Is it possible to unspoil a spoiled child? The child is ages 4-5.

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   LA Elsenposted 11 years ago

   Is it possible to unspoil a spoiled child? The child is ages 4-5.

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   Souther29posted 11 years ago

   Everything that has been done can always be 'undone' with a little time and effort.
   
   The trouble will be because the child is so used to being spoilt/rewarded so if you start to gradually ween them off rewards/treats they will start to appreciate them more (even though initially they will rebel and not understand why they can't get their own way).
   
   Spoil them in different ways if you are worried it is simply material possessions they crave i.e. toys, presents etc. try and reward them with maybe 30 minutes extra to stay up, or an extra bedtime story, or trip to the park... things they will really learn to value. You're still rewarding them, but in a healthier way.
   
   I have no kids but if I did have, then these are the kinds of things I would try out so hope it helps in some way! I am an only child so did learn the value of things from a young age.

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      LA Elsenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for commenting Southern29. I like your take on the situation. There are many ways to spoil a child that are harmless.

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   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   Yes, but it is a challenge. Try watching Nanny TV shows on Netflix or picking up a few books about how the French raise their children. Good luck.

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      savvydatingposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      French Twist is a good book because it involves an American mom who decided to go French in her parenting, and it worked!!

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      lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      "Bringing Up Bebe" is similar to that story.

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      LA Elsenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for commenting. I believe there are some great books and tips out their. I read the French Twist, it seemed very similar to how I was raised.

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   atechwizposted 11 years ago

   I think the key will be the parent(s) being consistent.  I have heard and I do believe that one of the worst things that parents can do is being inconsistent.  In orther words, if a child has been told the rules but sometimes you enforce them and sometimes you do not then the child will push more because they know that sometimes you give in.  Whereas, if you are always consistent then the child has clearly defined expectations, rules, rewards, etc.

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   ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years ago

   4 to 5 years is too young and they are formative years. Parents can very easily develop good habits in children and save the children from being spoilt. Just a little bit of patience is all it takes.

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   Kevin Peterposted 11 years ago

   It's not possible to call a child between 4-5 to be spoiled. The child is still too young and what ever he does in not deliberately done. We can just call such children to be naughty.
   It's the love and good care of parents that can change a child into a good one. Parents should be their role model. Do only good things infront of them. Never use bad words infront of a child of this age. Even though they don't know the real meaning of such words they will simply try to copy them.
   Never scold your child at this age but try to make him do good with your love and good words.

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   skperdonposted 11 years ago

   My doctor told me that there is no such thing as spoiling a child. I have experienced that a well loved child can be shown what is right and what is wrong by explaining things patiently.
   
   If they do something wrong again, you quietly, explain what would happen. And, if it happens again, you temporarily take away a favourite toy or t.v show and be determined that they learn no matter how much heart wrenching tears you have to see.
   
   Oh! You will both get emotional, so you can hug each other ( unless you are faced with an angry child, then you just look for signs of the anger abating), but stay firm on the lesson. 
   
   Your hug does not mean that you are backing down from the lesson, it just means that your love has not gone away. So consistently taking away a favourite, until your  4-5 year old understands what is right at his/her age, it is going to get through. The first lesson is always the hardest, on both of you.
   
   Remember now, it's a life lesson, and if your baby understands it well you will only have to teach it once. Four to five is school age.
   
   Be patient and Stay strong mom!

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   bydojoposted 11 years ago

   Define spoiled. Then see what behaviours you'd like to change. Start with one, work your way through the others, as soon as you see results from it. Most important: BE CONSISTENT. Let the child know certain reactions are not OK and there will be consequences for them. Give the appropriate punishment, when needed, making sure the child knows why he's being punished and what's expected from him.
   
   We took care of a child aged 5-6, who was spoiled by the grandmother. In less than 2 weeks said child stopped the behaviours we didn't approve of and acted calmer and happier.

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      LA Elsenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Consistency is key. My mother was a child care provider and did the same with her group of children. Thanks for the comment.

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   James Sahnposted 11 years ago

   i disagree that you can't spoil a young child. if you give even a small child everything that they want, you create a world for them where their every need is met and it is only natural that they'll rebel when they are surprisingly (to them at least) denied getting their way.
   
   my sister dealt with this with her kids. after trying for years to get pregnant, when she had her twins she gave them everything. when they turned 3 and started going to 1/2 day preschool, she discovered her mistake. her children were adorable and sweet and loving... most of the time. however when other kids wouldn't give them their way, they'd bite and hit and throw fits. when the teacher tried to correct them and redirect their behavior, they got even worse.
   
   my sister's solution was to continue to 'spoil' them with love and affection but to start setting firm, loving limits. she just let the fits and outbursts roll over her and held firm to be consistent. it hardly took any time for them to stop being spoiled tyrants and to accept that the world has other people in it. they're now 16 years old and are wonderful.

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      skperdonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You are describing a situation where the the parent let the situation get out of control. As a parent or caregiver you have to be proactive, spot a developing situation and start to turn it around. There is a fine line between love and lapse here.

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      James Sahnposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Exactly my point. Children are spoiled by their parents, and it's up to the parents to rectify the situation. As my grandmother used to say, "you can't spoil a child with love, but you can spoil a child."

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      LA Elsenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the comment. I think your sister is a pretty amazing mom. Bottom line you have to let them know they are loved no matter what.

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    Man of Strengthposted 11 years ago

    Yes, but it depends on the child. Gauge your approach by the child's personality. It will take consistency. I learned that the hard way. While 4-5 is very young, following through is key. Don't give in when the child resists. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

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       LA Elsenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Sorry if this appears twice - I agree that is depends on the child's personality. My son is so much more sensitive to discipline than his sisters so we have to adjust how we say things to him .

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    kmmmkposted 11 years ago

    Yes, but you have to have alot of patience.  Try to remember that it's the parent who needs to be in control, not the other way around.  If you are letting the child have his/her way all the time, just to keep them quiet or so they won't "embarrass" you in public, try to picture the outcome of that situation when the child turns into a teenager.  The answer to your question, is yes.  When the child is 4-5, he/she becomes spoiled, but when the child becomes a teenager...watch out!! He/ she becomes spoiled "rotten."  Take it from a mother of 8! P.S. Stand your ground.  You will thank yourself later on.

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    Vanessa-R-28posted 8 years ago

    I have two children, ages 10 and 6, and both of them were extremely spoiled. My daughter was spoiled because she was my first born and my son, well because he was my last one. I didn't realize that I was spoiling my children until my son was about 4. Once I started realizing how spoiled my kids were, I would donate a toy everytime they'd throw a tantrum and then I would talk to them about why I was giving their toys away.
    As time went on, if they wanted something, they had to work for it, and by working for it I mean they had to do chores during the week or weekend (depending on what they wanted). But I also talk to them about how they cannot always get what they want and how we should all be grateful for what we have. So sometimes if they ask for new toys or games I'll suggest having a little "party" to celebrate what we do have. ( Our parties consist of us baking together, cooking together, and playing with the toys and games we already have and then we put everything up and watch a movie of their choice)

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