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Anxiety and Marriage

Updated on September 6, 2019

My personal story:

I was always a happy and fun person to be around. I was never affected by anxiety and if I was, it was not full blown. When I joined the military, there were triggers. There are incidents and situations that heightened my anxiety and since then, I could not get it under control. As soon as I had a hold on it, my husband walked into my life.

We met right after I had hunkered down on my generalize anxiety. After meeting my husband, we knew it was a forever kind of thing. We found out we were having a baby and got married all in the same year. After becoming pregnant, my anxiety was triggered by my hormones. Eight months or so after having my daughter, I medically retired from the military. Although our daughter is two and a half years old now, I still struggle more now than ever.

My husband met me when I was just becoming myself again. He married me when I was "what I felt like was myself again," and today being almost three years ago, he has seen me at my worst. He still loves me, supports me, has even come to therapy sessions with me to understand how to help me cope with my anxiety, and gives me daily breaks from parenting while I am home. I am a stay at home mother who works part time and just earned my degree. He is in the military so he works 48-72 hours at a time.

While I feel like my anxiety negatively affects my marriage, it has positively affected it as well.

When you think you are alone:

  • You are not alone.

  • You are not the only couple to be going through this.

  • It is normal for one or both spouses in a partnership to experience anxiety.

Besides the insane amount of love in a marriage, it can also be:

  • Overwhelming.
  • Frustrating.
  • Unwanted compromises.
  • Overthinking.

It is more than okay to:

  • Take a break from each other.
  • Go grocery shopping alone.
  • Go walk around the mall or your favorite store.
  • Go have a cup of coffee at Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, etc.
  • Go out with your friends for a couple hours.
  • Have a girls/guys night.

How often do you take "you" time?

See results

Anxiety can help a marriage in these ways:

  • Being more open and honest than most.
  • Not afraid to talk about your feelings and thoughts.
  • Attention to detail and focus on partners feelings.
  • More aware of your feelings and those around you.
  • In some cases, for example mine, it has brought my husband and I closer.

“Fear is not always a bad thing. Anxiety is married to creativity. If you don't feel that little bit of fear now and again then you're not really moving forward."

— Jacqui Oakley

© 2018 Dana Abbott


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