Behind the Smiles and Laughter... Descriptive.
The night, cold and chilling, it holds no feeling of a warmth to come. The breeze, sweeping across the porch like an unseen creature, bites at my face. It tears pieces of soul from me and leaves me bleeding inside. The snow, once like tiny diamonds sparkling across the yard, now looks cold and hard. The ground, hard and covered in brown, dead grass, no longer gives promise of a warmth to come. The moon, just yesterday, beautiful and full, now shines it's light down on bare trees.
When you see the world through eyes of the depressed, it doesn't look the same. What once held beauty and promise, holds only darkness and a coldness called "Alone in a Crowd." The trees, empty of their leaves, once stood tall in the moonlight, appearing to be huge sentry's standing outside the house. They were there to guard over me and my family yet now, with the emptiness that is mine, they are but petrified memories of a time when smiles were plentiful and real. The nests that are home to squirrels, used to bring thoughts of the warmth they gave to their inhabitants. The leaves, rolled neatly in to a ball with a single entrance, tiny puffs of smoke coming from them, the breath of little creatures, now... are simply leaves.
Springtime, a time that holds the promise of sunshine and rain, now has a new look. No longer is it a time for life giving rains and sunshine, enough to change the winters dinge to every color imaginable, vibrant and alive. Through these eyes, I see rain and wet and downpours and trapped inside. No longer does tomorrow look like a new day. It is simply a carry-over from the day before.
Seasons have come and gone and life has moved on, Each season held a new beginning, a brighter tomorrow. To stand outside and breathe in the freshness of cut grass and rain was something exciting. Now, it is only wet grass. The seasons are one with my life and they do just as some in my world have done. Without warning, silent as the night, they have gone. There is no goodbye nor is there a chance to say All you wish you had said a thousand times. In the blink of an eye... but no, it wasn't a blink. It was a life-time. What is to become of the seasons?
Depression comes in many shapes and forms. It effects each individual differently. the triggers are not always the same for each person. I write this so that you can see through the eyes of depression, perhaps to help you understand. Maybe, just to show you a world that DOES exists for so many. But then again, I may have written this to say that in my world, goodbye has never existed. Smiling one day at the beauty that is Autumn. It's hues of green and orange and red and yellow making everything around look brilliant... the very next moment, cold and ice steal away that beauty. Alone in a crowd, blessed with more love than any man deserves and hollow and incomplete sets the stage for the next season.
Today, I will smile because the world expects me too. I will take the smiles and laughter and give them to those that love me. I will walk in a place I can dwell in for only a time, and then I will go back to my world.
The tomorrows are just days that have not yet been tainted by sadness. In absence and silence, you strip me of a dream I have yet to wake from. In quietness, I am left with out clothing. All is not right with the world I live in. To know true peace...I have no answer...
