20 Things My Kids Like to Do While I'm in the Bathroom
As a mom of three who works from home, I never get a break. Ever.
I've learned to accept that all bathroom breaks typically consist of my 2-year-old throwing cars into the bathtub as my 11-month-old attempts to climb on my lap. I've realized that if I close the door, my kids will beat on it while screaming in anguish to the point where I'm surprised the neighbors haven't knocked on the front door to make sure they are okay. I've discovered that if they are quiet and give me time to actually urinate in peace, I should be very, very worried.
Here are a few of the wonderful things that I have learned after exiting the bathroom:
1) My debit cards should be thrown on the kitchen floor in case my babies have some last-minute shopping to do.
2) My toddler knows how to open up a sealed bag of chips. Thankfully, he is usually kind enough to dump the entire bag out so his brother can also enjoy a tasty snack off of my kitchen floor.
Do your toddlers trash the house during your bathroom breaks?
3) Toilet paper looks better when it is unraveled and then strewn across the hallway.
4) Paper towels look best when they are ripped to shreds like they were attacked by a vicious animal.
5) An upside-down trash can is totally practical, especially if there is something really messy inside.
6) Clothing is optional and should be removed immediately.
7) Diapers suck and should be placed in an obscure corner of the room.
8) Mom's computer mouse is fun to play with and should be hidden behind the couch.
9) Freshly folded laundry should be tossed down the stairs, one piece at a time, to ensure that it takes as long to pick up as possible.
10) Formula is nasty and should be dumped on the carpet.
11) Mickey Mouse/Lorax/Yo Gabba Gabba/Thomas the Train is the best show ever, and dirty hands should be rubbed all over every inch of the television screen to show appreciation for an excellent episode.
12) I did not decorate my living room appropriately, so I am very blessed to have a strong toddler who can move all of my items around for me.
13) My toddler hates my baby and will hit him with toys until he cries.
14) My toddler loves my baby and will hug him super hard until he cries.
15) Smashing banana into the couch gives it a sophisticated look.
16) My toddler knows how to climb out of the playpen.
17) If I put the baby in the playpen, his brother will climb in with him and torture him until I dash out of the bathroom.
18) Childproof locks/gates/covers/whatever are not childproof.
19) My magazine is more interesting when half of the pages are ripped out.
20) My 2-year-old knows where the markers are. He also knows that walls are way more fun to color on than paper.
I wrote this article years ago, but not much has changed. ;)