ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Family and Parenting»
  • Parenting Skills, Styles & Advice

Four Signs It's Time to Ask for Help

Updated on June 1, 2012

If you’re like me, you struggle to ask for help. I resist the vulnerability of admitting my needs. I feel that if I can handle something, I should. I don’t want to inconvenience anyone, and I hate to spend a penny on tasks I can do. Lately, though, I’ve been realizing that sometimes accepting help makes a lot of sense.

To discern whether we need help, we’ll want to carefully weigh the unique factors surrounding a decision. I’ve indentified four clues that it’s time to reach out.

I suspect that an expert could dig up more information than I can.

Recently, I sat outside the tax office perusing an old tax return, my divorce settlement, and an audit letter from the IRS. The IRS wanted to collect on alimony they thought I hadn’t reported. Trouble was, I wasn’t even divorced during the months they were questioning. It seemed simple enough – all I had to do was copy my settlement and write a short letter explaining the situation. Why pay someone else to do it? But I’d heard horror stories about IRS audits, so I kept my appointment.

The tax expert slowly and thoroughly read my documents. He detected phrases and sentences that I would never have noticed. He noticed potential wording issues that the IRS might question. He had access to a myriad of detailed laws, and he deftly compiled the facts into a compelling response to the IRS. By the end of my appointment, I felt relieved that I hadn’t attempted this one myself.

I sense something is wrong, but I feel no one can help.

Sometimes, we think a situation is beyond help. One of my children suffers from allergies. Each time he had a new allergic reaction, the doctors’ response was the same: “It’s hard to pinpoint. Take some Benadryl.” Lately, my son’s fatigue had greatly increased. Changes to diet helped somewhat, but my son wasn’t thriving. In my state of learned helplessness, I believed we just had to live with it. I felt powerless.

I took him to a nutritionist, who administered a routine urine test. It revealed that his fatigue was not due to allergies, but to a life-threatening auto-immune disease! The nutritionist’s skill had delivered an answer, despite my sense of hopelessness.

Thankfully, this disease is manageable. I’m unspeakably grateful for the nutritionist and the doctors, whose care guided my son back to vibrant health. If we’re feeling helpless, it’s time to reach out.

The task is accomplished better and faster by someone with the appropriate gifting.

I used to take a cavalier attitude toward everything that broke around the house. “Let’s look it up!” I’d suggest. “How hard can it be?” I wanted my children to learn repair skills. However, there’s a reason God gave different talents to everyone.

One of my goals as a parent is to help my kids excel in their talents. I try to limit the time and energy we spend on unrelated tasks. My kids and I have learned to use a power drill and hammer, and we handle many small repairs. Theoretically, we could probably learn to fix major household items, too. But honestly, we aren’t gifted in this area, and bigger projects would detour my kids from pursuing their main passions. These monster projects simply aren’t worth the time.

Our front door is a slider. For months, it grated harshly along its runner, gradually becoming harder to move. One Saturday morning, it would not budge. I knew from experience that this type of repair could wreck our day. If we attempted it, my kids and I would likely end up exhausted and crabby in a house with no front door.

I decided to mention the situation on Facebook. One friend’s husband is a gifted contractor. He came by that very day, and presto – our door was back in action! Best of all, we saw community in action. My friends had supported me with their skills, and I had supported them financially.

I sense that my friends and I need community.

A good friend once advised me, “Part of humility is receiving love.” It’s true; pride often stops us from accepting help. Asking for help is both humbling and reassuring. Receiving from others reminds us that we’re not alone and gives others a chance to use their gifts in community.

Two days before Christmas, when my kids were little, we moved to our current house. Two of the kids were ill. The floors were unfinished, so I couldn’t arrange the furniture. I had no phone and the water coming out of the faucets was yellow. The weather was bad. The kitchen was torn out, so I couldn’t cook. “Oh well,” said my brave eight year old son. “I guess we won’t have Christmas this year.”

“Yes, we will,” I assured him.

My parents and several families had helped us move, but my most heart-warming memory is seeing one couple haul a Christmas tree through the piles of boxes and set it up under our skylight. That was one of our merriest Christmases!

We may hesitate to ask for help because we fear our request will be denied. It is a risk; but isn’t everything that’s worthwhile?

What prompts you to ask for help?

Help arrives in many forms.
Help arrives in many forms.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Collisa profile image

      Columba Smith 5 years ago from California

      Very true, Steadman. I've felt the same way, and it's wonderful to realize people actually want to help. thanks for commenting!

    • Steadman11 profile image

      Steadman11 5 years ago

      Before I met my husband, I was a single parent for 2 years, and I found it difficult to ask for help as well. I felt that in order to be a responsible adult and parent, I should be able to overcome difficulties on my own. I worried that by asking for help, that it would come off as me taking advantage of someone and their willingness to help. I realize now that loved one's WANT to help. It gives them an opportunity to show how much they care for you, and besides, they know you would do the same for you, were the situations reversed. Great hub!

    • Collisa profile image

      Columba Smith 5 years ago from California

      Thanks so much, kelleyward! Yes, it is true that people do want to help. Realizing that I'm actually giving othres an opportunity to feel good about who they are makes it easier to ask.

      Thanks, shampa sadhya! It's taken a while for me to learn, and it will probably always be humbling to reach out for me, but worth it. : )

    • shampa sadhya profile image

      Shampa Sadhya 5 years ago from NEW DELHI, INDIA

      Voted up and useful!

      A nice hub with a great message. I must say a perfect attitude towards life.Thanks for writing such a beautiful hub and sharing it.

    • profile image

      kelleyward 5 years ago

      This is a great hub with an important message. I use to also suffer with this condition, not asking for help and only wanted to help others. But then I realized I was being prideful not humble. So I've tried to practice asking for help from others more often and it's been a humbling but also rewarding experience. Most people want to help others, especially their friends and family. Voted up and shared. Kelley

    • Collisa profile image

      Columba Smith 5 years ago from California

      Right on, Sunshine! I am learning to reach out. Even if I can't give back right away, I don't forget a kindness. It does come back full circle in the end.

      Thanks, Billybuc! You're a great example.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Great hub! The best part was "part of humility is receiving love." I'm big on humility and minimizing ego and I love your message.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I use to have a problem with asking for help. I don't anymore. I always give back what I receive. Excellent hub! Looking forward to the follow:)

    • Collisa profile image

      Columba Smith 5 years ago from California

      Thanks, Au fait and Angela! @Au fait, we miss our Duchess! She was another big help. I wrote about her on my blog recently. @Angela, glad the hub is helpful. : )

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      This was good information.

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 5 years ago from North Texas

      Some good advice. It's true that legalese has some magical wording and if it's missing problems may, and probably will ensue. Love your picture of the Christmas tree with the dog curled up underneath!

      Voting you up!

      Thanks for the follow!

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      GREAT HUB! Humility is asking for help. One of Gods gifts!

    • Collisa profile image

      Columba Smith 5 years ago from California

      Yes, it took me a long time to accept that I can't do everything. Thanks for reading!

    • michememe profile image

      Miche Wro 5 years ago

      As a single parent I have learned this. Asking for help when needed, when I have tried everything. It's hard when you are independent as you don't want to look helpless. The power is knowing when you can't do it alone.