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If You Don't Forgive Yourself Now, You'll Hate Yourself Later: 3 Reasons Why

Updated on January 21, 2021

Forgiveness is possible but unfortunately most people have a hard time of doing this. Its not that they don't want to, its the fact that they can't let go of the mistake done. As Steve Maraboli says, “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realise that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

According to Psychology Today, forgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting, or even letting an act go unpunished, although for some people it does. We may forgive someone emotionally, but still feel that they need to experience consequences.

Or we may still feel a need to protect future victims. For our safety and well-being, we may choose to exclude the perpetrator from our lives or from society.

Forgiveness means doing this peacefully, while no longer wishing them harm, wanting them to be miserable, or seeking revenge. Therefore choosing forgiveness can be an act of empowerment.

Forgiveness is not only limited to the other person, and placing too much attention on forgiving that person makes you forget about the most important person, you.

You should come first and remember yourself in any way possible.

You are always told to forgive others but they never emphasise about forgiving yourself. You are a human being and have done mistakes that you probably regret. Things that you never wished you had done.

Things that you would do differently in you had the opportunity to go back in time. But unfortunately they haven’t invented the time machine yet and you’ll have to live with those mistakes.

But lining with your mistakes doesn’t mean you let them have some chuckles of chain on you. You did mistakes, that’s fine and it’s in the past and you are much wiser now. So let’s check out how these can be done, one by one.

1. To have perfect peace of mind.

According to Psychology Today, many studies have shown that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who do not.

Holding on to grudges can harm your health by acting as a chronic stress-or. If you are unforgiving, you get a burst of the stress hormone cortisol every time you think about the offending event.

Constantly replaying and thinking what you did wrong is not in your best interest. You aren’t some physic who could tell that you are about to make these mistakes.

Mistaking at something like your business being bankrupt because you delegated the responsibility to the wrong person and put too much trust on him or her.

That will give the lesson that you need to act as a supervisory or check your finances for yourself.

Happiness and having an excellent frame of mind or peace of mind will keep you sane. If you haven’t forgiven yourself it means that you aren’t happy too with a chaotic mind.

The mistakes you did are in the past and you don’t have a time machine that will help you out with your past. It already happened and dwelling on it for far too long won’t enable you to flourish hence lacking peace of mind.

2. You’ll stop the targeted self-judging.

It happened and you screwed up in one way or another, you can’t change but you can learn from it. But unfortunately, this isn’t what you are thinking about. You are in a state of judgement on yourself.

You’ll judge yourself in a negative way, for example, you say that you aren’t the right guy for the job because you failed at a certain project or assignment. You are judging and criticising yourself too harshly, you screwed up but you can’t be passive.

With this self-judging comes a lack of belief in yourself and you’ll only see all the mistakes you’ve done. There are things you did right that deserve a pat on the back.

Forgiveness to you will bring so much to your core from self-belief to confidence booster.

Also research on couples shows that when one partner doesn't change or show remorse, the other partner's forgiveness actually lowers the forgiver's self-esteem. Forgiveness increases self-esteem in those whose partners take responsibility and work on changing the behaviour according to Psychology Today.

Don’t put yourself on this self-judgement phase; it isn’t productive at all for you.This is why you should forgive yourself because your well-being is affected positively.

3. You’ll love yourself and life unconditional

Self-love is the only way to a fulfilling and happy life. Do you accept yourself and all the mistakes or failures you have encountered? If you cannot learn from these failure this is where self-loathing and not being forgiving to self arises.

Self-acceptance and self-love will be the last thing you’ll think of when you screw up or fail hence the need for forgiveness.

You should be your biggest fan and if to forgive yourself is what you need for that to happen then do it. You should cheer yourself on for value and happiness in yourself to happen.

You cannot hate yourself and life and expect that amazing things will happen. You will start with constant complaining about life and the different mistakes you did.

The excitement and joy of life will gradually seep out of you and bitterness will take its place. Nobody is immune to mistakes and failures but the key here is to accept, forgive and learn from these mistakes.

Forgiveness will bring a much more fulfilling life and love for what you achieved and the mistakes you did will make you an even happier person.

You got to enjoy life and letting the mistakes bring you down or weigh you down will make you see the glass half empty.


Forgiveness will make you heal within yourself and it’s actually good for your well-being both to your mind and spirit. It won’t be easy but you can’t continue replaying that mistake over and over again.

I know that know you are much knowledgeable due to the mistake you made. It wasn’t all in vain.

Be the first person that you forgive and later you’ll forgive the rest. You are number one in your life, don’t discredit that. If you don't do this you are nurturing fear, anxiety and depression.

Mistakes are bound to happen in a month or year from now but that does not mean you are some kind of loser or the first and last person to experience this. Even Superman makes mistakes and he does forgive himself.

Do you know of any other reasons to forgive yourself for mistakes done that I haven’t mentioned?

Then do share and tell in the comments section below. Also share this with your friends and family, sharing is caring.

To your prosperity.

-Michael Kamenya


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