I have two boys nine years apart. Its not always easy, but I love to nurture so mothering is in my genes. My oldest son I have always been open with and straight forward and I believe that its my job as a mother to teach him how to live. I tell him that its not about being fat or skinny its about being healthy because he has some weight on him. I tell him that he is never to hit a girl but she is not to hit him either, I tell him that his first kiss should be special and if he likes a girl but hears that she has been with many others that you don't want her because if she is with tom, dick and harry you won't be anything special to her. I tell him that he wants a good girl who is honest, kind hearted and smart. Not a girl who swears, does drugs and sleeps around. I tell him that he deserves good things in life. I tell him that if he tries hard in school he will get into a good college and have many opportunities in life.
Its definatley hard to raise children because we can tell them everything positive but we never know how their lives will turn out, thats where faith comes in.
Seems you've "told" him quite a bit, winter11, have you ever asked him anything?
I like that last comment! Have you ever asked or at the very least listened? It seems like you've bombarded him with false unconscious moralities that our pathetic religious politics frolic in punishing us over. Honestly...the best medicine is to truly listen. No matter what , express you unconditional love. " I will always be there for you baby, no matter what. You are an individual, one of a kind and I hope I have been wise enough to grace you with integrity". In short if he chooses NOT to follow your compassionate direction, you are not to blame alone. Give him guidance, be his parent, be his friend. If in the long run he takes a self destructive turn....once again...this is your child...no matter how hard...remember..."I will always be there for you baby"!!! AND....MEAN IT. It will work wonders...Love and acceptance are what we all pine over. Don't let your child wonder. Make it clear. Guilt will have no forte.
I agree, teaching is important but listening is also essential.
You are a nice and intelligent mother. You deserve love and respect from your children. I like to add one thing more. Don't just tell them thinks what is good or bad. Don't advice what he should do and which way he should go. This creates hindrance in developing their self esteem. Rather ask them what they thinks of, try to know their views. I think the result would be more positive.
What kind of advice is that?
Incredibly, I think you believe your own advice.
Yes I have a open communication with my son. We talk frequently about life, growing up and we are very close. I think because I have taken the time to talk with him thats why he feels safe and comfortable to talk to me.
That's exactly what I wanted to mean! Grown up children or teens don't like advice, I mean do's and dont's like of things. As parents we have to be concerned, have to tell things which is good or bad, but it should not be presented like a teacher.
I think what you are doing is the right thing and it must bring you the good result.
May GOD bless you and your children.
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