When You Find Out That Being a Mom is Enough
The good news is that one day you look back and you just know that what seemed like big mistakes weren't
I read the words in the article linked below and felt an almost eerie connection to the woman who wrote it.
Maybe its a rite of passage that we all, as Mom's, feel the way the writer described feeling some days. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
I certainly remember feeling overworked, over-tired, over-extended and definitely under-appreciated.
I was often resentful too. Is that OK to admit? Because its pure honesty. I tried to smile thru it all and live my life by the words of “Children Learn What They Live”, but it seems there were more days than not, that I just walked thru my life like a zombie and I am sure my kids knew it.
Guilt? Oh hell yeah! Lots of it. We are never sure that no matter how much we do, how hard we try, that we did it right. So the writer tapped into the deep, dark secret that we Mom's all carry around with us. There is the routine...the monotony...the boring pouring of cereal and picking up of toys and changing diapers and folding clothes and the endless feeling that tomorrow would be a repeat of today.
There is the lurking question that we try to ignore, but still surfaces at the end of those especially, long days...”what was I thinking when I had these kids?”
There is regret. Ahhh yes, there is regret. Looking back I wish that the need to be so perfect wasnt so strong. I wish I hadnt expected so much from them, but more importantly, from myself.
We are renewed with each wilted flower thats picked and given to us, with each hug, with each peek into the bedroom at night and when all the milestones are met, we smile through tears.
And then one day, it all changes. And we are looking at what once was the cause for all that self doubt and we realize that despite all the doubt, all the certainty that we screwed it up royally, somehow we must have done something right.
We are looking at adults who were once children and who survived our mistakes and our guilt and yes, even our resentment.
The obvious proof in the pudding is what you get once you've passed the point of needing to be told and needing to know, that you matter....that you ARE enough. And that only comes when your kids are grown and on their own and especially when they are the ones wondering if they are enough.
You are....and so was I.