I am a divorced father of two girls who's mother has NPD. When she has visitation she shows a lot of anger, or wants them to come back to my house so she can have a date over or whatever. The girls are very confused about what mom is doing. How do I answer their questions about mom's behaviors?
Tell them that their mother is just undergoing difficult times. They can both remember the times when their mother acts differently so don't cover for it, tell them the truth in a nice way!
Your girls probably understand more than you realize. The most important issue is that they do not feel responsible for their mothers behavior. Try to avoid detail and volunteering information they dont need but answer honestly and simply. If mom is mad, she is mad and you are sorry she is mad. If mom is unpredictable and moody, it would be a good idea to reassure your girls that you are different from mom in case they are afraid you will be like that also.
At 6 and 8 children are far more intelligent than we give them credit. Narcacissm is a nightmare for the individual and the people around them. Without getting into the psychology I would suggest the best way to counteract the effects of this is let your children know you love them, listen too them, reassure things will settle down, explian too them that mum is under a lot of pressure but never besmirch mum in front of the children, this is always counterproductive and ultimitaly leads to friction and confusion.
Honesty, patience and love will always prevail over knee jerk reactions and two warring factions.
I agree with the above. Give them credit for intelligence and be honest with them using terms and concepts they can grasp.
Tread lightly my friend. The last thing you want your girls doing is going back to their mother with a "daddy said this" premptive phrase.
In cases like this where children are concerned the best thing to do is say something that merely states their mother is having a hard time right now and that it has no reflection on them. Don't say to much more it is very easy for children to be put in the middle. And if "mommy" is as narcisstic as you say your always wrong anyway. Good luck!
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