What advice would you give a 13 year old step daughter who does not want to go

1. 61

   mr aspposted 15 years ago

   What  advice would you give a 13 year old step daughter who does not want to go to school?
   
   I am having problems with my wife's daughter cause she doesn't like going to school.It is difficult for me to convince cause i think it seems strange for her that somebody from Africa is talking about education.Please i need some advice.

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2. 76

   pageantgirl31413posted 15 years ago

   Well maybe try to find some examples of people who didn't finish high school and what happened to them. Show her the statistics on what people make money wise when they don't finish high school, when they finish high school but don't go to college and when they do go to college. You could even use me as an example. I finished high school joined the military and had two babies. Got out of the military cause we can't afford day care so I solely rely on my husband. If he by chance left me, there would be no way to support my children and it would be unlikely that I would be able to keep them. It is very important for her to stay in school.

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3. 50

   Danjapillarposted 15 years ago

   I am 13  and my guess is that she doesnt wanna go because there are some problems at school so maybe you could talk to the teacher I know I will apprciate it

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4. 76

   Mr. Happyposted 15 years ago

   Try and get her a copy of a book titled "The Catcher in the Rye", I am forgetting the author's name. Give her the book and tell her that if she does not want to go to school she does not have to but that she must read the book first and let you know what she thought of it. I think it may work.
   She needs guidance and someone she can trust that she can talk to. It is hard to give an opinion in such a case not knowing the person I am speaking of. Maybe she can paint or sing; play an instrument or a sport instead of going to school for a year ... and have a strict schedule involving some sort of "work" or apprenticeship, keeping in mind the fact that she is rather young at the same time. I wish you and her all the best. Cheers!

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5. 61

   Salty Tannedposted 15 years ago

   Try to find the reason why she refuses to go to school. It may have nothing to do with learning. Some one might be making her life very miserable at school. It may be a teacher but most probably a student or a gang. She may not want to tell you because she fears reprisal from this person or these persons.
   
   Africa has given the world some great scholars, Africa has just as many great men and women as any other continent. With the kind of caring you are showing your child, I cannot believe your origins have anything to do wih your difficulty to coach her.
   
   Don't give up! You will both win something here.

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6. 61

   mr aspposted 15 years ago

   Thank you all for your wonderful advice.The real problem is the child.She has just been moved to a new school so i don't think there are threats there already.It's just about two weeks into the first term.I think the problem is in her upbringing cos her parents don't really care about education.At times she says she is not in school cos i am not in school myself.I am studying their language in an adult school.I am a university graduate but they don't seem to understand what it means.

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7. 67

   nick071438posted 15 years ago

   I think your stepdaughter is not one of your race.  Am I right?  If that is the case. the more you should endeavor to move heaven and earth to sow in her the value of education.  Listen to all the suggestions given here by our fellow hubbers;  they are useful.  However- if you have tried them to no avail,  then here's my suggestion.  Scout who her best friend is and capitalize him/her to talk her  into going to school.  I mean use tack and all your convincing power to let her friend convince her (your stepdaughter)  to embrace school life.  I need your reaction to this, mr asp.

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8. 56

   almightyisisposted 15 years ago

   I am having the same problems with my now 18 year old daughter. We've been going through this since age 12 and we have tried every approach to no avail. We have switched schools and the school she attends now (or doesn't attend should I say?) bends over backwards to get her motivated. Maybe your wife's daughter could talk to a school counselor? In grade school and junior high school, this is what kept my daughter there. The high school counselors here don't have a clue, though, so it's hard. Maybe home schooling? Is she is depressed or anxious? Have her tested for bipolar. My daughter was diagnosed last year and that explained so much. Showing her hard times on the streets never fazed my daughter and J.D. Salinger wrote "Catcher in the Rye", but reading that didn't help Chapman (he took the life of John Lennon)! I wish you well in your battles and remember that she is a child. She is blessed that you care about her so much.

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9. 55

   dcemohighsocietyposted 15 years ago

   lets be honest like i always am i never liked school it sucked soo bad but you have to tell your kids its apart of life you have to go to school its no a choice its a thing u have to do everyone does it enjoy it while you can you will acutally learn alot and build alot of friendship school also helps your socialize with people. Just enjoy being young and school is apart of that find something that she might enjoy a little bit and try to incorporate with school and how it can be fun.

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10. 72

    bill yonposted 15 years ago

    take her down to the homeless shelter and have her ask the homeless how many of them have a education.

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11. 60

    Shaninaposted 15 years ago

    i have a child around the same age and there are days when she doesn't want to go to school either.  i remind her that if she wants to have as many options as possible for a job when she's older that an education is the only thing that will give them to her.  i remind her that every job requires being able to read and write to a degree even if it is just to fill in a timesheet to be paid.  my girl dislikes school on the days that she has certain teachers because they have their favourites and she's not one of them.  sucky teachers and teachers that are only in it for the pay cheque make it hard to get kids to want to go to school.  sorry...huge pet peeve for me.  i also remind my girl how smart she is and that she could be anything she wants, but only with an education.
    
    i think that maybe you should also encourage her to give the school a bit longer, like to the end of term. it maybe that she is missing her old school with her friends and she hasn't found where she fits yet.  also tell her that you not going to school has nothing to do with her not going to school and remind her that you have already done university even if it was in another country.

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12. 60

    Shahid Bukhariposted 14 years ago

    Reckon its a great divide ...
    
    But it would help, if you proved yourself to be a good husband, and provider ... Your stepchild may ... then consider you, for the father's Role.
    
    But thats talking in terms of years ... your problem is Now ...
    
    I am not aware of the circumstances that led to your marriage, hence, the step daughter ... therefore, the while its possible, marry the kind who can understand you ...

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13. 37

    angelpre123posted 14 years ago

    she willeither have to do it now when she is young or g back when she is older. i know from experienc that it sucks trying to go back to school later on. i dropped out in grade 9 and now i am supposed to be in grade 12 and trying to redo grade 9 it is so much more difficult and i wish i woulda just stayed in school and sucked it up.

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