Life After Baby: For the Moms

Many times after becoming a mother we are sought after as the sole source of everything that binds our families together. And in being that source we can end up giving all of ourselves to everyone and everything around us. As a result of that we have nothing left for- us.

If you follow the Red Table Talk like I do, with Jada Pinkett Smith, you may have seen an episode where Gabrielle Union Wade puts this exact type of situation into perfect words. Link to video below.

Jada and Gabrielle discuss how when you are a "people pleaser" you have a problem saying no, therefor putting your sanity and peace at your own expense. How you sacrifice your life and career to enhance those around you in order to be the good wife and the good mother, while you end up with nothing left for yourself. Which in retrospect is not healthy for anyone. If you are continually giving and giving to those around you, you will eventually end up empty with nothing left to give for yourself or anyone around you.

Manage Your Time Differently

Learn to give yourself some happiness. 99% of the time were waiting on someone anyways, so make it worth your while. Whether it is stopping at Dunkin' Donuts and grabbing an ice coffee or making yourself a healthy breakfast and eating it in peace and quiet. Take the time and make the time for your happiness! Small adjustments in your schedule can make a huge difference.

If Someone Offers You Help- Take It!

It really does take a tribe. As women and as mothers we are a community all in ourselves. Many times after having children people will offer to babysit or assist with things you do on your day to day. Accept the help! There is no shame in accepting help from a friend or relative close to you, especially one who has been where you are.

In fact, you just might strengthen some relationships with people who are already in your life. Children and babies have a strange way of bringing people together. I can tell you for one, that my sister-in-law and I are so much closer now since having my son. I know that I can call her and she will be there for me and vice versa. Not to mention, our children get to form a close knit bond from a young age.

Let's not forget that the grandparents are constantly saying how deprived they are of their grandchildren. Leave them with their grandparents for a few hours. Let them build those bonds and let yourself get a pedicure.

Set Boundaries

Many times people do not see what really goes on in our day to day lives as mothers and wives. People may think it is easy to just drop what were doing or pick up doing something last minute, when we all know it's not. Learn to set healthy boundaries. Once you do you'll feel a whole lot better and chances are people will automatically know for the next time around.

My son is on a strict schedule for sleep, because if he is off of it he will wake up 2-3 times per night. And you can bet that I am the one getting up with him at 2 am and 4 am. Let me repeat that, I am the one who will be getting up with him. I often struggle with some of my family and friends not remembering or knowing this and planning late plans after he will be in bed and expecting him to come. Instead of compromising my sanity and sleep I simply say we cannot attend and let them know why. This way for next time, they will know and we can figure out something to do earlier that works for both of us.

Learn to Say No Without an Explanation

Just say no. It can be scary to say no for some people because we are so concerned with what other people will think or say about us. Say no anyways. Chances are that people will talk regardless of what you do.

We end up concerning ourselves so much with what other people think of us, whether we are a good mother or a good wife, that we forget that what's really important is what we think about ourselves.

You should not feel guilty for doing something for yourself. Now, I am not telling you to go out every weekend and get trashed at happy hour. But I am telling you that it is okay for you to go out for a night with your girlfriends and have a cocktail. Or maybe you just want to use that gift certificate to the spa down the street, you know, before it expires.

If you are a stay at home mother you might feel that it is even more of a struggle to get alone time, especially since when your spouse is off, you're still in the home ready to help. Not to mention, anytime you leave the house your little one is most likely with you. Communicate with your spouse and tell them you have plans for the morning, afternoon, night, whenever. Their gym schedule can take a back seat one day a week for you to get some peace and quiet.

All in all, if we remember that taking care of our mind, body, and soul is a priority, then we can be the best versions of ourselves. We can be the best mother, wife, friend, and many other roles that we are made to fill. So go on, show yourself a little love!