Review, Please!

1. 53

   Healthy Wayposted 13 years ago

   Hi,
   this is my first hub and I need your feedbacks on it? -
   
   Capsiplex - Pepper Weight Loss Pills
   
   What I can improve?
   
   Thanks,
   Alex.

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   1. 0

      BRIAN SLATERposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      hi and welcome to hubpages! A very good first hub, the layout is good, but i agree with some of the others about your sentences being too long, and shorter paragraphs would help to break it up.
      I also thought it was very pushy, may be some background information on where dieting pills originated and how come people want to resort to them  would have helped.

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2. 39

   Dale Nelsonposted 13 years ago

   Perhaps a video.
   I'm not an expert though.
   Fantastic first hub.Better than my first attempt so I got to give credit there.

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3. 96

   wildernessposted 13 years ago

   I'm sorry - I didn't like it.  Two problems in my mind; the entire hub is nothing more than a product ad.  Even the "news" articles are the same thing - just two more ads.  Outside of pushing the product there is no original information.
   
   Sentences are too long - many paragraphs are simply long run on sentences and it made it hard to read.
   
   On the other hand, I found the page layout very nice, with photos spread in a pleasing layout and pertinent to what was being presented.

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   1. 73

      SteveoMcposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Wilderness, you are right on, this is spam.  No original content.  It all comes from a blog.

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4. 57

   Dame Scribeposted 13 years ago

   I have to say make your paragraphs shorter as too much text is hard on the eyes. It's a great start for a promotional and informative Hub, I agree. Welcome to HubPages

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5. 70

   lrohnerposted 13 years ago

   Ditto what Dame Scribe said. Great job on your first hub!
   
   The only real concrete suggestion I have would be to run your text through a grammar checker. For a many folks (like myself), when I see a lot of grammatical errors, I'm outta there like a bat out of hell.

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6. 86

   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   I just read it and think its very good. Layout, writing and photos are easy on the eye making it easy to read and you get your point over about the pills without obviously pushing them.
   I would move the news capsule to above the comments capsule because these news items give your product credence so you want the viewer to see them.

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   1. 73

      SteveoMcposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Izzy, how can you say this is very good?   Look at the sentence structure:
      scientifically verified to cause announced calories burning,  absolutely unrisky for consumers, extremely speed up the organism metabolism, proven to support reduce bad cholesterol level and pressure of blood in your organism, and on and on.  This is practically inventing a new language.

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7. 61

   SunSevenposted 13 years ago

   A good commercial hub. But will attract a lot of thumbs down, if you try to promote it this way. I don't care what you sell, but some people (your competitors) may.
   Best Regards

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8. 60

   Csjun89posted 13 years ago

   It has a lot of content but has the downside of being really aggressive

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9. 68

   HubTweetposted 13 years ago

   I'm new to Hubpages and I'm learning for hub reviews like this.

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