- Family and Parenting
How to Get your Parents to Let you Do More
Teens Want Parents to Allow Them More Personal Freedoms Need to Do More
There are so many fun things about being a teenager. Hanging out with friends, going places, doing things outside the house. One of the things that is not fun is when your parents won't let you do the things that you want to do.
There are easy solutions to get what you want. I am a mom, and I will tell you right here what it takes to impress the parents in your life that you are responsible and ready to take on more of the world!
Before you read any further, let me tell you this- freedom isn't free. It takes a lot of work to get what you want, but the rewards are worth it.
Be a Helpful Kid to Your Parents to Encourage Privileges!
Want your parents to be helpful to you? Be helpful to them. A warning: Don't try and be crafty. Be honest. Honesty is appreciated far more than most people know.
The best conversation my son ever had with me went like this:
"I want to talk to you about something. I want to go to a concert in two months. I am willing to pay for the gas. I know that you don't want me to go, but I want to prove to you that I am responsible enough to go. Between now and then, if you agree to it, I will do all my chores without being asked. I will do extra stuff every day without being asked. I will wash your car every other weekend without being asked. If I don't do all of these things, you can tear up my concert ticket in front of me, and I won't even complain."
I looked at him and said "You still will have the same curfew. Is it worth it to you to only see part of the concert?"
My son replied "If I bring home all good grades this next report card, can I have a one night reprieve from my curfew and come home as soon as the concert is over?"
I told my son that I would need to think about it for a week. After a week with no nagging from my son, I agreed. My son worked without complaint. He was happy, cheerful and did get all of the things done that he said he would. The night of the concert, he went with some friends and did come home as soon as the concert was over. It was a turning point for us, because he was honest, with no game playing, and no hidden agenda.
Don't Take the First Refusal of What You Want to Do Personally
When my son wanted to camp out in the woods with his friends, many miles from the nearest town, I refused. I was concerned about what they would do in the event of an emergency.
He was angry, and he stormed and sulked around for several weeks. That really locked into my head that I had made the right decision, and that my son was not ready for some freedoms just yet.
You may think that you are ready to conquer the world, and that you can do it all on your own, but your parents want you to be safe and sound. (Kind of neat that they care for you and stuff!)
My son was not allowed to go camping far away from the world. He was allowed to camp on some friends' property where we could call on his phone and check on him. If your parent/s say no to your one request, ask if there is compromise that will work for the both of you. Be willing to not get your offer accepted, and have a comp.
If you are refused part or all of your request, don't lose your temper. Thank them for listening, and just walk away. Trust me. Whining from a child only makes our resolve become stronger, firming up our decision as being the right one.
Teens Wanting More Freedom Need to be Kinder
Want to impress your parents?
- Clean your room without being asked. Don't go on and on about it. Believe it or not, we see that your room is clean.
- Do chores that you are supposed to do without being asked or nagged about it.
- Make sure that your grades are solid and that you are not going through any problems with school or friends.
- Try getting along with your parents and your siblings. Not for just a day. Try to really get along with your family.
- Walk the dog
- Check the mail.
- Be the helpful, responsible person that you want to be treated as being.
When my son's chores were only to clean the kitchen and check the mail, he was not getting either chore done. We took away his allowance. He did not care, because he did not have anything he wanted to do with his money. Once he was dating, his chores were done, because he could not leave the house until they were done. Don't make your parents have to be "the bad guy". We don't like it anymore than you do.
Getting More Rights as a Teen Means Saying Thank You
So, you asked for more rights or freedoms, and your parents gave them to you. Express your sincere thanks and gratitude to them. Gushing for a moment is nice, we all like to hear how awesome we are, but something more meaningful is showing it in ways that speak to our hearts.
When my son got to go to that concert, we knew that as soon as the concert was over, he would be back to his old ways, and it would be a struggle to get the mail checked by him.
Boy, were we wrong! He continued being kind and helpful. The next time he wanted to go out, we let him. He had proven that he was responsible and deserved to have some freedoms! Keep up your kind and helpful nature, and you will get the same back in return. If you borrow clothing, return it clean. Borrow the car? Replace the gas,or add more gas to the tank than what you used. (Tell us about the gas, sometimes, we might not notice that one!) You get the idea.
Borrowed things should come back nice-clean and folded or clean and hung up. Borrowed money should come back fast. If you wreck something, lose it, stain it or damage it, come clean about it and have an action plan to make it right.
Thank You comes from the heart, and you should mean it, not just yell "Thanks, Mom, you're the coolest!" as you run from the room, elated that you got what you wanted.
Teens Wanting More Responsibility Should Never Compare Themselves to Other Teens
Want to know how to get a parent to stop listening to your plea for more freedoms? Tell us how one of your friends gets to do, go or have something. It is not that we don't care. It is that you are our child.
Our values may be very different than that of your friend. Our budget may be very different. We may feel that the experience you are wanting to have is not something that you are ready for yet. We may even be planning to let you have that experience/item in the future.
Comparing yourself to your friends is basically asking us to give in to peer pressure. You are attempting to manipulate us by bullying us. That is not cool.
If you are wanting to have a new freedom in your life, make an honest list for yourself. Ask yourself honestly these questions:
- Have I been as good a student as I can be in school?
- Have I been as good a sibling as I can be?
- Have I been helpful around the house?
- Have I had a cheerful attitude towards my family and friends?
- Have I recently been in any trouble or been grounded?
- Am I asking for something that is reasonable or unreasonable?
- Is this something I could be hurt doing?
- Am I asking to go somewhere or do something to cover up doing something else?
- If this is something that costs money, who do I think will pay for it? Do we have the money if it is not me? Am I willing or able to pay for some or all of what I am asking for?
- What have I done to prove that I am responsible enough to do this?
What a list! Think about these questions, because it is likely that your parents may ask some of these questions. Being prepared with good answers is a way to share that you have thought this through, and that it is not simply a fleeting thought.
When You Mess Up After Getting What You Want
My son had been grounded for a week. He begged to go to the school dance. We let him, with the promise made he would be home on time.
He dragged himself in 3 hours late. The first thing he did was apologize and not make excuses for his behavior. The next thing he did was listen to what we had to say and go to bed.
When we woke up the next morning, the kitchen was spotless and he was mowing the lawn. A letter on the table expressed his sorrow about what happened. We only grounded him for a week because of his genuine actions of making up to us what he had done wrong.
We all mess up and we are all human. Admitting a mistake with no excuses is a valuable tool.
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