How much parents should involve, indulge, and interfere in the life of their teenage child.
We always talk about boundaries but what is the boundary while parenting. I have seen one of my friend going the wrong way after over indulgence of his parents. At the same time, my cousin became a topper after the same over involvement and interference of his parents. At the same time, one of my aunt and uncle who hardly cared if their children are even eating or not, all their three children are now top-notch doctors of our country. So, over protecting or ignoring, I have always found it very hard to get to the bottom of the answer.
I think you have to give your kids room to move and allow them to be independant but at the same time parents need to know what their children are doing, who their friends are and what they are doing when they are not at home. Giving teenagers room to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes is a good idea but in this day and age it is important to be involved as a parent and there should be boundaries.
It is not always the easiest thing to give all the privacy to them. Parents responsibilities is to make sure that their teens are well taken cared of and properly guided. They need space like adults do and they want to be treated as adults, but sometimes they act immaturely and make some poor choices. That is why teens should allow their parents to get involve in their life but without being intrusive. But keep a parent-child relationship intact no matter what they decide in life.
Your question is interesting. My view on this is that it's not so much boundaries teenagers need as guidance and knowing they are accepted and loved. I have 2 teenage children and we have ups and downs, but we work things out and there's always room to talk.
Respect is incredibly important - both respecting each other and for the teens to find self-respect.
But there's something else that's difficult to put into words - I know I can parent in 2 different ways: one way could be called parenting with the head - how I think I "should", trying to do what I think society expects of a good parent. The other way is with the heart - really being with my children as they are, hearing them, trusting. The first way I've described is very stressful, the second is not and is the way that leads to solutions.
My guess is that aunt and uncle or yours who seemed not to care were parenting in the second way I've described and your cousins responded to that.
I think you have to strike a balance and know when to indulge and pullback. I have two teen daughters...I know too well what they all want. I am constantly telling them that if it were your own money you would not be parting with it so easily. We talk about everything...sex, date rape, alcohol etc. Today there isn't anything a kid hasn't seen on the internet or TV. However i would rather be the person to educate with facts. Schools do a good job from a health perspective. But kids hormones dictate. When it comes to food, we are fim believers of healthy, fresh food more often than not. I make them eggs each morning with a freshfruit and when it isn't that a protein shake. My kids eat their faie share of junk, but 80% of their food is freshly cooked and not processed. Their friends so far have been good. My girls play basketball, track and soccer. I have discovered girls who are not in any team sports are far too focused on Face book, Instagram, Snap chat, Twitter, boys, boys and boys. If my girls need space, I give it to them. If they do not want to discuss a topic at that moment, it eventually comes out in conversation what was bothering them a week later. I think some times kids just have to digest, process and think about their own emotions, their own status and might want to think about a solution on their own. My husband is the opposite than me in that area...he wants to discuss and chat, chat chat, unusual for a guy. Now if your are suspicious of any activity that is wrong, naturally you have to question and find an answer.
Hope this helps you some. Good luck.
Many say how difficult teenage years were for them and their friends. I don't remember ever finding that transforming adolescence period as being a problem. It was great. But then fatherhood arrived and it was a whole different ballgame. Now grand fatherhood sneaked upon me. That's an even wider eye opener.
It's only now that our siblings let loose; telling of their disobedient adventures. I shake my head as theirs rolls with laughter, tickled that they outsmarted me. However, they respected my decisions and knew I cared enough to lay down the law. Tough love! Here's a couple of their adventures.
One day the police called. My daughter had taken Tylenol from a drug store, and even though she had money, decided to not to pay for it. The police asked what I wanted to do. "Give her the works!" I said. "I don't want this happening again." It didn't.
A few years later, Bethanne worked for me in my framing, art supplies and gallery location. She caught a young guy stealing art supplies. He was out the door, but not without her on his tail. He nabbed him, brought him back and told him she was going to call the police. His pleading, apology and promising never to do it again didn't prevent her from bringing on the law. Her reply, "No sir, I learned my lesson and you're going to learn yours!"
Jay pulled a dandy too. He couldn't cover up his stunt. He learned the hard way that rules are not meant to be mean, but to protect those young people who know it all.
I still remember reading a father's advice to his teenage son, "You better leave home now because you know more than you ever have or ever will!"
Bethanne has children of her own now. Amazing, she's harder on the rules than I was. Why? Because she doesn't want her kids to go through the pain of learning the hard way.
Challenge you! They sure will, but I learned to put it back in their lap. They knew the consequences and made the decision to obey or not.
One shouldn't be so domineering that kids can't move, but if the consequences for disobeying is worse than the crime, you just might have them come thank you when they climb over fools hill.
Mine complained about how hard they had to work. I was a single Dad. At graduation, each graduate had to say something about their parents. Jay blew me away when he thanked me for teaching him how to work.
Was tough love worth it? You better believe it!
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