The Benefits and Advantages of a Blended Step-Family
My parents divorced when I was 14 years old. My father remarried when I was 18 or 19. I met my stepmother at their wedding. I have two step sisters and one stepbrother.
My family before the divorce wasn’t close. My father tended to avoid the household rather than be involved. So when he remarried, all the sudden he had 3 children (step) that he treated much different than my brother, sister and I. It was as if we were replaced and he could be the dad he never was with us, to them.
His new wife claimed she was so happy to have us at her wedding but it was obvious she was happy not to have us in the picture. Her children were hers, and his, well, gone. He began a new chapter without including the old.
Because of his past relations with his children, he was afraid to involve us in his new. We became a curse. If we were involved, his marriage would fail.
Luckily for us, his wife saw that and beyond. He was introduced to religion and eventually let us in. We could now be apart of the family, rather than the family before.
Where is The Loyalty?
Help For A "Step-Family" To Become a "Family"
It is a big no-no to talk with my mom about my dad and his wife. My mom is still so angry that she says horrible things to me about them and a lot of times in front of my kids. So, I try not to do it because my children don’t need to have the loyalty conflict. They don't know which side to be on, they shouldn't have to.
It’s so bad that my mom and dad aren’t allowed in the same room; so birthdays and concerts of my children are not possible. It is unfortunate for my children, but is what we must do to retain some kind of harmony.
Although I did not “grow-up” with a step family there are definite advantages. Holidays are full of joy and so many people. Holidays before were just the 5 of us, fighting, crying and full of hatred. Now there is at least 15-20 people who are not blood related to me but are my family and treat me as such. I used to feel inferior to them, like they were better than me because of my “real” family. But they accept me and mine as who and what we are and that is the true advantage.
It is Bliss
My dad and step-mom or "mom" as I call her now, have been married for almost 20 years. Things have definitely changed for the better. My step brother and sisters are my brother and sisters, they are aunts and uncle to my children. My dads wife is grandma and we are a family. It’s nice because growing up, time with my family was hell, but with this acquired family, it is bliss.
Divorce with children is hard, adapting to the "steps" can be hard too, but if done right it can be wonderful.