When your child makes a choice that is opposite of what you suggest do you suppo

1. 61

   Brightbloggerposted 12 years ago

   When your child makes a choice that is opposite of what you suggest do you support him/her?
   
   EX: You want them to go to college but they decide they want to work and make money and decide what they really want to instead of jumping into something they do not know they are ready for.

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2. 61

   Ealairposted 12 years ago

   That depends on the logic and the topic.
   
   If my child is old enough to go to college then they are legally an adult and I need to respect that. I can disagree or encourage them to do something else, but I cannot make choices for them and if I bully or threaten them into doing what I want, I would be putting my relationship with them on the line.
   
   However, when they are under my care, as in, I am legally responsible for their actions. They may disagree, but they need to be able to tell me why their option is better in a manner befitting their intelligence. IE. discuss, not throw a temper tantrum because I don't like it.
   
   They must respect that I don't like it, but will help any way I can, as long as there is no foreseeable future, and always must respect the "you made your bed" principle. They have the freedom to choose as long as they will not be harmed or harm others, but if it doesn't turn out the way they like it, I'm not to blame, and they should turn to the back up plan (which would be part of the discussion when we disagree).

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3. 79

   KellyPittmanposted 12 years ago

   Hmmm.  I guess I would have to support their decision as by that age, they are budding adults, but I would try to compromise with them too.  Asking them to at least look into some schools and see what programs might interest them.  Maybe starting out with online courses or community college while they work. 
   
   I must say, it is not a bad thing that the child (young adult) wants to WORK though.  At least with that plan, you would hope they wouldn't still be living with you at age 30.
   
   I didn't go to college right out of high school.  I went straight to work, bought a car and rented my own place.  By the time I was 26 and a mother of two, I went back to school.  It would have been an easier thing to do at 19 years old.

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4. 84

   Marcy Goodfleischposted 12 years ago

   For me, that changed as my kids got older.  As I look back, I realize I could have had better strategies as a parent (I was pretty young, although it didn't seem that way at the time).  I often wish I knew what I know now but had the age and energy I had when they were born. 
   
   To answer - show them love and ask them about their choices. What will happen after you do that?  How does that fit into your life plan (or their schedule, or their goals, or the fact they want dessert that night).  Get them to think about their decision, and perhaps they'll reevaluate it.

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5. 62

   Lady_Eposted 12 years ago

   Let them know the pros and cons but still support them out of love.
   
   Sometimes you just have to let them make their own mistakes and learn. On a positive let me call that "experience" for them.  However, it things turn bad and you were right never say "I told you so".
   
   Best Wishes.

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6. 54

   omarngadiposted 12 years ago

   Or like when they say "I'm gay!" and then their  parents try to get the child a mail order bride?
   If your child is too old you slap, you basically just have to put up with whatever BS choices they make, like your parents did when you were growing up

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7. 66

   xethonxqposted 12 years ago

   I think it depends on if their choice is unsafe. If it isn't then let them live their own lives.

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