How do you treat a man who gets annoyed of little things and remain closed up after .
It was time for us to have lunch and I was talking to my mother on phone,He got angry and chose to answer me monotone since then.
He can keep that up till 3 days and will only talks to you when he needs to and the painful part is he will be laughing and talking to everyone happily except me.
He won't answer when you ask of what's wrong even if you did it for the first time without knowing he has a broblem with it.
Then he just begin to act normal again like nothing happened, being more helpful and sweet .
It is difficult to know how best to answer as you do not say whether you are married. A helpful book is Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free.
Sorry but this dude sounds like a selfish, controlling d-bag.
Sorry to say, but I kind of agree with Keith. I wouldn't put up with something like that. I can see him maybe getting upset about that a little since maybe he wanted to spend time with you and have your full attention, but he shouldn't hold a grudge for days. I would just apologize and try to give him more of your full attention, not being on your cell phone a lot when you are together. However, if he can't accept your apology for days, and acts likes this all the time, I think I would find someone else to date or get married to.
If you are going to stay with this man, then you need to have a heart to heart as to why he is annoyed and holds his anger in. You did say something, which made me think of an uncle who used to do the same thing. When you said it was time to have lunch and you decided to talk on the phone to your mother. My uncle was a stickler for manners and got easily angered when he thought someone was rude to him whether the act was big or small. To him it was less about the act and more about the intentions behind it. If mealtimes in your home are about not only eating but spending time together, then answering the phone for a non-important call that you could have responded to later is very rude. You may have left him to eat alone or made him wait until you got off. You may want to look back to each time he is annoyed to see whether he is overly sensitive, or if you do things like this all the time which is letting him know you take him for granted. As a child, I can remember family night (Fridays), we would rent movies and my mother would get on the phone in the living room and talk to everyone. She was so loud it was hard to hear the movie, and if we turned up the volume she would yell and say we were rude as she was on the phone. We would ask her to leave the room if she wanted to talk, and she would either say just pause the movie or she could watch and talk at the same time. When we got older (pre-teen) we just stopped movie night. Many people do similar things such as always showing up late; promising your spouse will help a neighbor without asking your spouse if they are free or want to do the work; etc. My bet is you might be doing things which he considers rude, but that is also part of your personality and he holds a grudge hoping you will catch on (which is passive aggressive and annoying in and of itself). Have the heart to heart and hopefully you can move past this.
Thanks a lot honey I like your advice, I will do just that. Thanks a lot.
Lawrencia, I doubt that you are anything like James' mother. Give yourself more credit. If your boyfriend makes you cry again, do not be so quick to blame yourself. You deserve to be respected. Please read about narcissists. It could help.
The way he is treating you now is the way he will always treat you. I cannot imagine why you would want to marry someone who acts like a toddler. I am sorry to say so, but marrying this jerk is something you will ultimately regret. You would be smart to get out now!
That being said, some people have to learn the hard way. I guarantee that your life will be hell if you marry him. Abusive men don't change.
absolutely correct, Yves. ...and as they continue to suffer no consequence from such ludicrous behavior, they only get worse!
Thank dear.I want to see if it will repeat itself because he once saw me crying and apologized that it won't happen again and that was the second time .
Thanks a lot.
making you cry was what he wanted. Emotional manipulation. He now knows how to get to you.
Fine, Lawrencia.....Now, you need to communicate to him that you don't appreciate disrespect either!! The sooner, the better. A relationship is about TWO people of equal value and worthiness!!
Lawrencia, I'm afraid my comment may be painfully honest, but that truth is what may save you from making a terrible mistake. You have described for us a man (child, more accurately) who either suffers from high level Bi-polar disorder, or is simply an immature, selfish misogynist, you would do well to put out of your life.
If you find you cannot do this, I'd like to suggest you POSTPONE your marriage for about........20 years. Also, if you cannot wash this scary man right outta your hair, there's a definite need for relationship counseling with a skilled professional.
In the meantime, I must stress this bit of advice on what to do and perhaps even more importantly, what not to do where this man is concerned. Regardless of how much self-control it may take on your part, when He pulls the "silent treatment," let him be! Ignore him and do NOT ask him what is wrong with him. (we here have told you "what's wrong with him.") Let him stew,pout and be a child. Focus on yourself, what you are doing, and keep a smile on your face, as though his behavior is not even noticed.
It's a game to him. Don't be confused~Be in control......If it continues, my friend, cut your few losses and RUN!.......Peace, Paula
So true, Paula. Responding to his bad behavior is rewarding his emotional abuse. Not a good plan.
Thanks dear. I will give that a try next time. Thanks a lot.
Thanks to all 3 of you. Lawrencia, use all of this great advice from everyone to your benefit.
Am glad I joined this media , I had my answer from Tomi Smith .
He said he just doesn't like being disrespect or ignored and he will make sure he notice me if I do something wrong from now on.
Am grateful for all your answers.
" If you call them out about how how the person is not making any effort to help themselves they use emotional blackmail to camouflage the zero respect that they have for your own personal space. They don't respect your 'no' for an answer."
Manipulative tactics; Selective Inattention, Playing the innocent victim, Vilifying the codependent.
Ways to eliminate manipulation in your relationships; Stop responding to 'crazy-making', ignore them.
Do not become codependent on the approval of others because that is a sure sign to social predators that you can be a manipulated. We cannot stop having emotions but don't have to be slaves to them. Think of the triggers that may cause emotional hijacking.
The only important thing is that you love that man, maybe he is a little irritating or maybe he does have problems like some of the people in this post commented, but I don't think it really matters because when you love someone you dont let anything break you. I just want to tell you that if you really love him stay strong and forever stay close to God and family. God bless you
He may in fact be bipolar, or have those type of tendencies. I won't tell you to run for the hills because I don't like to prejudge other peoples situation. Plus, everyone has some type of flaw(s) and no one is perfect. But I will say that I don't think the situation will get any better without some sort of therapy or at least acknowledgement on his part. If you try talking to him and he denies this problem behavior or tries to manipulate the scenario and put the entire blame on you (emotional abuse), then you should seriously consider whether this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Good luck honey. Wish you the best.
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