- Family and Parenting
Parents Getting Respect VS Children Giving Respect
You Get What You Give
You get what you give, isn't that the saying? Doesn't everybody want respect, and do you have to give it to get it? Do children deserve as much respect as adults? Some of you will want to come through the screen after my answer.
We've all wanted respect at one time or another, sometimes getting it, and sometimes wishing we hadn;t asked for it in the first place It's that need to be able to voice an opinion, to feel validated for having one, and sometimes just to know that someone cares enough to listen. But do we have to give it to get it, and are children entitled to an equal amount of respect?
The Answer Is Yes And The Reason Is This
I'm sure if we all thought back there has been a time when we have been humiliated, diminished to a point of wanting to crawl in a hole and never come out, to be able to be 10 ft tall and crush the person that was making those feelings happen. It's happened to all of us at one time or another whether it be a boss, a parent, a relative, etc., and something we will not forget anytime soon. In fact sometimes something will happen that will trigger that memory and this is how I know this to be true.
I was in the grocery store with a friend of mine not to long ago, shopping, usual stuff, when I heard this screaming. I turned around and found a mother yelling at a child who couldn't have been more than 7. She was calling him a stupid little *!!#** Why did you pick that up? I'm gonna beat your *^! when you get home. I was in shock, he looked at me as if his world was coming to an end, and my stomach sank to my knees as she yanked him by the arm almost draggig him around the corner. Tears came to my eyes. I wanted to, well we won't go there because what I wanted to do was the same identical thing she was doing to him! "Put them in their place" as some would say. My question is where is their place? Don't children want to be respected as much as we do?
I remembered on the way home as I was venting to my friend why that urge to just, well you know, came over me. When I was in my teens I worked at a bowling alley. My boss one day over what was admitly a stupid mistake "Put me in my place" as he put it when my father called to tell him I wouldn't be back. I will never forget that day because there I was in front of God, customers, other employees, seemed like an auditorium full of people to me, being immoralized, ridiculed, and diminished over a stupid little mistake, that took a whoping 3 minutes to fix.
What Goes Around Comes Around
Isn't that the way we try and justify our actions. We think that hey, they deserve it. They did it to me so why not. Or the I'll show them not to ever do that again I'll humiliate him/her in front of everybody. That will make them stop. Watch this. Or thats the way my parents did it so it must be right. Wow just think if we did everything the same as we did 20 years ago.
The point I'm tryng to make is that when we disrespect another human being no matter what their age a normal reacton is to give it back 10 fold, (and that's a minimum) It's fight or flight Either fight your way out or run for the hills.. It doesn't matter if it's yelling, spanking, demeaning them by calling them stupid, an idiot, etc. What were doing just makes them think Oh ok I get it that's what I should be doing. Why not your the parent. Aren't you supposed to be the mentor, role model, teaching them the proper ways to do things.
We wonder why children hollar, scream, hit, and yes sometimes even beat their parents, and elders when sometimes we need to take a good look in he mirror. I AM NOT SAYING that is an excuse for their actions. Believe me I've done it I didn't know any better What I am saying is maybe if you looked them straight in the eye and gave them some respect and a reason, (other than "Because I said so) that you might get a little respect right back.
If the saying is true "What goes around comes around", doesn't it make sense that it would work the same way for respect. Maybe you should try it out. You might just get the respect you not only want but deserve
Have you ever sat down with your child, looked them straight in the eye, and asked them what they thought about something, and really cared what the answer was? Oh, we ask alright, as were doing dishes, or watching tv, or any of our other numerous daily activities. But just sat down one on one and have them look at you as if they were looking straight into your heart and just let them feel validated, respected, and possibly that what they are telling you could influence a decision.
I promise you that if you make it a habit, (21 days in a row thats what they tell me) it will make a tremendous difference in the respect, and connection with your children. In fact you might even try it with some other family members.
Today we teach and advertise about new technology, computers, phones, games, the internet, but when's the last time you saw a new revolution on parenting advertised? It's not somethng we discuss, it's personal, almost private, and like were already supposed to know.
So make a connection with your children. Try it, what's the worst that could happen? You find out how they honestly feel, or what really bothering them.
Make it an incredible day. Talk to ya soon