- Family and Parenting
When does enough mean " ENOUGH?"
Teen mom's and their mother's
When is it a good time to throw in the towel, wave the white flag, scream uncle? How many times do we parents get to throw are arms in the air and scream, " I've had it," before we actually act? For me it has been too numerous to count.
It's been a while since I have written a hub, and although I have had plenty to write about, my lack of time and diminished energy has left me unable to produce anything worthy of posting. Most of you know I have a teenage daughter and a two year old grandson who live with me. Until today!
Today, I had enough! I love my daughter dearly, and my grandson is the light of my life. I am filled with grief that I am not able to tip toe into his room tonight and whisper I love you while he sleeps. Instead, I close his door and pretend he is snuggling his green blanky and dreaming of being a super hero. While I know they are both safe at her fathers house, it hurts like hell.
Unfortunately the last year has been one of the most difficult years of my life. My business is floundering which has lead me to a second job, my boyfriend of 12 years is hell bent on leaving the state for " his " happy place, ( Florida ), my loving mother passed away in January, and now I have asked my daughter to leave my home. Which brings me back to " When does enough mean enough?"
As far as business goes, the economy sucks, so I role with it. Moving to my boyfriends " Happy place," thats going to be dealt with one day at a time, my mother, well, she is in a much better place shaking her head at me and yelling " your a Tondreau, you can handle anything!" But when it comes to my daughter and grandsons well being, she had to go!
Raising a teen with a baby has to be the single most stressful thing I will ever do in my life time! If we all survive, it will be by a miracle! I have resigned myself from thinking she will be the mother and daughter she should have been. I have given up the idea that she will one day realize all that I have taught her and begin to implement it. I have totally lost all hope that the sweet, loving, respectful child I raised as a single parent since she was eight will ever return. I know this sounds harsh, but, you haven't walked in my shoes.
I know my daughter is in there somewhere. However she hasn't surfaced in years. I have a number of theories as to why, perhaps she was abducted by aliens while she slept, but that wouldn't explain all the other teens who act relatively similar to her. On a more serious note, Perhaps it is due to her experiencing the ramifications of a divorce, albeit ours was completely civil, never the less damaging for her. Maybe it was the leaving of the foster children we had when she was little. It could possibly be because she was assaulted and abused by her babies father, It also could be the simple fact that she became a mother at 17, or the fact that after my numerous attempts and suggestions of professional counseling to help her cope with all the above, yet she refused. Then again, it really comes down to me, it's all my fault! At least that's what she has screamed at me on numerous occasions.
Either way, no amount of screaming ,begging, pleading, or grounding has made one bit of difference. The level of conflict has arisen from bickering to fits of rage, to the point where my grandson has now taken to imitating his mother's tirades for no reason at all other than to try to be entertaining. This above all else breaks my heart. So for now I have not just asked her to leave my home, I have removed my self from this horrible equation. I am hopeful that by resorting to my last resort that the realization of the harm our bickering may be causing him will cease to exist. Unfortunately I can only hope and pray that with some time and distance between us she can see how much I loved her and finally stop the destructive behavior that will surely distract her from ever being truly happy. But for now, Enough's enough! I surrender!