Why do some brothers and sisters get along well in some families, but not in mos

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   shamsAlAriyafposted 10 years ago

   Why do some brothers and sisters get along well in some families, but not in most families?
   
   Getting along in the sense of having fun with each other, and not fighting each other, or simply being cold with each other. I have seen bros and sistrs who almost need no friends at all, they are friends with each other. In my case, we respect each other, but rarely see each other...why is that???? My hypothesis is that close family members are not the norm.
   
   

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   Larry Wallposted 10 years ago

   I do not know if most families have the problem you raised--many do. However, I think the problem is a lack of maturity and the failure to understand that some siblings will need more attention than others. I was one of three and the youngest. I had to bad eyes, speech impairment, etc. I got more attention. I think my siblings resented it. As we all matured, we all came to understand that each of us had our special time but in some cases more attention is needed for one child and more is expected of others. My wife was one of six. The age difference between the youngest and older children created some issues, that with time and everyone entering adulthood were resolved. As far as your question is concerned, are your siblings in the same city or state. Do they have families of their own, are your parents still living.
   
   When both parents die, the children lose the focal point of the family. As they have their own families their priorities have to change. My older brother died several years ago. I had seen him three years before his death. We talked on the phone a few times each year. He lived in Montana. I lived in Louisiana. Visits were hard to arrange.
   
   My wife has a friend who had six children. They all live in the same area and once a week they have family night. Whoever wants to come can, but it is not an obligation. Sometimes all six, with spouses and children come, some time only three will come.
   
   Families and siblings have to adapt. Siblings need to forget some of the "short end situations" they faced as young children and look upon their brothers and sisters as adults and seek to build a mature relationship. That will not work for everyone--I know that. But it is the best starting point I can offer.

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      shamsAlAriyafposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Good answer, I appreciate that. However, are there biological reasons behind this? Or is it all about upbringing? Is there anything I can do today to my children for them to grow close to each other? Children range in age between 5 to 18!!

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      Larry Wallposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      My brother was 12 years older than me. When I was six he was 18 and two years later he joined the Air Force. He was my mother's favorite. My sister got stuck with watching over me. Give each child their space and do not compare one to another.

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   gmwilliamsposted 10 years ago

   
   
   Sibling relationships are psychologically intricate.Siblings can be simultaneously the very best of friends or the very worst of enemies.  Siblilngs can be comrade at arms or intense competitors/rivals.Sibling  relationships can be either warm as a late August or as chilly as late December. 
   
   No one can love or hate like siblings.While some siblings stick together through thick and thin,there are same fairweather siblings that would go behind their sibilngs' back or would subject them to the most negative of scenarios.There are siblings who routinely abuse and/or bully each other physically, psychologically, emotionally, mentally, even psychically.There are favorite siblings to whom other siblings maintain that the world is alright with the former and such siblings are deified while are less favored siblings are ostracized, often treated as odd siblings out.
   
   There are siblings who believe in fair play and respect while there are siblings who routinely use upmanship and gamemanship as methods of relating to each other.There are siblings who are happy at other siblings' success, encouraging and nurturing the latter towards success.  Conversely, there are siblings who HATE that other siblings are more successful than they are.Some would go lengths to sabotage, even ruin the other siblings' chances of success. 
   
   There are envious siblings who hate other siblings because of physical appearance, talents, and/or innate psychologies.There are also siblings who deride and disdain other siblings because of their psychological makeup, disabilities, physical appearance, and IQ. There are siblings who stay together for life while some just simply grow apart because they develop different interests and beliefs. 
   
   Many siblings disassociate from other siblings because they have acquired a lifestyle that is divergent different from their other siblings. For example, a sibling may attended college whereas his/her other siblings did not and the former believes that because of his/her educational attainment, there is no longer a commonality.So he/she disassociate from his/her sibling bond and find people with whom he/she has a commonality with. 
   
   Yes, there are siblings who stick together because of family obligation.  They feel that because they are blood,they have to tolerate each other.  They tend to act perfunctory towards each other. This is akin to a toxic emotional incest. They MUST be with each other as they believe there is NO ONE ELSE.

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      shamsAlAriyafposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes there are all kinds of siblings' relationships... what I wanted to know is why and whether anything can be done about it. I appreciate your reply very much.

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