That Is Why They Call It Work

We hear about working mothers in the news all the time, but what does this phrase really mean? Before I had my baby, I didn't think that mothers in the workplace were that different than me. In fact, it seemed to me that they even had things a little easier. They were never asked to work late because everyone knew they had to pick their kids up from daycare. They seemed to get more time off because a sick child usually meant an extra sick day for them. And, they had great excuses for not looking all together "with it" when it came to their wardrobe for the day.

"My child spilled his juice on me this morning," a mother would say. Or, "I didn't have time to go to the cleaners, so this was the best I could do."

It didn't seem very fair to me, back when I was a hard-working, non-mother throughout my 20s and most of my 30s. But, then my daughter was born and my professional and personal lives have never been the same!

What does it mean to people today when they hear about a "working mother?" I used to think that meant a woman who had a career and a family. In a sense, she had it all. What's so hard about that? Right? Wrong!

A career and a family are two highly-demanding life choices that are often at odds with one another and who is caught in the middle? Mom! Simply by being female, we are naturally more emotional which can make even seemingly simple choices very heartwrenching. I used to wonder why so many women would take maternity leave and then never come back. They must have planned it that way all along, I assumed. Again, wrong!

Many women may plan to have a child and not return to the workforce, but for others the choice is made only once their child has been born and they realize what a truly life-altering event has just occurred. A baby is so helpless, so innocent and so precious. You don't realize the effect that holding your own child can have on your emotions until you actually experience it. All the things in your life that used to be so important can suddenly seem like a lifetime ago and completely unimportant. How could I possibly return to work when my most important job in life is obviously to take care of this precious baby?

That is, of course, until reality sets in and you realize that your income is necessary to maintain your lifestyle. And, this new baby just added a lot more expenses to your household budget... diapers, formula, baby gear, nursery furniture, etc. It really adds up! Can you survive without returning to work? If you have a husband with an extremely well-paying and stable position, you may be able to swing it. For the rest of us, returning to work is something we must do, regardless of what our hearts tell us.

So, you find daycare and suffer your own version of separation anxiety over leaving your child in someone else's care for the majority of the day, five days a week. You return to work, but you cannot tell your heart what to do. It seems to have a mind of its own. Work is no longer your passion, it is your warden. So, what do you do?

I've tried working a less demanding job, working part-time, working from home and adjusting my budget to allow me to stay home. None of these solutions have worked so far and my child is now 3 years old. My family is deeper in debt than ever, but my child is happy because she has had more time with me than she would have if I would have continued my pre-baby work schedule. I see the benefits to her in the short-term, but when I look at our financial needs in the long-term, this grinding halt in my career path has not been very healthy for us.

So, after several half-hearted attempts to make ends meet, I'm finally determined to jump back into the "rat race" and find a job that will actually pay me what I'm worth. But, the economy does not seem to be cooperating. There is more competition out there than ever and good job descriptions seem to be nothing but formalities for a company already planning to hire internal candidates. I have had several "scams" positioned to me as great job leads which I fortunately was able to detect even though they wasted my time. I haven't conducted a real job search since the early 1990s.

So, does anyone out there have any good advice? Do I just randomly search these job boards? Do I need to hide the fact that I'm a Mom because employers will assume I will need too much time off? Should I be insulted that one interviewer flat out told me that my age (40) is a problem? Is it fair that this "lull" in my career means having to accept a position for a lot less than I'm worth? (I've been told I shouldn't expect to make more than my maximum in a previous job even if the going rate today is much higher.) Do I need to hire a career consultant? There sure are a lot of them out there today. And what about all these recruiters I hear about? Am I supposed to market myself to them? Where's my instruction book? As soon as someone finishes writing the one about how to be a good parent, can they please write the step-by-step guide for a mom's return to work?

And, my husband is great and spends a lot of time with our baby, but does it seem fair to you that he hasn't had to go through any of this emotional dilemma that I have? Are men just conditioned to keep their emotions in check and get back to work? And, why are the women the only ones who have to leave work early to pick up the baby at daycare? I don't think I've ever heard of a man with that same issue much less the wardrobe and style concerns that the moms in the office discuss.

I will find a way to make it all work. I have no choice. We could lose our home to foreclosure if I don't find a job soon. And even if my child loves to have me home, she won't love it so much when there isn't a home for us. It's tough out there. And, unlike the picture of the working mother I attached to this article, I can't type very efficiently with only one hand, can you? And working from home would definitely not include getting dressed in a business suit. I think the mom in the photo must be a little batty if she's still getting dressed just to sit at her home computer every day. And, I'm sure that baby was only that perfect for that one single photo. What they didn't show is all the other photo attempts where the baby was crying, drooling, squirmming, yelling, biting and everything else that babies do.

Let's get real and help each other out here. If you have any answers, I'm listening!