Forgiving and letting go

I understand that every one of us has problems in our lives. Some of us can deal with family problems and secrets quickly. Once I learned about every dirty secret in my family I want to die. Why didn't someone do something?

There are family secrets of Child Molestation, drugs, and abuse because there is no way to teach people how. There are parents that are mentally ill and not a clue how to handle the children they have. My mother, who is passed now, had the mental illness' problem. She had one other daughter who she had already screwed up.

My sister has gone through years of counseling and still hasn't forgiven our mother. Me, I am beginning to realize that it is in the past. What mother did can only continue to hurt if I let it? I can't say that I am one hundred percent at the point of forgiveness. Each day I have struggled with some things she said or did. I remember some of the things that happened and realized maybe it wasn't all bad. I am finally able to look back and see some good times. I always swore I would never be like my mother and I hope that I'm not. I noticed when I had weird feelings I went to a doctor and together we are working to get rid of them.

It is funny when I think back over my counseling. I have been hard on them. I have had three. It always seemed that when it got time to discuss my mother the counselor would quit. Finally, I got a new counselor and asked if we could start with my mother and the answer was yes. One session made it all clear. What mom had done to me was in the past. I no longer had to listen to the tape in my head of my mother's cruel hurting words. I could be different. I wasn't ugly.