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The Significance of a Father in the Boy to Man Transition

Updated on January 8, 2012

The traditional way of raising men is slowly fading away in the 21st century world of parental (fatherly) emotional abandonment, and the encouragement of docility amongst growing men. I won't use the term boy because that is not what a young man is, he is a growing man.

Have we noticed a change in the personality, expectations, actions, responsibilities, and mentality of a man in the twenty first century? How men have went from aggressive to docile, protective to cowardly, to the point where we let people hurt our family and friends in the name of authority or outright fear? In2011, society indoctrinates men with the idea that there is no need for protection. The state and the police will defend you in every way, but we know this to be a false ideology. We all know that help comes later and most of the time to late. So it is up to the Father to equip his son with courage, heart, and a mission to defend his family against whomever, whenever, and at all cost. With the absence of this value, the young man growing up without this teaching becomes unmoral and individualistic in character.

Getting into a few arguments and scuffles were a regular part of a boy’s development throughout history. Only in today's society do we see the diagnoses of anger problem, temper complex, or criminal behavior when a young man shows the slightest form of aggression (unless directed toward a more accepted form of aggression like sports). So we have a father in the position of either teaching his son to be aggressive and risk his son being targeted for just that, or effeminize the kid, risk him becoming a potential victim of somebody overtly aggressive. A young man that is not being bread to be aggressive is essentially no threat to a superior aggressive male, mentally or physically. For the lack of physical aggression may often trickle to the brain and lead to mental submission. A man may be as smart or as intellectual as they come, but rendered a mere tool for a more aggressive male. A man is instinctively bound to be the protector of his family, before there is the regulation of the state there is supposed to be regulation by the father. How can one get the respect of his family when he doesn't respect himself?

The father as the nurturer in the family is also on a decline. Far too often the father’s ability to nurture his son is undervalued. It comes a point in a young boy’s life when they just need to be left to their father, they will always cherish their mothers love, for there is no replacement for that. However, only a man can raise a man. Men raised solely around women risk character flaws and overtly emotional behavior. Character flaws, because there was no man to mold the boy’s personality and show him how men are suppose to interact with each other, overtly emotional due to the fact that he is being raised solely by women.

Commonly, the man is used as a financial outlet. This job is taken as the main responsibility of the father by most of society, if the man takes care of all the bills, keeps the family up to standard materialistically, and covers every other financial obligation of the household, he is considered to be doing his job. Even if his son is going without a proper model in his life of what it is to become a man. The father must also provide guidance. The father must teach his son things like how to control his actions, emotions, how to be under the authority of another man, things he is expected to achieve as a man, and how to properly nurture his family.

Getting these things understood, and coming up with a solution will take some heavy reflecting. As of today the effeminized man has become the norm, any sort of aggressiveness or sense of pride that a man displays is almost immediately taken as a threat. The role the father plays has been tainted, if they are in the picture they often take on the excuse of working too hard to keeping a roof over their family's head(which may be true, but there is need to change). The father that chooses to abandon the family can also look forward to an effeminized son. The importance of a father in a boy to man transition cannot be stressed enough. It takes a man to raise a man.


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    • Enuendo77 profile image

      Enuendo77 5 years ago from hub pages U.S.A.

      You have to stop defining your masculinity by modern commercial standards. There is no need to look up to any man because you feel that their masculinity is more potent than yours. Admire other men, but never feel as if they are someone that you have to live up to. If you feel that you did not have the relationship with your father that you wished you would have had, make sure that you build that solid bond with your son. That alone will make you feel like a man without any aggrandizement from anyone else.

    • profile image

      Knightly 5 years ago

      I have been described as having an "orphan spirit". My father is and always has been a hard working but very quiet man. I could say we have little or no contact now I have grown up. How do I break away from the oppressed young man and find my own way? Who would you suggest as being a manly role model?

      This is having an effect on my life and now I am a father I intend to teach my son to be the best and know how to get it.