ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Stay at Home Mom or Working Mom? How My Grown Children Feel About the Choice I Made

Updated on May 12, 2021

A Response to TamCor's Third and Final Question

This hub is written in answer to the last of three questions asked by TamCor at the end of her hub Stay at home mom vs Working Mom How to decide which to be

The question is

"If your kids are grown, how do they feel about the choice you made?"


An Email to My Daughter

I think that this final hub has given me the most joy and it is the one that I haven’t had to write.

I wrote an email to my daughter telling her about TamCor’s three questions. In the email I asked her if she would answer the final question for me so that I could write this final hub.

My daughter’s answer was so well written that I asked her if I could just use it as it was for the content of this hub. I know that I could not write anything that would be half as good or relevant as my daughter's own words.

Bless her heart she said I could. So here in my daughter's own words is how she feels about the choice I made to be a stay at home mum.

I just added some sub headings.

My Beautiful Daughter

My beautiful daughter with her boys
My beautiful daughter with her boys

My Daughter's Emailed Response

In answer to your question "If your kids are grown, how do they feel about the choice you made?"

I would answer that I feel very happy that you were a stay at home mum but I think that had a lot to do with the fact that 'you' always seemed to be happy with the choice you made. I think that had you felt any resentment or reluctance in that decision it would have manifested itself in your attitude and behaviour towards us.

I have no memory of you ever making any negative comments about being "stuck" at home or "lumbered" with us - I never got the feeling that you had somewhere "better" to be or something more interesting to do.

The Choice Should be One that the Woman Gets to Make

I believe staying at home or going to work should be a decision women feel they get to make or choose - unfortunately that is not always the case for many women due to financial or situational circumstances. With that in mind I feel privileged that you were able to make that decision.

I feel grateful that you made the decision you did because I know, and appreciate, that it was a trade off - you had to make sacrifices. However, I wouldn't change my childhood for all the money in the world.

Wanted and Loved

I grew up knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I was wanted and loved and that is golden. I see so many people struggling through life making poor decisions based on a lack of love and appreciation for their own self worth - they expect so little of themselves and others.

I believe that low self worth comes from growing up without a safe and nurturing home life. Families take on all different guises these days with single parents, step parents, same sex parents, grandparent parents etc and I truly believe it doesn't matter 'who' loves you so long as someone does and they do so unconditionally, unquestioningly and unceasingly - which you always did.

Making the Right Decision

I personally don't think there is only one 'right' way for women to parent their children with regard to staying home or not. I think there is only one 'right' answer for each mum and only she can make it.

If they make the 'right' decision for themselves they will ensure their own sense of well being which will transfer to their children. It is not the quantity of time that is spent with a child but the quality.

"When Mum's Happy, Everyone's Happy!"

There is a saying I have heard a lot over here which is "When mum's happy, everyone's happy!"

I believe you were happy staying at home with us and that made me happy. Thank you. I love you x

My Son's Response

As you know from reading this series of hubs I have two children, I asked my son to read both the question and his sisters response to it which he did. I then asked him for his opinion about what his sister had written and if his experience had been any different.

His response was much shorter than his sisters, he said that he felt exactly the same as his sister did about his own childhood but that he could not have articulated it so well as she had.

A Mother's Pride

When I see what wonderful caring people my children grew up into I feel an overwhelming sense of pride.

Even to this day I still get compliments about my adult children. I am often told what nice people they are and how I should be proud of them.

When I read my daughter’s response it was validation to me that I had made the right choice for our family.

It is a real joy to see the wonderful woman that she has become. She is thoughtful, intelligent, caring, funny, generous, kind, and compassionate.

She is also a cat lover and rescuer. She is a fighter for the rights of the underprivileged and always ready to give anyone a helping hand.

She believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt and giving people a second chance.

My son is like his sister except for the cats, but in much more laid back way.

I think that the choice I made when they were young to be a stay at home mum played a part in how they have turned out.

I Actually Did Get To Have It All

I believe my choice to be a stay at home mum played a small part in the way my children turned out to be such wonderful people.

But most of the credit has to go to both of them because the way they are is mostly down to the choices that they have made.

This has been the story of one very happy and contented stay at home mum who actually did get to have it all.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)