- Family and Parenting»
Do kids really listen when parents talk? Nature vs. Nurture?
Does talking make a difference?
Everywhere you go you hear these words, "Talk to your children, it's the anti-drug, the anti-sex, the anti-drinking". Ok, perhaps it's not phrased exactly like that, but you get my point. Basically, the world tells us if we "TALK" to our kids, they will NOT do drugs, they will NOT drink, they will NOT have sex before marriage (or at the least will use protection!).
My question to all of you is this: Do you really think talking to your children about these issues makes a difference or not?
I realize right now at minimum half of you reading this think I'm an idiot. Of course talking to your children is a good thing and it helps is what you're probably thinking. And, in some instances you are probably 100% correct. What I'm trying to make my point on is that sometimes YOU would be wrong. (YOU being the people that think talking ALWAYS changes how your children see things, and will always prevent them from doing said bad things, if the talk is handled properly....not everyone reading this!)
I won't disclose any confidences in this hub, nor will I give you titillating little stories to entertain you (Perhaps another time), but I will say loosely "In my experience", this approach makes little to no difference if a child is so-inclined.
I began, literally, to discuss not smoking, drinking, or using drugs to my two sons when they were in their high chairs. I myself do not smoke, have never smoked, and since divorcing their biological father, have not allowed anyone to smoke in my home. Yet, I have two sons that both like to smoke, Granted, the oldest is not at the moment smoking, as he's trying to "quit", but he's resorted to tobacco chewing (which I never did either I might add! LOL), so that doesn't really count as "quitting" tobacco altogether now does it? So does that go back to the "nature" thing? Is it their "nature" to smoke because their biological father smokes? Or is because I failed to "nurture" them properly?
Studies have shown:
1. Adoptive children share a personality closer to their biological parents then to their adoptive parents.
2. Environmental factors seem to have no bearing on personality development.
3. However, adoptive parents do have an influence on their adopted child's values, faith, politics, and attitude.
There are numerous studies on this subject, and depending on whom you talk to you'd probably get different opinions, but I am interested in hearing what some of you believe, and why.
As I said before, I won't go into the "dirty" laundry on here, suffice to say there is more to the story than merely smoking cigarettes. :) And part of the reason I'm keeping a huge part of it to myself is the fear of ridicule. One of the other things I have a very hard time hearing from people is the phrase "A child lives what it sees or learns", or something along those lines. I divorced their biological father (and you'll notice I use that phrase though out this article, as I do not feel the term "Dad" should be handed out lightly, and he is not one to them, but that's for another "rant"), but I got them out of the house at an early age so they would NOT grow up to watch drinking, smoking, and intermittent drug use. I do not do any of those things, and did not want my boys to grow up thinking those things were alright. In all fairness, I have on occasion had a wine cooler, just never been drunk, so they didn't witness it in my home. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, that's not my point in this article, just saying they did not witness those types of transgressions in my house. If we're talking about their temper, or their hatred of chores, THOSE are my fault! I take full blame for those!
Anyway, lest I lose you from boredom, I will end this now. But please share your feelings on this subject with me. Thank you, and good luck with your "talks" with your kids!