Parenting: Motherhood - An Enriching Experience

When you ‘sign up’ to be a mother, there is no turning back! (Of course there are always exceptions to the rule).

The good Lord Blessed me with two wonderful daughters and they are the centre of my life. I know that they belong to God, but he has chosen me to be their mother in their journey through life and I see this as the greatest honor that could be bestowed upon any woman.

I have been to university, done a Master’s Degree and a Bachelor’s Degree; I have attended countless workshops, seminars and consultations; I have taken several online courses. None of these have given me the wisdom, knowledge and practical experience that motherhood has done. Motherhood provides on-the-job training which allows you to make mistakes and learn from them and become a stronger, wiser and better person.

A mother is given a heart that expands infinitely and the factor which triggers it to expand is called LOVE. A mother’s love is like none other. It is selfless, forgiving, protective, generous and bold. It spills over and out and there is enough for her children as well as their friends.This I have learned through walking the journey of motherhood, with its uphills, downhills, twists and turns.

1. Selflessness – Love is never selfish and so a mother cannot be selfish toward her children. She is ready to put them first and give them the best that she can give even if it means sacrificing her own needs and dedicating all her time, efforts and resources. A mother will endure pain, suffering, hard times and misery for the sake of her child. She focuses on the happiness and well-being of her child; she puts her child first and herself next.
2. Forgiveness – Love is also forgiving and a mother's heart which is full of love finds it impossible to harbor unforgiveness. Children will always get parents mad about something or other, but the bad feeling, the hurt or resentment will go away because love covers everything. I discipline my children when there is reason to do so and in the measure required, but I never withhold my love from them and I have always made sure that they know that I am there for them 100% no matter what. It should never be that children are afraid to approach their mother about something because they feel unforgiven or unloved.
3. Protectiveness – Protectiveness is a natural quality in a mother; some mothers tend to be overly protective while others lean towards permissiveness. Good parenting calls for the proper balance between the two. The formula that I have used is to loosen the reins gradually as my daughters grew older. I have always believed that children should be trusted with more responsibility for their own welfare and safety as they move from one stage in life to another. Nonetheless, I continue to be protective deep down even now that they are grown up. My metaphor for a protective mother is a mother hen with her chicks. The mother hen which, ordinarily, is quite docile will fiercely attack anyone or anything that she perceives to be a threat to her chicks. I have seen it happen on several occasions and so when my friends call me a mother hen, I know exactly what they mean.
4. Generosity – Essentially, a mother gives of herself; a loving heart gives generously. However, among all else that she gives, a mother gives of her time. Children need their mothers’ time. You can give all the material things that it is possible to give; but if you do not make the time to talk to your children, to listen to them, spend time with them, have fun with them, you will eventually lose them. They will go elsewhere seeking the attention which is lacking at home.
5. Boldness – A mother learns to be bold if that’s what is needed to help or protect her child. She will probably put up with stuff such as abuse, rejection, discrimination, etc. of herself. However, when her child becomes the subject of one of these ills, she is quite likely to blow up, speak out or stand up for her child. I know that’s me for sure.

There is nothing too big or too little that I would not do for my daughters. I guess I spoil them shamelessly – not in the sense of encouraging them to be lazy, irresponsible, unappreciative or selfish. Rather it is the spoiling or pampering which reassures them that they are loved. For example, now that they are both away from home, studying overseas, the house is empty and silent. I look forward to the breaks when they can come home and fill the house with joy and laughter making it home again. I begin preparing for their home coming months in advance. Every time, I think of a fresh idea for decorating their bedrooms, I shop for all the local foods which they love and which they don’t get when they are away from home. I prepare special welcome treats like their favorite cake decorated in a particular theme, fruit and candy hampers, balloons and flowers. Everywhere is dusted, polished and sweaky clean. I derive as much joy from doing it as they do from enjoying it when they arrive. I usually take my vacation to coincide with their home coming; that way I can pamper them even more

Motherhood is definitely a wonderful and enriching experience and you are much better for having gone through it. Some people only really appreciate the beauty of the experience in retrospect. For example, it is when the children are grown and have left home, you feel the void left by their absence and you yearn for the noise, the laughter and even the bothersome moments when you had to scold them into behaving. I recall when my six brothers had all left home, my mother said pensively one day, " I wish the boys were here so I could at least say Trevor behave! Chrispin stop it!" You might even miss having to tidy up after them and find that your house does not look lived in any more. You recap the all the peculiar things which they did and said as they grew up and all the little incidents which stand out in your memory and become treasures and stories to share with your grandchildren in later years.

Absentee mothers miss this valuable life experience and women who have mothered children other than their own are worthy of a double portion of Blessings. To never have walked the road of motherhood is, for a woman, to never have fully lived.