-girl behind.

Somehow I hope for adoptive children to see, there is more to being adopted than just you. Mostly when adoptive children start a family of their own, they suddenly start to think differently. Or they feel even more abandoned, or they see how difficult it must be, to leave your child in the hands of some strangers.

How to feel when you're adopted, is of course extremely personal. No one can dictate how you should feel, nor can anyone dismiss those feelings, however I seem to be an exception to the rule. My adoptive brother, also from Colombia, and friends I have, who are adopted like me, appear to be haunted by that basic feeling of being left behind by their biological parents.

Forever lost they seem to be, looking for answers, fighting their demons, in order to gain some peace in what they call....that cruel reality. Left behind, thrown away, not important, forever lost. What's it like to feel that way and how come I have never felt like that? Why am I forever grateful, honestly happy and completely satisfied? Even more interesting....Why haven't I searched for my biological parents yet? How come I have never looked for my roots?

Answers I will find, knowledge I will share in part two of my memories as an adoptive child.

Mark's Song and Touching Videoclip


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)