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When Should a Stay at Home Mom Start to Persue Her Own Dreams.
All With Good Intentions
Mothers who make the decision to stay at home and raise their children will most likely tell you their intentions were to stay home for a while, then when the time was right they would continue to pursue their own dreams.
Many will confess that as time went by and the children began school the right time just never came. The field trips, assembly's, music recitals and sports would always take precedence over anything you might want to do.
The feeling of being needed would all too often overpower the feeling of needing to do something for yourself.
After a while your dreams and ambitions might start to fade; you could rationalize your hesitation by telling yourself " I'll just wait until they are grown", or you actually wait until the kids are grown and wouldn't you know it the grandkids come along. Oh well your old anyways, and life has been good so why shake the rattle by changing things up. Right?
That's what I thought until a few years ago.
Don't get me wrong I absolutely love that I was fortunate enough to stay home and spend so much time with my children but what about now? I still feel obligated to be home, just in case. Or answer the phone every time it rings, just in case. I still have dreams and I still have time.
Do You Want to be Needed More, or Do You Need to Want More?
I remember thinking being needed was the best thing in the world. I had a purpose every day. I was a mom, a wife and I had a good life. I felt selfish every time I began to think about my dreams and how much time it would take to achieve them.
I had more excuses than babies have dirty diapers. My husband would tell me to go for it but I could never justify stealing time from my family for my own personal gain.
I would take jobs to satisfy my need to feel like I was accomplishing something but in the end, I was never really satisfied. I managed to keep my mind off that nagging old dream that was always sitting just out of reach.
Eventually, I completely buried the idea of pursuing my dreams, until one day I woke up and the kids were gone, the husband was at work and my house was empty. Empty house syndrome kicked in and my heart was lost.
Life changed so fast that it didn't matter what I was doing my phone was attached to my hip just in case the kids needed something or my husband needed something. I remember working on a roof with my husband and he said " I am going to duck tape that phone to your head so you can still work" haha.
Needless to say, I had to start thinking about me. Wow, that was a new concept and not easily grasped. So my journey began starting with learning that it was O.K. to think about what I wanted.
A Little Help Please! Where To Begin
Figuring out what I wanted for myself was no overnight journey; in fact, I am still working out the details.
First I had to decide what my dream was. I had to come to a conclusion whether my dream was more about monetary gain or fulfillment. I needed to decide if my dream was still my dream? I wasn't sure that a fifth grader could really have a dream that would last more than twenty years. I racked my brain and went through several ideas of what the perfect career would be.
I went over my skills and my lack of education. I began to try things that I thought for sure would be the perfect fit for me. I began convincing myself that just getting a job that paid well would be good enough,
I tried telemarketing, thinking that my grandmother always telling me" I had a gift to gab" was some kind of sign,( ha ha) not quite. I tried online communication and venue marketing, all huge disasters.
I had help with this one. Luckily my husband reminded me that my dream was and always has been to tell a story. My story. He had to remind me that I didn't need to worry about making money, he has always been adamant that he would take care of me. That's when I realized it wasn't money that I sought; it was doing something that I enjoyed and could be proud of. My wheels started turning and that old dream just wouldn't go away.
I then had to decide how I was going to go about this task. I had been out of school for over twenty years. I wasn't sure if I could still remember how to write, so I did what seemed natural, I went back to school. This was a good lesson for me.I spent money I did not have and a whole lot of time only to find out I still did not like school.
After one semester I bailed out gracefully feeling more and more confused. I probably should have taken a little more time to investigate my options.
I started doubting whether or not this was still my dream. I tried several more jobs and nothing seemed to fill that urge to sit down and just write anything. I called it writer's block but in all reality, it was writers laziness and a whole lot of self-doubt.
All of a sudden tragedy struck our family and I needed to learn how to cope. I sat down with a piece of paper and a pen and wrote my first poem in twenty years. After several months and a full notebook, I had told my story.
I know have one published novel that went absolutely nowhere. But that's o.k. I had more excuses. I had grandkids. I was needed once again.
I took a couple more years off before realizing I was not ready to give up on my dream. Here I go again.
Follow Your Dreams
It's Your Dream, How You Get There isn't Important, It's Getting There That Counts
I guess the reason I am writing this is to remind all of us that being a mom, wife, and grandma will always be our greatest achievement, but knowing that we are still allowed to reach for our dreams and achieve them when our time is right will be our greatest lesson.
Our dreams do not have to interfere with being a stay at home moms and we don't have to give them up to raise our children, we just have to figure out what they are and how to get there. We have to know when the time is right and what we look to gain from them. Our lives are our own destiny with a few mountains to climb and a few valleys to walk through. Maybe a few years to wait and a couple starts and stops but ultimately they are worth something to us or they wouldn't be dreams that we hold onto.
Today you are reading my dream come true. Thank You