Always and Never: How to Use These Words and How Not To

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes"

-Obi Wan Kenobi Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Be careful how you think and speak. For whether you believe it or not, you create your reality. Napoleon Hill taught us that thoughts are things. Modern science will show that a brain in action and in the process of thought gives off energy.

In the next few valuable paragraphs we're going to take a look at how two seemingly simple words can either elevate your mental status and ultimately your immediate surroundings or undermine your mental status and then ultimately your immediate surroundings.

But why the Star Wars reference? In Star Wars, the Sith are people who use and work with the Dark Side of the Force. Basically, they're mostly evil, self-centered and self-serving. It's all about them.

If thoughts are things and dealing with absolutes will bring you down, doesn't it make since to examine the words you think and ultimately use?

Henry Ford made a statement once that is very appropriate here. "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're absolutely right. "

Thoughts are energy and have power. Thoughts become words.

• "Man, this always happens to me!"
• "It never works out for me"
• I'm always late"
• "You never answer the phone when I call."
• "He always forgets to put his socks in the hamper."
• "This girl will never go out with me."

Have you ever said or had a thought like this? We're you right about the thought? Does it matter? The reality became exactly what you thought and spoke of. You put something out there and then your subconscious clocked in and got to work validating exactly what you put out there, regardless of the truth of the matter. Nobody likes to be wrong. Right?

The thing to do here is step outside yourself for one moment and realize that it's not really always like that and that instead of it never working out; actually, many times it does work out.

Let's take another statement for example and let's use one of the little adages from The Secret .

The Parking Spot

"I can never seem to find a good parking spot!" OR "This place always seems to have the worst parking!"

Is that true? Really? Come on, think about it. There have been times where you found a kick ass parking spot and you know it. It's not all the time. It doesn't happen all the time. Here's where one of these words fits; it's never always... unless you want it to be.

If you tend to be one of those people who seem to attract bad parking spaces, try this: spend a week being grateful for every parking spot you get and thinking about how every parking spot you get is the perfect spot for you and before you arrive at your destination visualize what the perfect spot would look like and watch was happens. Just watch.

Let's take this up a notch because parking your car is like warming up. If you're negative about a parking spot, the line at the bank, or sitting in traffic, the question I have for you is, what else "never" happens in your life and what "always" does happen to you?

You see, the little stuff... (remember the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff? I prefer another word that starts with "s" but I'm trying to keep this more decent than my sailor made mouth) The little stuff can very well become a symptom to the big stuff. The stuff that you do want to sweat.

• "This world will never be right for me."
• "I always seem to get sick this time of year."
• "I'll never win"
• I"I always wind up getting my heart broken"

This list can go on for days...

For now, I say sweat the small stuff. If you find yourself using words like "always" and "never" and your mind is full of little negatives everyday, it's time to redirect where you're allowing your mind to take you.

The ego loves homeostasis and order. This is why thoughts like always and never pop up. So is it possible to take something small like, "I can never seem to find a good parking spot" and turn it into something magnificent like "I will always deserve to be loved by this man/woman in my life."

It is always possible. But first you need to build a foundation and you do that by sweating the small stuff...

"Being responsible does NOT mean that everything bad that happens is caused by you! You are responsible for how you respond, what your next move will be or how you interpret the experience... but not necessarily the cause of the experience itself ."

-Blair Singer from his book Sales Dogs .

You must gain control of the ego and its "little voice."

When you have a negative thought, or even better, as soon as a negative thought begins to brew, put that thought and yourself in check.

Recognize that you're starting to think like a Sith (back to Star Wars) in absolutes. And now one of the many blessings of your humanity comes to life here and that you actually have the ability to respond differently than the way you're ego is trying to get you to think.

You are RESPONSE ABLE for how you choose to react to any given situation. Now here's a gut check for you and something to keep in mind next time you hit a traffic jam, can't find a place to park, loose your wallet, miss an appointment, or any other happenstance you can think of.

"Nothing is happening to you, it is happening because of you" -Grant Cardone

This little nugget was laid on me at a seminar recently and let me tell you, this is assuming complete and utter responsibility for your life and your immediate surroundings. This is Response-Ability in it's purest form.

No you don't control traffic or the weather but you certainly control what time you leave, what route you take and what you do with your time when you are stuck in traffic.

You create your reality. You become what you think about it. Need I break out the Emerson line right now?

"A man is what he thinks he is, all day."

So keep your ears out and catch yourself speaking in terms of absolutes. Challenge it in the moment. Do it for yourself and once you got a solid handle on it, share this wisdom and put others in check too. Just plant the little seed in their head and make sure to practice what you preach.

Talking about this with others holds you even more accountable to put your money where your mouth is.

Will you let "Always" and "Never" get the better of you or will you choose how you use these words...

• "I always find a kick ass parking spot!"
• "I never get upset when I'm in traffic"
• "I always seem to find a solution"
• "I never get sick"
• "I always get the girl"

It's your life and your attitude.  How will you always live it?