How To Be A Great Boyfriend To A Mom In Five Easy Steps
Step 1. Ask Yourself "Is This For You?"
First before you even begin dating someone with children, you have to understand one very important thing. This person will not choose you over her child. No matter how great you think you are or wealthy you may be. Even if you were the king of the universe, In her eyes the child comes first to anyone or anything no matter what.
Now, knowing that, you need to ask yourself. "Can I accept that?" If you can than that's good. You're off to a great start and you can continue your relationship with this person. If not then you need to know that there is no shame in admitting it. Believe me, It is way better to end it now before going too far down the line and letting anything negatively effect a young person's life. You need to end it quick. If you are having trouble finding the words, just simply explain that you have no interests in having any children in your life right now.
Step 2. Don't Shy Away From Introductions
Of course some single parents may be a little apprehensive about introducing you to their children right away. But if they do want to introduce you, don't shy away from it or be scared. If the child is young, likely they will just see you as just another friend to play with. They will likely show you their favorite toy or ask you to play video games with them. You may even enjoy it and find yourself feeling like a kid again.
For older children, They may be a little more on the shy side. They might require a little bit of light conversation to open up to the idea of you. Don't be offended and don't be forceful with the conversation. See if you two share a common interest and try your best to relate to each other.
When the introductions occur no one knows how exactly it will all go. It may be good or it may be bad, but one thing is for certain, by the end of it, you and your girlfriend will have a greater understanding of how to proceed with your current relationship and it will make things better for the both of you in the long run.
Introducing Yourself To Her Children
Step 3. Know Your Role
Now we've come to the real test. How are things going to take shape now that the introductions have been made and the relationship has started it's course? You could find a few things hard to deal with at first. A child requires alot of attention from their parent. Don't let this surprise you and don't be jealous by it. These will be the things that you may have to get used to and understand.
For instance lets say that you, your girlfriend, and her child go to a grocery store. The child spots something that they want, but your girlfriend says. "No!" Now the child begins to cry and throw a tantrum at the store. You feel like you need to do something. What is the correct thing to do in that situation? As a Step Boyfriend you need to correctly understand your role in the relationship. You are their to help SUPPORT the mother.
What you can do is help reinforce what your girlfriend said to the child in a non abrasive tone and help them understand that they should mind their mother. If done correctly, this will show both your girlfriend and her child that you are supportive and willing to give back up whenever it is needed. The child will also recognize this and will hopefully stop throwing the tantrum. The main objective for the Step Boyfriend here though is to not lose his temper.
What Do You Do
You go to a pool party with your girlfriend and her child. He is five years old and is too scared to get in the pool even though he is wearing a life vest. What do you do?
Step 4. Inclusion
So you have already met your girlfriend's child and built up a nice little relationship. One night you decide that you want to go out to the movies with your girlfriend and you give her a call. Except she tells you she can't cause she is alone with her child. Of course there are those few nights where a babysitter could be implemented or maybe a grandparent, but if you really are ready to accept this child into your life, than you need to know that most of the time, you should include them too.
The best thing to do is realize this now and make plans for all of you to go out and spend time together. You may even be pleasantly surprised by the effect it will have on your relationship and feel yourselves grow closer in the process.
How to react with misbehavior
Your girlfriend's child is bending an expensive object at an electronic store. You reach for the object, but the child resists. What do you do?
Step 5. Your Role In Discipline
If you took the above quiz and read the choice questions, then you can understand how tense a situation like this may be. In this scenario, you, your girlfriend and your girlfriend's child are at an electronics store. She decided to leave you with the child and you are both looking at very expensive phones. For some reason the child takes a phone package and starts squeezing it tightly in their hands. You want to get the item away because it's very expensive. What did you choose?
I know for a lot of men that the very first thought that popped into their mind was to smack the child's hand and take the box away. This is wrong! No matter how you may feel in the moment it is never okay for a Step Boyfriend to physically punish a child that is not his. This responsibility falls solely on the biological parent. Sure their may be instances where the Biological parent has asked you to punish their child for them, but It is still definitely not okay for you to go out on your own and punish them yourself.
Keep your cool. Don't lose your head and Get the mother's attention.
In conclusion those are the things that you need to remember in order to maintain a healthy, happy relationship with your girlfriend and her child. I know it may all seem a little bit awkward at first, and you may have a few hurdles every once in a while, but if you follow my steps and take my advice, you may find that dating this woman who already had children to be the best decision you ever made in your life.
Now, I would like to leave you with a very cool video on how you and your girlfriend's children can spend some free time together having fun and being creative.