Stay at Home Mom or Working Mom? How My Grown Children Feel About the Choice I Made
A response to TamCor's third and final question
This hub is written in answer to the last of three questions asked by TamCor at the end of her hub Stay at home mom vs Working Mom How to decide which to be
The question is
"If your kids are grown, how do they feel about the choice you made?"
An email to my daughter
I think that this final hub has given me the most joy and it is the one that I haven’t had to write.
I wrote an email to my daughter telling her about TamCor’s three questions. In the email I asked her if she would answer the final question for me so that I could write this final hub.
My daughter’s answer was so well written that I asked her if I could just use it as it was for the content of this hub. I know that I could not write anything that would be half as good or relevant as my daughter's own words.
Bless her heart she said I could. So here in my daughter's own words is how she feels about the choice I made to be a stay at home mum.
I just added some sub headings.
My Beautiful Daughter
My Daughter's emailed response
In answer to your question "If your kids are grown, how do they feel about the choice you made?"
I would answer that I feel very happy that you were a stay at home mum but I think that had a lot to do with the fact that 'you' always seemed to be happy with the choice you made. I think that had you felt any resentment or reluctance in that decision it would have manifested itself in your attitude and behaviour towards us.
I have no memory of you ever making any negative comments about being "stuck" at home or "lumbered" with us - I never got the feeling that you had somewhere "better" to be or something more interesting to do.
The choice should be one that the woman's gets to make
I believe staying at home or going to work should be a decision women feel they get to make or choose - unfortunately that is not always the case for many women due to financial or situational circumstances. With that in mind I feel privileged that you were able to make that decision.
I feel grateful that you made the decision you did because I know, and appreciate, that it was a trade off - you had to make sacrifices. However, I wouldn't change my childhood for all the money in the world.
Wanted and loved
I grew up knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I was wanted and loved and that is golden. I see so many people struggling through life making poor decisions based on a lack of love and appreciation for their own self worth - they expect so little of themselves and others.
I believe that low self worth comes from growing up without a safe and nurturing home life. Families take on all different guises these days with single parents, step parents, same sex parents, grandparent parents etc and I truly believe it doesn't matter 'who' loves you so long as someone does and they do so unconditionally, unquestioningly and unceasingly - which you always did.
Making the right decision
I personally don't think there is only one 'right' way for women to parent their children with regard to staying home or not. I think there is only one 'right' answer for each mum and only she can make it.
If they make the 'right' decision for themselves they will ensure their own sense of well being which will transfer to their children. It is not the quantity of time that is spent with a child but the quality.
"When mum's happy, everyone's happy!"
There is a saying I have heard a lot over here which is "When mum's happy, everyone's happy!"
I believe you were happy staying at home with us and that made me happy. Thank you. I love you x
My son's response
As you know from reading this series of hubs I have two children, I asked my son to read both the question and his sisters response to it which he did. I then asked him for his opinion about what his sister had written and if his experience had been any different.
His response was much shorter than his sisters, he said that he felt exactly the same as his sister did about his own childhood but that he could not have articulated it so well as she had.
A Mother's Pride
When I see what wonderful caring people my children grew up into I feel an overwhelming sense of pride.
Even to this day I still get compliments about my adult children. I am often told what nice people they are and how I should be proud of them.
When I read my daughter’s response it was validation to me that I had made the right choice for our family.
It is a real joy to see the wonderful woman that she has become. She is thoughtful, intelligent, caring, funny, generous, kind, and compassionate.
She is also a cat lover and rescuer. She is a fighter for the rights of the underprivileged and always ready to give anyone a helping hand.
She believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt and giving people a second chance.
My son is like his sister except for the cats, but in much more laid back way.
I think that the choice I made when they were young to be a stay at home mum played a part in how they have turned out.
I actually did get to have it all
I believe my choice to be a stay at home mum played a small part in the way my children turned out to be such wonderful people.
But most of the credit has to go to both of them because the way they are is mostly down to the choices that they have made.
This has been the story of one very happy and contented stay at home mum who actually did get to have it all.