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When People Try to Steal Your Holiday Joy!

Updated on November 19, 2013

Introduction.

The following stories are hypothetical. I'm writing this today to share with those who may be hurting this holiday season.

The holidays bring out the best in some and the worst in others.

Always keep in mind, today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Source

When others violate your peace.

Many people coming across this article will find it through searching out answers to their feelings of hurt and betrayal this holiday season.

Usually starting around Thanksgiving and ending after the New Year, stress increases throughout most of the homesteads in America. Worry is a driving factor in holiday stress as well as money.

I'm writing this article for the benefit of those who find constant turmoil in their family lives during the holidays.

The biggest piece of advice I can offer is to love yourself first. Then seek to understand and accept what you cannot change. Leave the rest alone and enjoy yourself this year.

Separating yourself from relatives with intentions of emotionally hurting you every holiday.

Believe it or not, there are people out there that live for the rush of hurting someone else. Putting someone else in an emotionally-devastating turn before a holiday has become a sport to some. They think by pulling on the heartstrings of someone else that cares for them, they themselves find relief.

What does this mean? What relief does a person find by hurting someone else?

I truly believe, based on experience, that there are people that lack emotional empathy. To these people, it becomes a game to hurt the ones that love them most. They find relief in hurting because it's a "feel good" result in which they feel empowered by bringing someone else down.

For example, Maggie had planned an elegant Thanksgiving. It was the first year with her new baby. Her marriage was perfect. She couldn't wait to invite her friends to her new home. She shopped at an antique store in town and bought beautiful linens and fine China to decorate each place setting. She also made place cards for each guest. She had waited so long for this day to come. She was truly excited to spend this Thanksgiving with the friends and family she loved most. She even bought her daughter a special dress for taking pictures with her grandparents for her memory album.

The day of Thanksgiving, she tried to call her mom to make sure she was on her way. She didn't need a thing. Everything was set up. The turkey was just about ready. Thirty minutes after the time she told her mom to arrive, she tried to call her again. The phone appeared to be off, as she was put directly in to voicemail each call.

Finally, as the guests waited patiently, Maggie made the decision to start dinner without her mother. She felt terrible that she started without her. Her mother never called back. Not on Thanksgiving, not even the week after. No explanation was given. No apology was offered.

Maggie felt embarrassed in front of the guests that had waited. She also felt hurt that her daughter wouldn't have a picture with grandma that first Thanksgiving.

It wasn't until Christmas was nearing that she ran into her aunt at the grocery store. Her aunt had been with Maggie's mother on Thanksgiving. Maggie was shocked. Her aunt went on to tell Maggie that her mother had told everyone at Thanksgiving dinner that despite Maggie's invitation, her mother would never sit at her Thanksgiving table because Maggie constantly picks fights with her. When Maggie heard this news, she felt outraged. Her mother had lied to a house full of guests at her aunt's house on Thanksgiving.

What did Maggie do to overcome a feeling of loss? It hurt her to find out that her mother had gone to someone else's house and spread gossip about her. But most importantly, her mother didn't even care about her own grandchild. Maggie was understandably hurt.

Maggie looked at this scenario as an opportunity to distance herself from her mother. She no longer trusted her mother, and knew she had to go on in life without her. After all, she had her own family now and needed to focus on them.

The story of Goose Girl by Grimm.
A kind-hearted princess was disrobed and changed in to a servant's clothing to trick the family of the prince she was about to marry. Upon finding out that the girl dressed in the servant's clothing was in fact the princess, the prince took her hand in marriage and they reigned over the kingdom for many years.
Fairy tales usually have a desirable outcome. Turn your life in to your own fairy tale ending by placing utmost value and importance in your life.

What would you do if you were Maggie?

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Don't allowing intrusive relatives to ruin your holiday experience.

Every home has a unique way of decorating for and celebrating a holiday. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to individual preference and choice.

It's never ok for someone to judge your home. Your home is space designed by you for maximum peace and protection. You choose your furniture and your décor. You maintain your home. You pay your bills. So who, other than you, has the right to intrude upon your style and tastes and tell you it's all wrong?

For example, Sandra loves to decorate for Christmas. She puts up a table to display her lighted Christmas village. She buys a fresh tree and spares no expense on the decorations. She fills her fireplace mantle with nutrcrackers from around the world. Her home could be the front cover of a magazine.

Sandra's grandmother and aunts are very set in their ways and often loudly-spoken about their opinions. Sandra's grandmother prefers a fake tree covered in tinsel that shines in the overhead living room lights. While Sandra's aunts like antique collectibles to adorn their staircases, fireplace mantles, and bathrooms.

Sandra loves the way everyone decorates because they are all unique and different. Sandra feels it would be boring if everyone decorated the same way.

But year after year, Sandra is expected to host Christmas dinner at her house. It becomes very challenging because she doesn't have room to decorate the way she likes and entertain a house full of guests.

Sandra decided to downsize her décor to make additional room for Christmas pies.

As the relatives arrive, they notice Sandra still uses a smaller table for her light-up Christmas village. Not having enough room for their casseroles to go next to the Christmas pies, they decide to move the Christmas village to the floor and put their dishes down on the fake white snow covering the little card table.

Sandra is understandably upset when someone accidently kicks a Department 56 Christmas village and shatters it in to tiny pieces. She asks her guests to relocate the food dishes to the breakfast counter where she had set out hot pads before they arrived. The guests become accusatory and start shouting at Sandra. They tell her how inconsiderate she is to put out a lighted Christmas village when she knew they would be bringing food with them. Sandra tried to explain that she had set out the hot pads for their casseroles, but it fell on deaf ears. No one apologized for breaking Sandra's Christmas village piece and instead continuously antagonized her throughout dinner.

What's the solution when family do not act as guests, but rather set expectations higher than they would if they had dined at a stranger's home?

Sandra felt terrible about what happened as she picked up the remaining shards of glass from the Christmas village. She found it online and decided to purchase a new one to pack away for next year. She didn't want to re-open the wound upon re-opening the Christmas village storage box. Perhaps she'll forget about it in time. Most importantly, she has decided not to have guests next Christmas. She will enjoy the peace of celebrating Christmas volunteering at a soup kitchen.

Letting go of negative life experiences makes room for more positive outcomes!

What would you do if you were Sandra?

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The story of Hansel and Gretel.
The story of Hansel and Gretel. | Source

Expect holiday turmoil and discontent.

When you have an expectation that isn't met, it causes disappointment.

So when you have become accustomed to disappointment, expect it.

Live your life understanding that there are some people that will never be happy. Those people will turn on you, they will hurt you and take away your joy around the holidays, and they will use you to gain relief from their own misery.

When you grow to expect turmoil, you won't be disappointed when you encounter it.

For example, Becky recently married a man with grown children. She has children of her own from a prior marriage that are still young. When her children were born, she decided to start a tradition every year so that her children could grow up enjoying warm memories of the holidays as she had with her grandmother who has now passed away.

But after marrying her husband, she learned that her mother-in-law expected her to go to Christmas Eve at her house every year at 7 p.m. This conflicted with Becky's traditions for her own children. Christmas Eve was reserved for her family. She always made a special meal of Cornish hens, roasted corn, and buttery mashed potatoes. She would take her children out to look at Christmas lights while sipping on hot chocolate. Then, her children would open one gift each and snuggle in to bed while waiting for Christmas morning. This is how it's always been for her family, and this is all her children have ever known.

Upon asking her children if they minded going to her mother-in-law's for Christmas Eve, the children said they'd rather spend Christmas Eve doing what they've always done. They don't want another tradition. They like their own.

Not wanting to cause hurt feelings or turmoil within her husband's family, she thought it would be ok to go earlier in the day on Christmas Eve. Her mother-in-law lived quite a distance away and if they did go in the evening, it would be far too late to put together Christmas gifts before morning.

Her husband's family was not so compassionate toward Becky or her children. They didn't feel Becky was trying to make anyone happy but herself. Her mother-in-law told her that Christmas Eve is her day and Becky ruined it.

What's the solution for Becky? While on one hand, she was thinking about her mother-in-law's feelings, but also has her own family. She didn't come in to the marriage with no children, and without prior traditions of her own.

As tough as a situation as this was, Becky had to tell her mother-in-law that her own family traditions must come first. She could visit with her mother-in-law before Christmas, and even help her go shopping for Christmas dinner. But, she would have to pass on sharing Christmas Eve because she had her own plans.

What would you do if you were Becky?

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Little Red Riding Hood. The story of a wolf who awaits in grandma's clothing.
Little Red Riding Hood. The story of a wolf who awaits in grandma's clothing. | Source

When you are being used for your emotional health.

This last example is one that many people can relate to.

I often meet people who are extremely successful, happy, brilliant, vibrant, and joyous in life. They attract opposites.

Unfortunately, good people find themselves in turmoil with people who want to rob them of their emotional health.

For example, Ken was a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He had a successful career, beautiful wife, darling children, and was well-liked in the entire community.

Ken's parents had passed away. He had one remaining relative named Steve. Over the years, Steve had done many things to hurt Ken. Steve stole from Ken on several occasions. Steve created strife for Ken's friends and neighbors. Steve also told a lot of lies about Ken to mutual friends over the years creating turmoil.

Steve had violent disruptive emotional outbursts. Steve couldn't hold down a job. He quit his last job. He met a woman and moved in with her. She paid all of Steve's bills.

Any time Steve has been on the receiving end of honest criticism for the wrongdoings he does against Ken, Steve retaliates with anger and malicious actions. He won't accept any responsibility for what he has done to Ken in the past. Ken has tried to distance himself and avoid Steve. Steve uses mob mentality to gain strength in numbers with neighbors to attack Ken's personal life.

Every year, around the holidays, Steve would surface right before Thanksgiving. He never had a care in the world about Ken's family any other time of year. But sure enough, every Thanksgiving, Steve would call Ken and promise him the world. He would promise to buy the biggest turkey and have it delivered to Ken's family. He would promise to visit Ken's family and bring them Christmas gifts.

Because Steve and Ken are close in age, many people in the community know of them. What they didn't know is how vindictive Steve is toward Ken.

Steve wanted what Ken had. Not just a beautiful family and home. He was jealous of Ken's happiness. Steve had never been happy. When he was a kid, he was a downer. As an adult, he was out-of-control, irresponsible, and made poor decisions.

Many times Steve would call Ken just to brag about how he had a party and "forgot" to invite Ken. This told Ken that Steve was trying to make him jealous. But Ken never fell for it. It never worked. Steve was relentless.

Finally, Ken learned that Steve had poisoned many people's minds. Through gossip and vicious rumors of mistreatment, Steve convinced Ken's friends that Ken was a bad person.

Ken fell on hard times. He was out of work. Instead of reaching out to help Ken, Steve wore sheep's clothing to find out the gossip about Ken's hard luck. Pretending to care, Steve made more promises to Ken. He pretended to have compassion. He pretended that he would help Ken through the difficult times. Ken had always been there for Steve when Steve needed help.

But yet, Ken found out through a mutual friend what Steve was planning to do. Steve had already made holiday plans with his girlfriend's family. He would not be coming over with a turkey that he promised Ken. In fact, Steve asked for donations within the community to help Ken without Ken's knowledge. But then Steve didn't give the donations that the caring community had supportively brought to Steve for Ken. No, Steve had other plans to keep the donations for himself. Including money that people generously gave to help Ken's family through a hard time.

When the mutual friend reported about Steve's plans, Ken confronted Steve in a direct way. He told Steve to return the money because he felt Steve had stolen it from the community. He told Steve that it was a low stunt that he had pulled, even for Steve!

Steve harshly commented back that Ken needs to "grow up" and start looking in the mirror. Steve told Ken that he should be ashamed of himself. Steve never accepted responsibility for his wrongdoing. He belittled and tried to shame Ken through abusive words.

Eventually, Ken heard enough. He told Steve to stop the harassment or charges would be filed against him.

Steve's reply was that he had tried so hard, and it was Ken's fault, not his own. Steve was playing the victim.

What is the solution to Ken's dilemma? Steve pretended to be his friend to solicit donations for himself through concerned neighbors. When Ken tried talking about it to mutual friends, they began telling him that they weren't going to take his side. They were all taking Steve's side. Because Steve had poisoned them all long before Ken even knew there was a plan in place.

Ken realized that he would not only have to distance himself from Steve, but all the friends who had made a choice to take Steve's side. Friends of a feather flock together. Were they really Ken's friends to begin with?

What would you do in Steve's shoes?

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Conclusion.

It has been my experience that sometimes the only thing we think we have left is our family.

But truth be known, even though we can't pick our relatives, we can distance ourselves when our own health and life is in jeopardy. Many people fall prey to the tactics that abusive relatives use against them, especially during sentimental times like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

If you have experienced guilt, stress, emotional hurt, betrayal, or your trust with a relative was broken around the holidays and continues to be every year, my advice to you is to distance yourself from them. You only have one life to life. You can never take back the years you lost due toxic familial relationships.

Also, don't settle to surround yourself with people who treat you unkindly. After all, we're taught from Kindergarten to treat others like we want to be treated. Therefore, treat yourself with respect. Have compassion for yourself. This means knowing "when to fold them; when to hold them; when to walk away; when to run." Count your blessings and just know that your life is so much more than pain and feeling trapped by family that just doesn't get it. Women are often taught, "if the man is just not in to you", what to look out for. But they are rarely taught how to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing at a feast among family.

The most healthy way to celebrate holidays is to avoid stressors which cause you to feel panic and anxiety. If going to family celebrations is not a happy experience for you, then don't do it.

Focus on your immediate home life and the family that surrounds you every day.

People that can't make time for you any other day of the year, are not worth your sacrifice one day of the year. And this is the solution: because family is a group of people affiliated by birth, not by our own choice.

I believe that when we put our hopes in false relationships, we will be disappointed every time. But when we look for relationships with meaning, that are not all one-sided, we will find the peace and happiness we've been searching for to live our life to the fullest, and enjoy the holidays as they were meant. Peacefully.


Do you suffer in silence from years of antagonistic relatives emotionally abusing you to suit their own need for their relief of their misery? Know that you aren't alone. There are many kind strangers that would love to treat you with the kindness you deserve.

Here are ways to help someone who is suffering from feeling unloved by their own family.

  • Invite them to dinner at your home this Thanksgiving. It will relieve them from the pressure they feel from their family.
  • Be kind to them. You never know how a person feels until you walk in their shoes.
  • Show them what a family means; some people have never had a real one.
  • Be their secret santa this year.
  • Never take for granted the fact that you have a loving family when there are others out there longing for one.


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    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Jackie, such great advice!

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      I think people just aren't going to be happy and they don't want anyone to be! I say distance yourself from people like this always and forever. Unless they change of course.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi VioletteRose! What a pretty profile name. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.

    • VioletteRose profile image

      VioletteRose 3 years ago from Chicago

      If we do not stand up for ourselves, then nobody else will do that. As you said, distancing yourself from the negative people is the best you can do, and I have done it. Luckily I have a loving and understanding family!

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi WiccanSage! I am totally on the same page here with you. Good advice. Thank you for commenting.

    • WiccanSage profile image

      Mackenzie Sage Wright 3 years ago

      These are great; I love the way you write it with the hypothetical examples to get the meaning across. I think at the holidays you just have to have a good attitude, a lot of patience, you have to be willing to let things slide and nip things in the bud but in a positive way. My family used to be very negative and bicker a lot, most of those people are either gone or have moved on to their own families now... so now I am careful about who I invite; I won't have the drama and negativity. Life's too short. Great hub.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Mark! Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. It's so nice to see you.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Linda! So nice to see you. Thank you for your comments.

    • markdarmafall profile image

      Mark 3 years ago from Moundsville,WV

      This is a powerful Hub with a lot of interesting examples. I learned a great deal by reading it and thought back to a lot of things like this that has happened in our family over the years. Wonderful job and God Bless

      Mark

    • mylindaelliott profile image

      mylindaelliott 3 years ago from Louisiana

      Those are interesting scenarios. I think for each one I would have done a combination of the answers.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Mike Robbers, thanks so much for commenting and stopping by!

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Markzin1! Thank you so much for your kind advice and for sharing your input here. It's so nice to see you.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Dolores, I can't imagine you saying anything to someone that would be inappropriate. :D You are always so kind and supportive. Thank you so much for commenting here! I truly appreciate your input.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi MsDora! I read your forum thread and Happy Thanksgiving to you. You are always such a kind person here that gives us all inspiration. Thanks for always being there.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comments Eiddwen.

    • Mike Robbers profile image

      Mike Robbers 3 years ago from London

      Very interesting hub, thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts with us

    • profile image

      markzin1 3 years ago

      Great Hub. I come from a very conservative and Christian family. I am very fortunate that I have never ever had relatives who ruin my celebrations. My relatives act like a great source of inspiration. However, I can understand what it means having such 'thorns' piercing into your flesh. If you show good will and make efforts to unite with people and they do not appreciate you, it is better to distance your self, than to keep clashing with them and loosing your self esteem. If you can't get some one to reason with you, stay away and pray for that person. I believe that will make you feel a lot better. who knows; that person might just knock your door some day to apologize. Never underestimate the power of prayers, and above all, what God can do.

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 3 years ago from East Coast, United States

      I have often wondered if I have ever been the one to say the wrong thing that hurt someone's feelings, or that was deemed inappropriate. I try to think this way when I get mad at a guest or somebody at a party. Sometimes people are just idiots. Some people are dangerous nuts. Best to understand the difference and not let someone else ruin your own good time. (Great stories!)

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thank for this very inspirational piece, putting back the joy that other try to rob. A great piece!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      A great hub which says it all. I loved it ;so interesting and useful. Voting up and wishing you a great day.

      Eddy.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Teaches12345. Thank you so much for your comments. There always seems to be drama at the holidays. I already bought my turkey and we will be eating a peaceful meal here this year. The drama tried to work its way in, but we didn't open the door! LOL

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Smiley! So nice to see you here. Yes, that is so true. It can take years for a person to see through a particular pattern. I have a friend who puts her whole trust and faith in to one person, yet that person is so abusive to her. She can't see through it. I hope some day she will separate herself from that person and go on to leave a happy and peaceful life. And love does play such an important role in life. Thank you so much for your wise and thoughtful comments here.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

      Your approach to this topic with the stories and following quizzes is an excellent way to get a reader thinking. I have a few relatives I avoid on holidays as they tend to put a damper on it when they are around.

    • SmileyCulture profile image

      SmileyCulture 3 years ago

      LOVE the article here - it is a shame that some people can be so negative. It has been said in previous comments, but its true, it can take years for you to see through family members who are not interesting in just being family. However,Love has a huge positive in enjoying holiday times and if you are lucky enough to have love in your life you should be OK.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Rebecca! I used to watch Hallmark movies too! :D Thank you so much for your thoughtful input here.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Alicia! Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments here.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Sha! I'm not pretentious either. I don't play both sides of the fence. And I don't pretend to be someone's friend just to go fishing for gossip. There's a lot of that around here, so I try to avoid it all best I can. It's not that easy sometimes! LOL I wear tall boots. :D

      I'm so glad you have such a loving family.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Me too Wetnose! There are those that start conflict so I have to avoid them. I don't tolerate it well.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Flourish! I appreciate your eloquent comment here. I know of someone that plays the victim card all of the time, but doesn't see her own foolishness. I don't like conflict, so when I find myself in it, I tend to shy away from it. I'd rather have a quiet meal at home than be in the middle of drama.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Tobusiness! Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. It's disappointing at times when the people we rely on the most are often the most unreliable. I had to learn years ago to stop expecting people to be kind simply because they were family. I found out that more often than not, they are more hurtful than strangers because they hold grudges or jealousy.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Denise, what lovely input. Thank you so much for sharing your story here. I know the feeling all too well. That's smart to make plans in advance.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi EP! I know it's so true. gasp. I used to work with someone who did this same thing. She couldn't stand it when someone else had something good going for them. But, she had such a great life, I'm not sure why it upset her to see someone else happy. It never made any sense to me. Thanks so much for commenting.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Kidscrafts! I can remember when a close cousin was pregnant with her second child. My grandmother wanted to throw her a baby shower. So I helped my grandmother get all of the decorations and send out the invitations. Everyone was sitting down at a long banquet table watching my cousin open her gifts. Another guest arrived late. She walked in with a chip on her shoulder. There was coffee service set out neatly on a buffet table with creamer, sugar, spoons, etc. She wanted to know why there were no mugs. The simple answer is because my grandmother didn't want to have to wash hundreds of dishes. I showed the guest the Styrofoam cups and said that everyone was using those to minimize the clean-up afterward. The guest became loud and exclaimed that she would never drink from a disposable cup. She started taking out the coffee mugs and handing them out to guests at the table. The guests didn't use them. It was really ridiculous. LOL

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Koralee! You are right! Thank you so much for commenting.

    • Rebecca Furtado profile image

      Rebecca Furtado 3 years ago from Anderson, Indiana

      What a great hub. We all have unrealistic expectations of holidays. I am a fan of hallmark movies so you know I do. This is a good piece. It is sad people are the most petty with friends and family.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      Your hub contains great advice, Crafty. It's a sad statement about society, but I think that quite a few people will recognize their situation in your stories. Thank you for suggesting how they can deal with the problem.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 3 years ago from Central Florida

      Crafty, my family is nothing like what you describe above and would never do any of those things. Sure, we have our disagreements and sometimes don't talk until both sides can be rational. But love always wins in the end. I'm happy to say I come from a very loving family and a large one at that. I'm only one of 3 but my mom is one of 10. I've never experienced any of the scenarios mentioned above. If I did, I'd have to remove myself. I won't be false.

    • wetnosedogs profile image

      wetnosedogs 3 years ago from Alabama

      I have to stay away from the drama. It drives me crazy to hear it. Luckily, those close to me now are happy people and not drama.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      You speak the truth here. Holidays are for being with people you love (who love you back). If there are relatives that cause too much stress and conflict and cannot find time to "pencil you in" other days of the year, why give up such an important occasion to them? Some folks are too much drama, too self-centered to be worth the effort. I'm cutting one such person out this year and saving myself all their cries of victimization at the hands of everyone else. I am just so sick of hearing the "why me" stuff. I hate it when people make a career out of suffering instead of trying to bounce back. I really hate it when they lash out at everyone else for their poor choices and fail to take responsibility. It relieves me to have made that decision in advance. Great hub, and I like those polls.

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 3 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      It can be very hurtful when the people who are nearest and dearest to you, go out of their way to make you unhappy, I just don't get it. Nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing my family happy, when they're doing well, we are doing well, when they are hurting I'm hurting. When the big bad world turn against me, my family is where I should be able to find comfort. Unfortunately; life is never that simple. Great example, very interesting.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      This is such a difficult subject! We have had issues ourselves with relatives, disappointment, and dashed expectations. For a time, my husband went to his family's house alone because I could not handle the increased commotion on the holidays. Now, we make our own plans well in advance rather than waiting for others to include us in theirs. It has made all the difference in how we enjoy the holidays!

    • epbooks profile image

      Elizabeth Parker 3 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      I know many people who not only do this at holidays, but on special events, outings, etc. As soon as they see someone is legitimately happy about something, they find a way to ruin the day/evening, etc. by complaining about something ridiculous. I cannot stand that type of behavior. We were brought up to appreciate things and have fun whenever possible- not to steal someone's thunder. Great hub - I love the examples and the polls!

    • kidscrafts profile image

      kidscrafts 3 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

      I think compromise is the best way to go.... and then if that doesn't work, remove any poisonous relationship! People who ruin the party of someone else don't deserve to be invited; I find it very sad!

    • KoraleeP profile image

      Koralee Phillips 3 years ago from Penticton British Columbia Canada

      All I have to say is that people need to get over themselves.... Great Hub! Voted up! and Interesting

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
      Author

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Midge38, you are so correct! I am so sorry to hear about your mother. That breaks my heart. I wrote about mothers who suffer from personality disorders because I believe my mother has characteristics of NPD and Histrionic PD. Thank you so much for commenting here.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      My mum lives in agony of the relative she suffered at the hands of. I think those who do hurt others suffer from a bit of NPD.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
      Author

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi DDE! Thank you so much for commenting here my friend. While I'm thinking of it, this could pertain to most occasions including weddings and other events where happiness is the main event.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Faith! Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comments. I truly appreciate your input here. That's a perfect word: Boundaries. I like that. Thank you friend!

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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Moonlake! Thank you so much for your comments here. The last Christmas my grandmother was alive, my children were only 1 and 2. I feel in my heart that was truly the most blessed Christmas I had with our loved ones. Now, we spend it together (just the 4 of us), enjoying the holiday, in peace. I don't want my children growing up remembering the holidays as a bicker fest. LOL

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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Billy! That's very sound advice. The holidays are meant to be warm, peaceful, and spent with people who want to be in your company. Not people who just run through the motions because it's a date on the calendar. Thank you so much for your comments!

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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      When People Try to Steal Your Holiday Joy people who behave this way shouldn't be invited on any occasion not even at this time of year. I try to avoid such people it is not fair to have to be in the company of those who steal the joy of a special moment, great hub and you said it all here.

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      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Dear Crafty,

      Yes, there are people, even in our own families, who try to rob our joy, and sometimes it takes years to realize such, and although we can forgive them, it is okay to also set up boundaries for our own health. There seems to always be one who will intentionally harm others for no reason but for they are so miserable, they want all to be miserable. Very sad. I pray, forgive and now set boundaries.

      Up and more

      Peace and blessings to you and yours,

      Faith Reaper

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      moonlake 3 years ago from America

      We don't have people that any longer ruin our holidays. They are long gone and we no longer have to listen to them. Interesting hub voted up.

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I love the way you constructed this article, Brandi. The quizzes at the end of every story is a nice touch. As for me....Bev and I surround ourselves with positive and loving people. Others need not apply to our friend list. It's as simple as that. I have spent far too many years having holidays ruined by people who had their own selfish agendas. No longer will that happen.