Honey, What's For Dinner?

"Honey, why don't we grab a couple of burgers for dinner tonight?" my lovely wife asked this evening. It had been a very long, rough day for both of us and the evening and dinnertime snuck up on us. I had made it home shortly after 5:00 PM and found our son working hard at his homework, my wife finishing Christmas shopping for the year online and I was beat: the last couple of days have been challenging at work and my attempts at dieting had met with some success but tonight I was in the mood for a treat. So when she suggested burgers, well that sounded pretty good to me.

Oh, how I was to regret that decision.

5:45 PM We leave the house to travel to the golden arches for a meal from the dollar menu. Not healthy but sometimes ya just gotta have some junk food. As we pulled up to order, I suddenly had a change of heart. For some reason, a chili cheese coney popped into my mind.

"Honey, instead of a burger I think I'll get a coney across the street after we get burgers and fries for the kids. Would you prefer something from over there?"

She considered this for a nanosecond then said, "Well, we can get the kids those chicken strip sandwiches from their dollar menu so let's just go there."

With nary another thought, I pulled out of the line and headed across the street.

5:55 PM Pull into the parking spot and make our decision. With our order in mind, I pressed the button and waited.

5:57 PM "Thank you for choosing S_n_c, my name is Mary; how can I help you tonight?" A young, nervous, yet moderately pleasant voice wafted across the tinny speaker.

"Yes, I need two chicken strip sandwiches plain..."

(voice interrupts) "Would you like those crispy or grilled?"

(Never been asked that before) "Crunchy."

"Will that be all?"

(Me shaking my head) "No, I also need a chicken strip sandwich with everything...crunchy!"

"Okay, one moment please." (What, am I on hold here?) I look at my wife and shrug my shoulders, waiting.

(Voice comes back) "Will that be all?"

(Voice in my head yells Hell no, stop interrupting me!) External voice says "No. I also need one junior deluxe cheeseburger; two small fries; a mini order of onion rings; and a foot long chili cheese coney with tater tots deal."

"Just a moment."

Wait.

Wait.

Wait. Look at clock. 6:10 PM.

"Okay, let me read this back to you. Two chicken strip sandwiches, one plain, one regular. One chicken strip sandwich plain. Two small fries, one foot long chili cheese coney, an order of tater tots. Is that all?"

Frustration setting in. "No, there is also a junior deluxe cheeseburger and a mini order of onion rings."

"Would you like anything to drink with this?"

"No thank you."

"Okay. That will be $25.63. Thank you."

Explosions going off in my head. "That can't be right! Let's see, coney and tots, $4.00; three chicken strip sandwiches $4.50; two small fries, $2.50; mini order of onion rings, $1.00; junior deluxe cheeseburger $1.50. That's like$13, $14 bucks!"

"One moment please."

6:15 PM "Okay, this is Shelby and I will be helping you now. The other girl is new. Let me read this back to you. I have two chicken strip sandwiches, one plain, one regular. One chicken strip sandwich, plain. One junior deluxe cheeseburger, one regular onion ring, one chili cheese coney and a tater tot. Is that correct?"

"That is supposed to be a mini onion ring and also please add two small fries."

"Okay, let me just add two small fries and make that a mini onion ring. Okay, that brings the total to $24.87. Thank you!"

"Whoa whoa whoa! How can that possibly be right?!? Let's go over that again. Each chicken strip sandwich is $1.49 so basically we're talking $4.50. Chili cheese coney and tots is $3.99 so call that $4.00. Junior deluxe cheeseburger goes for $1.69. A small fry is $1.19 times two so call that $2.40. Mini onion ring is a buck. $4.50 plus $4 plus $2.40 plus $1.70 plus $1.00 brings the total to what, $13? $14 or so?!?!?"

"Oh, I am so sorry! You don't want the super deluxe chicken then? Okay, let me change that for you."

By this time, I was getting a tad more than frustrated. I looked at the clock on the dash (6:17 PM) and realized I had been trying to place my order for twenty (20!) minutes STRAIGHT! I reached for the key, looked at my wife and in that instant, she read my eyes and knew I was ready to leave. But she laid her hand on my arm and said "Patience!". Then, in a whisper added "I really don't want my food to be spit on so watch what you say!"

(Deep breath) "Okay babydoll, I will", then I wait for that melodious voice to emerge from the tiny speaker next to my window.

And wait.

And wait.

My wife said "You know there is no way this order is going to be right, don't you?"

I nod my head and agree. "Check it here when its delivered or at home?"

"Here."

Finally, at 6:23 PM I heard "Alrighty then, that will be $14.31. Your order will be right out!" Perky as hell, borderline smarmy, completely irritating after all this time talking.

Finally, at 6:30 PM our order arrives. Or at least most of it. The carhop rushed back out with one last brown paper bag and thrust it at us with a smile. "You need any ketchup with that?"

"No thank you. Bye!" I look at my wife and ask "Check it before we go?"

"Ah, hell no; let's just leave!"

So we head home for a long delayed dinner. Once we arrive, sort out the items and check them out we realize: there was one mistake. All three of the chicken strip sandwiches were plain. I looked at the receipt to see and it was correct (miracle of miracles), someone just forgot to add the normal items to the one our daughter would eat. But what the heck; after all that we went through to even get this miserable meal, she could just eat the damn thing plain!

So in the end, we got a should have been hot but ended up cold dinner full of empty calories, stale fries, three (3) onion rings, a crappy cheeseburger, a greasy chili cheese coney and a boatload full of frustration. All for the incredible price of over $14.00! What a bargain!

What happened? I understand that a new person was in training but the simple fact that she was unable to listen closely to what I was saying is what I perceive to be the new norm. She interrupted me several times even though I was speaking slowly and enunciating each word, the better to be understood on the other end of the connection. Then when she was replaced, the other girl was not much better, continuing to misunderstand simple directions. Oh well, serves me right for not having a ham sandwich and chips at home.

But in the end, I find it humorous if for no other reason than if I don't I will get upset again. And as my stomach was upset enough after that chili cheese coney, I think that is enough, don't you?