A Mother & Daughter Cry

As a mother, I have gone thru some difficult things with my angel girl, but today was especially hard. Today was her 9th birthday. The first birthday, since she met my husband, that he was not here to celebrate with her. He may as well have been in them all since she can't remember the toddler birthdays. I did the school cupcake thing today. She enjoyed her gifts. She had missionettes today. Her dad made her birthday camping wish come true last weekend. My presence was 'mandatory' so I survived nature. There is still birthday fun to come on Fri, Sat, and next Wed. All of this did not stop the truth from penetrating her little heart. On the way home from missionettes club, my baby girl shed her tears for her Daddy Robert. I could not protect her from sadness. I couldn't protect her from grief. I try to be an example for her. I try to show her joy despite the grief and pain. Still, the tears and questions came.

So, I heard what she had to say. I caressed and comforted thru hugs. I let her know that it is ok to be happy and ok to be sad. Then the questions came. Why did God take him? Why couldn't he be here for my birthday? He was ok when I kissed him goodnight, why was he gone in the morning? She has no choice but to turn to me, her mother, for help and answers. She doesn't know or understand how broken I am. My foundation and understanding is not any more solid than hers is. I fight back the questions and anger forcing myself to remember that I chose faith many years ago. I don't feel it and I am not sure if I believe it, but I still choose it.

With the amount of pain that we are dealing with, you would think new pain would not sting, but for a mother to know that this is a boo boo that she can't take care of stings. It stings like vinegar on an open wound. So I decided the best thing to do was to be honest and cry with her. I told her that I don't understand either and I miss him everyday too. Then I shared my beliefs. 'God is good. He knows so much more than we do. I don't understand. I want Daddy here with us too but I trust God even when its hard or I am hurt.' Then she went and talked to God.

So now I am here, more tears, more thoughts, and more feeling uneasy about the upcoming holidays. In two weeks it will be Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then we enter the first new year without my Prince. Lord help us and bring me words and works of encouragement.

I found a hub that I think will help me with how to deal with my child's grief.