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Grumpy Goats: More Animal Mayhem

Updated on July 20, 2012

Not angry, merely grumpy

Animals launching themselves at each other comprise 16.7% of all online games. The birds got angry at the pigs, initiating avalanches of digital mayhem and copycats. Evidently all strata of phyla hold a grudge against those who look different. Tolerance provides no conflict and makes for a boring online activity.

These days the goats are stricken with angst, feeling the need to fire brethren from cannon. Antagonist sheep rest peacefully in contrived structures obviously not built to code. Your job is to aim the ordnance and optimize goat retribution. It's all fun and it's all on Facebook.

What the goats want to know about you. They are an inquisitive breed.
What the goats want to know about you. They are an inquisitive breed.

Our story, so far

A Hatfield sheep sheared a McCoy goat, or something like that. The goats have secured a goat-sized cannon to wreak revenge on their furry barnyard compatriots. On one side of the screen is the cannon, on the other side is an orthogonal structure built of wooden beams and no nails. Sheep rest comfortably, steadfastly refusing to glance to their right where they would observe a line of goats volunteering to be turned into live missiles.

Keep in mind that you may intervene in this mostly epic dispute. Resist the urge to arm the cannon: the feud fizzles. Click over to YouTube and watch a video instead. Peruse an intriguing treatise on Coolville, Ohio. Participate in the goats vs sheep conflict if you must, but bear in mind that someone already has over 19 million points and you probably have a job and family that loves you very much.

Goatland. Navigate it, if you dare.
Goatland. Navigate it, if you dare.

It's a Goat Goat Goat World

As angry as the goats might seem, you must keep your wits about you in order to wend your way through mildly tortuous levels designed to fill time between reruns of The Mentalist.

We defeated Stages 1-1, 1-2, and 1-3 before sanity called us back to the real world. We also raised a nasty blister on our collective mouse finger. If it doesn't heal by 2014, we plan to obtain free health insurance. It all works out in the end.

Someone will always have more points than you. They probably wear a paper hat to work.
Someone will always have more points than you. They probably wear a paper hat to work.
Global Leaders live in the United States. We will not be outsourcing Grumpy Goat technology.
Global Leaders live in the United States. We will not be outsourcing Grumpy Goat technology.

Grumpy Goats do keep score

Facebook connects the world: goats are in the world. Your scores will be reported to the Grumpy Goat database for safekeeping. In the event that your computer crashes, you can reenter the ballistic barnyard from any Facebook-enabled device.

All your Facebook associates will be privy to your Grumpy Goat progress. Expect friends and family to cheer you on, as you whittle away your self-respect for everyone to see. No one likes those sheep anyway.

A grumpy goat with extensive dental work.
A grumpy goat with extensive dental work.

What's next?

The sheep will eventually be slaughtered and uneasy peace will pervade the barnyard. Terminally unemployed online gamers will require new distractions.

  • Annoyed Anteaters
    Unhappy anteaters spit grape shot with unerring accuracy at unsuspecting ursines.
  • Ticked-off Turtles
    Frustrated shell-dwellers fire 1984 Camaros at mellow marmosets.
  • Beguiled Bacterium
    Single-celled soldiers of fortune launch DNA strands toward luckless leukocytes.

Sheep-hunting accoutrement. Great for weddings and birthdays.
Sheep-hunting accoutrement. Great for weddings and birthdays.

Comments

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    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @psychicdog.net: I agree. :)

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 

      5 years ago

      Whittle away your self-respect before their very eyes! LOL - that's priceless Nicomp - bravo, bravo - drbj - battling bacterium and antagonistic amoeba - this is my kind of hub! Thank you all!

    • nicomp profile imageAUTHOR

      nicomp really 

      5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: Whatever the Amoeba did, they deserve it.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      5 years ago from south Florida

      First it was the Angry Birds, nicomp, then some ticked-off penguins, and now Grumpy Goats. I can hardly wait for the Battling Bacterium especially if they begin lobbing missiles at the Antagonistic Amoeba.

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