ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Dealing With Addiction

Updated on October 2, 2013

At First

"It is hard to understand addiction unless you have experienced it."
Ken Hensley

It begins so innocently. A couple beers, an experimental snort of coke, a binge at the banquet, a pain pill, a seven come eleven at the craps table, a little too much money spent on shopping…what harm can there be? We needed some comfort and found it in a little excess for a night. Anything to ease the pain, stop the voices, calm the nerves, stave off the feelings and numb us down for a few hours.

And it worked! A new friend had been found, one who understood that which bothered us; one who made no demands and simply sought to give relief where none had been previously. The friendship was a tentative one at first. We visited infrequently, always bringing a little gift, a smile, a warm feeling of comradeship, but never overstaying our welcome. Each time we were greeted warmly and made to feel wonderful. The laughter was joyful; the bond grew and the strength of one fed the strength of another, and it was a wondrous coalition with unlimited possibilities.

I did not grow up hoping to be addicted
I did not grow up hoping to be addicted | Source

The Friendship Grew

If a little is good then a lot must be better, right? Who in their right mind would want to surrender the warm feelings of such a friendship? We found freedom being with our new friend. We found courage and fulfillment, and the more we partook in the friendship the more we derived from it.

Oh sure, there were occasional glimpses of a dark side, but that’s all they were, just glimpses. Our new friend would never harm us. Friends do not harm friends, and with that reassurance we continued to strengthen the bond. One weekly visit became one nightly visit, and then there were the stay-overs and we binged on this new partnership.

Some of our old friends complained. We were spending too much time with our new pal and forgetting those who came before, and we suspected jealousy played a huge part in this, and if the old friends could just experience the elation that we experience in this new friend, they would surely understand.

But they wanted none of that, and the jealousies grew and then resentment followed, and after awhile we found that life was just easier to live if the old was tossed out and the new embraced. So we cut ties with those who would jeopardize our new union, and we guarded this new lifestyle with gusto, always vigilant against threats, imagined and real.

Just about the time my problems with addiction began
Just about the time my problems with addiction began | Source

Let's talk about alcoholism

Dark Clouds Form on the Horizon

Those occasional glimpses of a dark side slowly increased. Perhaps our new friend did not have our best interests at heart after all. Perhaps there was an ulterior motive that we were not aware of. Perhaps our best friend meant….heaven forbid….to harm us.

Obsession and dependence became the watchwords as this strange partnership grew. You can’t make it without me you bitch. Don’t even try to leave me you bastard. I own your heart, mind and soul and always will. Come on over here baby and I’ll make you feel so good. Come on over here and wrap your hands around my bottle. Sink your teeth into ten thousand more calories and place another bet as if your life depended on it because you see, it does.

From want to need it goes, and the need hurts bad, and when the supplier is absent the sweats begin, followed by the chills, and a feeling of emptiness that far surpasses any felt before overtakes us, and then we come to realize that our new best friend, the new kid in town, has never had our welfare at heart and has always sought one thing….complete control over its hapless victims.

Can’t make it through the night; gotta have it or die. Feed me…feed me….feed me….but one is too many and a thousand not enough, and the obsession is overwhelming and tears flow and bodies weaken and all else, everything you once held dear, falls by the wayside, swallowed up by the need.

And your old friends and loved ones look on sadly, and they shake their heads, and they whisper behind your back and hope their prayers will be answered, that somehow, some way, a miracle will happen and the man or woman they once knew makes their way back to reality.

This guy is so good

The point when I decided to cut ties before it killed me
The point when I decided to cut ties before it killed me | Source

Cut Ties or Die

And so it comes down, eventually, to those two ends of the choice spectrum. Either get rid of the best friend, the lover, the supplier of life, or die in his arms. Institutions or death await if you make the wrong choice; a chance at redemption and happiness if you choose wisely.

But how does one give up the love of their life? How does one give up security, protection and the illusion of normalcy? The fear is oppressive as you consider this option, and experimentally you give it a try, a day here, a week there, but always you come running back to your lover, knowing you can never leave him and asking for forgiveness from the one who would kill you in the blink of an eye.

So you try and you fail; try and fail; the madness continues and the spirit is weak, and for many “flight or die” is not an option at all but a sad commentary on futility….and yes, they do die, and their former friends and family weep, and another statistic is added to the ledger, and your best friend goes in search of a new ally.

Still some make it. Some walk away, awash in shame and remorse and fear and self-loathing, but walk away they do. And they reach out a hand for help and that hand is grasped by others who have fought the same battles, and a stronger bond is formed, and life, oh sweet life, is returned.

Do you have an addictive personality

See results

And so It Goes

"No one is immune from addiction; it afflicts people of all ages, races, classes, and professions."
Patrick J. Kennedy

Daily, around the world, new friendships are formed…some healthy…some deadly. What harm can there be? We all need an escape, right? We all need a respite from the madness in this world, and we all need to feel special and loved.

So it was for me and so it will be for millions today, and tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after that. Some, like me, will make it….and some will die.

And so it goes!

2013 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

“Helping writers to spread their wings and fly.”

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Glimmer, too much of my life was a lie and hiding...no longer. This is who I was....and am....and if it helps someone to understand then great. Knowledge shared is valuable knowledge. :) Thank you for your kind words.

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      I'm always amazed at that "in your face" honesty of your hubs and this is definitely one of those. I don't have an addictive personality, so I can only imagine what addicts go thru day to day. I hope your article gives inspiration to lots of people out there.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Smyls, thank you so much and congratulations on your ongoing recovery. Blessings to you, and if you ever need someone to talk to....I'll be around.

    • Smyls profile image

      Beth Burgess 4 years ago from London

      Congratulations on overcoming your addiction. I'm an alcoholic and finding recovery was the hardest thing I ever did in my life - although also the most rewarding. Your story gives hope to other people out there. Thank you for sharing.

    • Lisawilliamsj profile image

      Lisa Williams 4 years ago

      Billy, this was as usual, beautiful and well written. unfortunately my old and new friends agree that due to who I am ...sometimes my addictions make me an easier person to talk to...Without them I am a hot mess who worries all the time about nothing.... I do understand your message and one day hope to change who I am. Thanks for this!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you drbj; your admiration means a great deal to me my friend.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Just wanted you to know, Bill, that I admire not only your writing skills but your compassion and your strength. More power to you, my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, that is my prayer as well....just one somewhere down the road....then it would all be worth it.

      Thank you my friend. Sending you extra blessings and hugs this weekend.

      bill

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 4 years ago from United States

      I am so glad you can talk about all the aspects of addiciton as only an addict can do. I have seen people I love that didn't ever get sober and ultimately died. I've known others who managed to find sobriety and built whole new lives just as you have done. This is a great service you are doing as it just might help one more person find sobriety. God bless you Bill.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      O so sadly sometimes this best friend takes them to the grave long before their time. A precious family member could not give up her love for coke and it claimed her six years ago.

      She was whisked into its arms and they would not let go of her.

      This is a most heartfelt submission of yours, dear friend, Bill.

      My prayer is that you reach one, more than one would be great, but for one life to turn around because they read this would be awesome!!!

      Many Angels are on the way to you ps

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michael my friend, it has been a struggle at times....a struggle for survival as well, as I seemed to be focused on killing myself slowly. Those days are a distant memory now but I never forget them. They are a constant reminder of how far I fell at one time and how far I can fall again if I do not pay attention to what is important in life.

      Thank you so much Michael. I hope your weekend is a wonderful one.

      blessings always

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      It really is amazing Michele. That is exactly what I found in AA....love that I did not have for myself...they tell you that they will love you until you can love yourself...and that is a beautiful thing. :) Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      True words Deb! Now that I have found my personal Nirvana I'm not giving it up....no way!

      Thank you my writing friend. You are appreciated.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      What is stronger? Love for a fleeting moment, or love for much longer for something tangible? Hard choices to make, but you did it. We all need help once in a while. No man is an island, and if we all realize that, life just might be a little easier.

    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 4 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      Hello Bill,

      Another wonderful hub.

      When people are addicted ( drugs, alcohol, etc) they feel so alone. It is until they find others who are like them, that is when they can get help and not feel alone. When they can start to fight. People without an addiction really do not understand.

      The most amazing thing is that groups that help a person with an addiction have love. people can find love in the rooms.

      Isn't that amazing?

      Great hub.

    • Michael-Milec profile image

      Michael-Milec 4 years ago

      Hello billybuc, my victorious friend.

      Congratulations on your deliverance and choice to live. First hand experience shared here exposes the most comprehensive description of spiritual force dominating human beings when invited in. Abviously, not much effort takes to be addicted. . . I gues. Never had time, opportunity nor money to get into addiction habit what so ever. Little I know about is by listening to and reding of, with limited interest for some reason. My whole life was quite preoccupied with basic nesseities to survive. Now I'm grateful to the unexplainable event happen to me at early youth ,and has stayed close ,always guarding me safe before any bondage could take controll...

      Oh, how I wish that millions could read this hub and follow your example!

      Thank you Bill for examplary hope to all desiring freedom from "strong grasp of heart, mind and soul..." -

      Voted up, awesome and helpful.

      Have a blessed and peaceful weekend .

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      vkwok, it is truly one of the world's most serious issues....not sure we can stop it but we have to at least raise awareness about it. Thanks!

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 4 years ago from Hawaii

      Bravo, bill, in bringing up one of the world's most serious issues.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      lyric, thank you my friend, for your kind words and for sharing your story. Raising awareness is a big step; others might see that you and I have found happiness so it is possible....at least that's my hope.

      I appreciate your message!

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ginger, thank you so much! It is not easy beating an addiction but it can be done....if I can do it then anyone can.

      Have a wonderful weekend and know that you are appreciated.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Faith, it is a living death for those addicted, and the ultimate cause of worry and frustration for loved ones of the addict. We can only hope that more find the happiness I found and save their lives while they still can.

      blessings and thanks always

      bill

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 4 years ago from West Virginia

      Bill, it takes courage to write about your addiction, drugs, alcohol, gambling, ect. So many people are quick to judge addicts. Yes, rightfully so, but until you walk those same shoes, you'll never understand. Your absolutely right, it's like a best friend. He never judges, makes you feel special, makes you feel like number 1. And in the end, it gets to the point that you have to have it to wake up and get going. I was an addict myself, oxycontin. It nearly killed me and it took losing everything before I finally woke up. Touching story and I'm proud of you, sincerely Bill. You're a hell of a writer and you're happy. In conclusion, that's all one could ask. Voted up, useful, beautiful, and interesting. Shared on Twitter also.

    • ExpectGreatThings profile image

      ExpectGreatThings 4 years ago from Illinois

      I, for one, am very glad you chose life :) - and I imagine that you have to make that choice daily. Hopefully it gets easier to make that choice over time. My addictions may not be as deadly as some, but your hub's reference to the "friend" really hits home. I appreciate your honesty and admire your ability to paint an accurate picture of how enslaving addictions really are.

      Loved this: Institutions or death await if you make the wrong choice; a chance at redemption and happiness if you choose wisely.

      Ginger

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Thank you, Bill, for painting the true picture of the terrible disease of addiction and I am so thankful you have cut the ties to that demon!!! Now, you are here!

      Addiction runs in my family, as you may have read. It is the saddest thing ever to watch addiction take its toll on human life, and you are right, there are some who do not make it.

      Addiction changes one's brain and one is not even the same person one is meant to be when the addiction takes over. I know of a mother who said of her daughter, "Who is that person in the kitchen ... that is NOT my daughter!" She knew her daughter, but he addiction changed her daughter into someone her very own mother did not know.

      Up and more and sharing

      God bless you,

      Faith Reaper

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      That is my hope, Bill, as well as a selfish one....I never want to go back to that life. :) Thanks buddy!

    • bdegiulio profile image

      Bill De Giulio 4 years ago from Massachusetts

      Bill, I am so glad that you had the strength to overcome your addictions. The world is a better place with you in it. Hopefully your message reaches someone out there and encourages them to face their own demons.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      fivesenses, thanks for the visit....it's good to hear that the father of your child is almost cured although in truth, I'm not sure what "almost cured" means.....I may never drink again but I will never be free of alcoholism....one drink twenty years from now will start the nightmare all over again for me.

    • fivesenses profile image

      Leena 4 years ago from new delhi

      Impressive hub...glad you are a survivor

      The father of my child had a terrible alcohol addiction which made him incapable of concentrating on anything other than alcohol...though he's almost cured now thankfully...so I know its not easy.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Rosemay. If this helps someone then I am one happy alcoholic. :)

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Your honesty is to be applauded Bill. It is people like you who have faught and survived who are there and more able to understand and to help others to fight their way back to life. Makes me realise how lucky I am to have never felt the need to travel those roads.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      DJ....thank you! I was speechless after your comment. I'm just giving back in the best way I know how. I want others to experience the freedom to enjoy life like I have. Oh if it were that easy. :)

      Thank you kind lady...very much!

      bill

    • profile image

      DJ Anderson 4 years ago

      You have an amazing insight into the human spirit.

      To personify alcohol as a friend or lover is absolutely brilliant!

      It helps one to understand how an addiction gets it's hooks in and

      before long, a person is dependent on the substance.

      It seems that if one has an addictive personality, they go from one addiction to another. So many families fall victim to addictions and

      it is the children who suffer the most.

      Bill, you have battled your demons and have lived to find a new life.

      You are one of the few who knows what it feels like.

      Bravo to you, a man who saved his own life and is now, reaching out to help others.

      Writing has given you a platform to reach many. We respect you as a

      gifted writer and we listen because you make good sense.

      A sincere 'thank you' for all that you say and do.

      DJ.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Marlene! Addiction spends far too much time in a closet not being talked about; hopefully by shedding light on it we can help someone out there.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dianna, that is my hope as well. Thank you for your compassion and understanding. You are appreciated.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      writingowl, the addiction becomes a lover, and we do everything in our power to protect that lover...including killing ourselves. There are too many people dying out there who could be saved if only they wanted it.

      Thank you for your thoughts on this.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, an addiction is an addiction is an addiction. They come with different names but they are all the same. Good luck with your smoking and thank you so much for your kind words and friendship.

      blessings to you my friend

      bill

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 4 years ago from Northern California, USA

      "The love of their life." What a profound way to describe addiction. Yet, that's exactly what addiction is. Painting a picture of the struggles that go along with addiction helps the addicted as well as those around the addicted. I give you big applause for continuing to bring light to the addictive "lifestyle".

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      Your words are powerful here, Bill. I could feel the emotional turmoil one suffers in trying to change. Thanks for sharing this part of your past and hope it helps someone out there today.

    • thewritingowl profile image

      Mary Kelly Godley 4 years ago from Ireland

      Great Hub. We all have our crutches but as you say often it takes over and you cannot imagine life without it. I love the way you describe addiction as starting off as a friend but then you start to see the darker side. Also how we convince ourselves those who try to point the problems out to us don't understand and must be dropped. Voted up.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      Addictions, some take it seriously some don't. Those who take it more seriously have dealt with it in one way or another. You don't paint a pretty picture Bill and that's good, its not pretty. I have an addictive personality and know it because of my smoking. I stay away from other stuff out of fear...fear of my addiction. Right now I'm trying to quite smoking (again) and have a tiny inkling of what you went through...I know very tiny, but it gives me a compassion and understanding.

      God bless. Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Dahlia! It is such an important subject because so many people are fighting addiction...hopefully this will help someone. :)

      hugs and blessings coming your way

      bill

    • livingsta profile image

      livingsta 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      I am totally with you on this Bill. Addictions can be most of the time deadly and it is scary to even think about it. Thank you for sharing this hub reflecting on a very important issue.

      Have a good day my friend.

      Smiles and blessing to you :-)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Without a doubt, Carol, those who love the addicted have a crappy job. Thanks for your perspective on it.

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Addictions come in so many forms---and I know many people with shopping, eating, drinking etc. The shopping one probably just hurts to pocketbook, the eating causes fat and the drinking is the most dangerous..not to mention gambling. It is so easy to fall prey to all of these so called attractive vices as each has a reward....It is hard to be the one in waiting when the other is addicting their vice.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Crystal. That means a lot to me. :)

    • Crystal Tatum profile image

      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Beautiful Bill - One of your best, for sure.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eddy, you said it perfectly: we have found our voice and we recognize our legacy....I love that line and I love your spirit. Thank you so much. I'm just going to keep reaching out to people and trying to bring some beauty and knowledge and understanding into this world....and you will do the same through your poetry, and when it is all done we will have accomplished a great deal. :)

      love,

      billy

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Oh yes my dear friend ;your honesty has to be applauded and your fight leads to inspirations for so many others who are reading this true life account.

      No one can say "Oh what does he know??"

      Because you do know and I know that to win a fight is oh so treasured and to share this with others is oh so precious.

      Wonderful read and please keep them coming !!!

      I feel we share so much in life and we both have found our writer's voice ;we both recognise our legacy and we have both come out winners.

      I vote up and share onto A Brand New Dawn.

      Take care my friend and here's lots of love from my little corner of Wales.

      Eddy.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Made and that's how I feel too...my work is not done and there are a great many things I still want to accomplish. I've been given a second chance and I don't want to waste it.

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      There are so many things you can addicted to in this world today. Some are only children when they get addicted to alcohol. It's so sad. Bill, I'm glad you returned. You still have so many things to teach the world.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you for sharing your story, Sha. It is so important for those who are still battling addiction to hear that some actually win the battle and lead normal lives....thank you!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Bill, I did coke from 1976 - 1987. It started out as social use. The thing about coke is you have to keep doing it to maintain the high. Before long I was addicted. I chose friends who did or sold coke. I'd stay up until 6:00 am doing coke and drinking Vodka. After several years of this behavior I started choosing coke over a job. I'd call in sick and even got fired from one job because I was out more than I showed up. Finally, a friend offered to take me to NA. At this point I still didn't see that I had a problem, but my friend cared enough to take me by the hand. I only attended one meeting but my friend's concern made me think about what I was doing. I knew I had to stop or I'd die. But I couldn't stop if I continued hanging with the people I preferred. I saved myself by moving over 300 miles away from temptation. That was the summer of 1987 and I've never looked back. I'm drug free and will never, ever touch Vodka or coke again.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      sherrituck, thank you so much. In a very real sense, the addiction becomes a living, breathing entity....and the addict can't imagine living without it. I think it helps to look at it that way.

    • sherrituck profile image

      Sherri Tuck 4 years ago from Virginia

      I like the way that you personify addiction. To the outsider, the addict seems to suffer alone. To the addict, he or she has found a new partnership. Another well written piece.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Joe my friend, I'm just giving freely that which is not mine....someone gave me the gift of sobriety and now I share it....and hopefully it helps someone down the road. Thank you for your kind words....are you heading home today? I hope your time in Florida was exceptional.

      aloha

      bill

    • hawaiianodysseus profile image

      Hawaiian Odysseus 4 years ago from Southeast Washington state

      Bill, congratulations on another blockbuster hub! You touch lives with your writing and your courage to share, and I am very happy, proud, and fulfilled to be one of those dear lives that have been moved in such a profound way.

      Aloha and blessings to you this Thursday morning, my friend. Thank you so very much for filling the void (once inhabited by destructive addictions) with benevolent and philanthropic endeavors.

      Keep on rockin' and rollin', fellow Baby Boomer!

      ~Joe

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eric, every day that I go to bed having won my own personal battle is a good day. Today it starts all over again, but I'm rested and strong and ready to take it on. Thank you, buddy! It is an honor to know you.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, that is so sweet. Thank you very much. As long as I keep up the good fight my life will continue to be wonderful. :)

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Me, I kick my addictions every time until I relapse. And those monsters come back with a vengeance tougher than before. But I find that if I never cut ties with my good new friends and hold on tight to ropes that bind me with family and old friends. And do all the hard work of staying healthy I can see from afar that demon that tricked me into thinking he was my friend. And sometimes that war is fought like each day is a battle and if I win it. It is a good day.

      Beautiful my friend simply beautifully done.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Thank you Bill for always being so honest about your dealings with addiction and once again I am so happy that you were able to fight and win the battle, because you really are a wonderful person who I am just so glad to have gotten to know and call my friend. Enjoy the day now!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Liz, there are tens of millions like me; some not so lucky. I am a survivor and I love life now, but there was a twenty year period when I just wanted to die....and I almost got my wish. :) Thank you for your compassion....it means a great deal to me.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Brandi, fascinating story of yours....I am very happy that you had that experience with your father....hold onto that lesson and never forget it. Once the monster has hold of you it's real hard to shake him.

      Thank you my friend!

    • epbooks profile image

      Elizabeth Parker 4 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Bill - such a powerful message here. I'm so glad that you fought hard to get where you are today. I know it must have been very difficult without a doubt. I think it's so easy to have an addictive personality and we might all possibly have one. The "friends" that you mentioned just have to get us when we are at a low and our most vulnerable state... and that's the best time for them to sink their teeth in and take us for a ride that continually rolls downhill. You climbed your way back up though, and that isn't to be taken lightly. Kudos to you and may you reach all of your hopes and dreams. It sounds like you are on your way. Have a wonderful day, Bill and thanks for sharing this.

      ~Liz

    • CraftytotheCore profile image

      CraftytotheCore 4 years ago

      Yes, I totally have an addictive personality. But it wasn't until I did skip tracing and found my bio father that I realized why. His mug shot, having been arrested from public intoxication, said it all. I have his eyes.

      I had to come to terms with the fact that it would be possible for me to become addicted to things which would ultimately cause me harm. I used my father as an example and for that, I am thankful to him. Never having met him, he led me to the right path.