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Abandonment issues - Causes and how to get over them

Updated on October 4, 2011

I feel for anyone going through something like this but I can positively tell you it is not about you. The feelings of why and the confusion about what you did or did not do are real but you have to realize that they are beyond your control and in the past. As for the the causes, it is probably not worth spending a lot of time on that topic and here's why, once again, it is not within your control.

You have to concentrate on the future. The best advice I ever read was in a book by a Nazi death camp survivor, who said (and I'm paraphrasing here) the people who survived were able to keep control of who they were in spite of their horrific circumstance.

They kept this control by realizing they have no control over what others did to them. After all, they were there solely because of their ethnicity and you can not control who your parents are. Similarly you have no control over being abandoned by someone and you never will.

What you do have control over is how you choose to respond to those people and that circumstance. Once you accept that idea and choose to control what is within your control, you can begin to look forward and not keep looking in the past.

Now there is a great deal more to this and I probably did not do justice to the concept but I hope it makes some sense to a few and helps even just one person...

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    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 8 years ago from Neverland

      Hi Tom T - First, thank you for answering my request. Second, your hub makes perfect sense - especially after reading what the Nazi death camp survivor wrote. Those are very strong words to live by and I am going to try my hardest to implement that state of being into my life...thank you.

    • Tom T profile image
      Author

      Tom T 8 years ago from Orange County, CA

      Hi Ardie,

      I went and looked for the book. It was written by Viktor Frankl. Here's a Wiki about him and his work.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man's_Search_for_Mean...

      It is kind of a hard read but I read it over 15 years ago and it made quite an impression on me.

      All the best to you and thank you for your kind words.

    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 8 years ago from Neverland

      Oooh...I think this is the same book someone may have recommended to me a few years back...is the full title Man's Search for Meaning? I think thats too much to be a coincidence...I'll have to get it now and see why it keeps coming up for me.

    • 6hotfingers3 profile image

      6hotfingers3 6 years ago

      Thank you for this article. It contains information I can use with my grand-daughter and her father abandoning his wife and child. Good down to earth info.

    • Tom T profile image
      Author

      Tom T 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

      6hotfingers3 - No Problem. Always glad to help. Sorry to hear this happening to a child. Always the toughest thing to hear.

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