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Brutal loneliness hit me today!

Updated on March 3, 2015
CrisSp profile image

CrisSp is your Emergency Specialist at 37 Thousand feet. A writer without a niche. Surely, wonderwoman consumed by wonderlust!

I hear the whisper of your leaves as I walk down the street.
I hear the whisper of your leaves as I walk down the street. | Source
hiraeth-(noun) A homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.
hiraeth-(noun) A homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past. | Source
I pray for hope and strength, the courage to carry on.~
I pray for hope and strength, the courage to carry on.~ | Source

Not a day goes by without thinking of you

And of the love we once shared

The happy moments that I cherish

Would surely lift my spirit high.


But today there is extreme pain

And I can’t fight the emptiness

This is brutal loneliness

It hits like a bullet of a 45 caliber.


It’s not easy to cast away

That beautiful face of yours

The smile that brightens my everyday

That neither wind nor fog could take away.


I wrestle with the past for your love

At times it is dark and hollow

Unspeakable words finding its way

For the love that is entrapped in my heart.


Here I sit void of emotional anchor

Waiting for your return and what will follow

Would there be another chance

For togetherness once more?


I think of you and well up in tears,

I pray for hope and strength

The courage to carry on

To understand and accept thy will.


I do not wish to be stuck in the past

But tonight my love I’ll embrace

The thoughts of you in my sleep

And in my dream my love I’ll find you.

Day dreams and fantasies in this log cabin at the foot of the mountain.
Day dreams and fantasies in this log cabin at the foot of the mountain. | Source

Words to ponder:

"Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.” ~Rumi

Did you know?

Research suggests that loneliness is twice as deadly as obesity.

How do you grieve?

Grief is associated not only with the death of a loved one but in any loss such as relationship breakup (divorce, sibling breakup, mother-daughter/son breakup), loss of a friendship, loss of health, losing a job or of financial stability, death of a pet, loss of a cherished dream, illness in the family, selling the family home (property) or even retiring from the career you loved or any other type of losses or negative life changes. It is something personal and how you grieve depends on many factors.

Grieving
Grieving

How do you grieve? Do you cry or simply ignore the feeling? Please share your thoughts in the comment box below and if you're a guest user, don't worry you don't need to sign up. Just type in your comments and hit submit. I'd love to hear from you.

Last note:

Healing is necessary to face your grief and deal with it. Ignoring your pain or keeping it from surfacing will not help and will only make it worse as time goes by. So, don't hide it. Be brave. Face it!

“Behind sorrow, there is always a soul. And to mock at a soul in pain is a dreadful thing.” - Oscar Wilde

Tell Me

How do you grieve?

See results

Copyright@CrisSp-TM/09-2014~ Read me: "The heart of my soul speaks to the soul of my heart by writing." ~

© 2014 CrisSp

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    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Sad but beautiful hub/poem Cris. So glad you are active again on Hub Pages. We all experience grief and deal with it in different ways, and that depends on the particular situation as well. For this reason I checked "all of the above" in your poll. Mostly, I may write about it and this helps me deal with it and move on. If it's the loss of a love one or pet or a break-up I would also tend to shed a tear or two. Loved this, much food for thought. Voted up.

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 2 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Grief and loneliness. 2 very familiar feelings. You wrote about it so eloquently! Thank you Cris! I got all its well in your world! Xoxo

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Truly sad, Cris. I wish I had the answers. I write about it....talk about it...and I never, ever isolate. :) Sending hugs your way.

      bill

    • janetwrites profile image

      Janet Giessl 2 years ago from Georgia country

      A very beautiful yet sad poem. When I experience grief, I really let out my feelings and cry all the time.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Cris, a good cry helps me when I grieve. I let it come whenever it creeps into my heart and let it out as often as necessary. Eventually acceptance takes over and I move on.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 2 years ago from West By God

      Oh My you do seem to have things out there in the right time. At least for me that is. I had a very hard day yesterday with my grief at the loss of my dad. It has not been that long ago...the end on May this year and so am working through the grief process. I had to lay down and take a nap and try to get my heart to stop. Someone was talking to me about the hubs that I am writing of the loss of my dad and what my mother and other family members have put me through and it just brought up all the pain again from that well of grief. Most times I push it away or not deal with it at all. That does not mean that I do not cry or have outbursts of sorrow and that is where the nap came in and I had a very emotional dream. I cannot remember all of it but I do remember crying really hard in it because I was saying goodbye to my father yet again. Writing is a good outlet for me and I voted that I do all of them on your poll. I sure wish the pain would go away soon. Not that I do not love my dad, but these things come in spurts and I cannot control them when they do come.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 2 years ago from North Carolina

      Such an eloquent write. You do not only capture the emotions in words but in tone and pace. I do my best to do all of the things on your list, and I wish I could say like Bill, I never isolate. There was a time when all I could do was cry. I do know that walking my dog helps.

      Lots of Love,

      Kim

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Oh, loneliness is exactly that, so brutal dear Cris. I am so sorry you are going through such loneliness and please do not isolate yourself but just for a short time, as it can truly be devastating to one's overall health. Healing over loss takes a great amount of time, but we must still persevere each day, as there is hope in each day. It does not take away the pain of such great loss though. I try to focus on at least one beautiful thing in this world each day and do a lot of praying. It does seem to help.

      I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, precious heart. Love from the sky ... I am sending as you always do.

      (((Hugs)))

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Time and friends who are there when you want them and understand when you need space...but most all things mend a lot if they don't completely heal. Sometimes we don't even want them to and I think that is normal enough too. Pain of love shows we are still alive and have a heart.

      You do have many friends here. ^+

    • word55 profile image

      Word 2 years ago from Chicago

      Wonderfully, sad poem. but CrisSp, the best of love is ahead of you. Heartbreak is something that must come to pass in order to reach that mature, subtle and lasting love. Thanks for sharing!

    • SANJAY LAKHANPAL profile image

      Sanjay Sharma 2 years ago from Mandi (HP) India

      "The happy moments that I cherish

      Would surely lift my spirit high".

      These lines remind me of the famous lines of Wordsworth in Daffodils,

      "For oft, when on my couch I lie

      In vacant or in pensive mood,

      They flash upon that inward eye

      Which is the bliss of solitude;

      And then my heart with pleasure fills,

      And dances with the daffodils".

      This is the key to grieve.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      It is hard and I talk about it or write about depending on the situation. I try to be with people.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Jodah: Thank you for the vote and your kind words; most specially for your presence in this page.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      btrbell: No, thank you Randi. I know I'm not alone but I just have to express it. Always good to see that smiling face on HP.

      Love from the sky~

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      billybuc: Hello and thank you. Taking all the hugs...

      Love from the sky~

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      janetwrites: Thank you. Crying actually helps and while it makes us look ugly, it makes us feel better right after. :)

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      bravewarrior: Sha, you're right...marching forward! Thank you.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Lady Guinevere: I'm so sorry about your loss. I understand how you feel and sometimes maybe even the word "understand" is not enough to comfort us and those who're in the same experience. But, such is life...thank you for sharing your own experience. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone and this is why writing about it helps. More often, I don't think about it by keeping myself occupied but my heart is too fragile to completely forget the pain. Thank you. I've learned something from your comments, I'll nap it out and maybe talk to my plants! *smile* Feel better now.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      ocfireflies: I do too specially cry in my closet until my eyes get tired and droopy. I don't have a dog, so I'll talk to my plants instead. Thank you for the love and support Kim. I truly appreciate it.

      Love from the sky~

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

      Sometimes you just have to submerge yourself in the pain to get to the other side. I always find that writing about it helps.

    • Lisa Luv profile image

      Lisa J Warner 2 years ago from Conneticut, USA

      Excellent......Sending mega light to you....as I vote this up and share...

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 2 years ago from Reno NV

      What a gift you have created to all those in greif. Jamie

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

      A beautiful, sad poem, Crissp.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 2 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Chris... As I read your words emotions of the past and memories of the losses I have seen and had in life come to mind. Then thoughts of how can I help you and maybe this less of a burden. No matter the situation of your loss I would suggest you take the better times, the fond memories and tuck them away in your heart and hold them dear. Writing as you do from the heart is an excellent healing in itself...

      Hugs, love and many blessings

    • travel_man1971 profile image

      Ireno Alcala 2 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      Mix emotions. During the death of my loved ones, I cried shamelessly. That was my father whom I became friend duringhis latter days.During break-up, I drink liquor with my friends, hahaha! Being frustrated due to a long wait for my next assignment as sailor, I drink coffee and strum guitar and holler bits'n'pieces of 'earworm'songs. Being lonely and alone....hmmmn I sleep. It's still nice to have beautiful dreams amid such loneliness.

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 2 years ago from India

      Pangs of separation are severe and unbearable but imprints of sweet moments spent together are forever etched in our minds and souls. These give us mental strength to move on with our lives. I find writing as the best medium to express our feelings of loneliness. Chris, this is a very well crafted poem and an honest pouring of emotions. Voted up.

    • Writer Fox profile image

      Writer Fox 2 years ago from the wadi near the little river

      "Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

      Poetry always helps me, especially when it was written by King David.

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Faith: Thank you for your gracing this page. It is what it is at times but it only gets better with faith and prayers--it does help. Thank you so much for all your support and thoughtful words.

      Love from the sky~

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Jackie: I like what you said..."Pain of love shows we are still alive and have a heart". Thank you my friend and may you have a beautiful Sunday.

      Love from the sky~

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      word55: Thank you. My pleasure to share the gift of words through writing.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Sanjay: I like those lines very much. Thank you.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      DDE: Thank you. I agree with you, at times it is hard to write about it as it brings back memories much harder to speak. Unlike you though, I tend to isolate myself and eventually come out when I'm ready again. Peace~

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Catherine: This is an excerpt from one of my hubs (Wounds of the Past, Heal Now I say),

      "Gather my strength to open you up again.

      Stick my hands inside and pull you out the core of pain

      Let it bleed, let it ooze and then finally close." ~

      Like what you said, "submerge" and then get out.

      Writing is effective indeed and a lot better when somebody reads it. So, thank you for reading and commenting. It is very much appreciated.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Thank you Lisa.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      jhamann: Pleasure to share and as always, grateful to see you in this page.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      vkwok: Aloha and thank you.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Rolly: Greetings from the other side of Canada! Pleased to see you here. Your words of wisdom never fails to lift a soul. Thank you.

      Love from the sky~

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      travel_man1971: I like the idea of strumming a guitar but I don't have a guitar and I don't know how to strum. So, I guess, I'd soothe myself with some sleep instead. Thank you for your most engaging comments.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Harishprasad: I like what you've written. I'll bear it in mind...."imprints of sweet moments spent together are forever etched in our minds and souls". Thank you for your kind words.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Writer Fox: Thank you. That's very uplifting. I'm hanging in there until the morning comes and the sun shines again. And indeed, poetry helps. Amen.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

      Beautiful but sad poem Cris, I always cry my eyes out and then try to move on, but its not easy, sending you a huge hug, nell

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Nell Rose: Thank you. It comes once in a while but "happy" wins more often. Taking all the English hugs and sending you back some love from the sky.

    • m abdullah javed profile image

      muhammad abdullah javed 2 years ago

      Intense emotive feelings that make me realise the pain of loneliness, sad indeed. Kudos to you Cris for making a very brave comeback. Wishing you a wonderful future as high as sky and as bright as glittering stars. Come on move on.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      m abdullah javed : Thank you.

    • frogyfish profile image

      frogyfish 2 years ago from Central United States of America

      Your intense poetry spoke so realistically, yet the escape to your dream - and finding your love there - is almost enough to assuage the pain. Then of course the dream ends... And eventually that pain is healed, allowing new loves to also come.

      A beautiful sadness expressed here.

      I did have to vote "All the above." But I don't cry or talk as much as the remaining others. Interesting to read the comments on this also.

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      frogyfish: Thank you for your most engaging comments and for taking the time to vote in the poll. See you in the next hub stop.

    • travel_man1971 profile image

      Ireno Alcala 2 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      I still grieve about the death of my father and my brother, too. From time to time, I still recall those moments when they were still alive.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      travel_man1971: Thank you. I appreciate your feedback.

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Your writing about loneliness is beyond powerful. One can actually feel it while reading it. You do an amazing job of getting at the core of an emotion and expressing it. The pain is so real. I like the summary at the end explaining how grief is not just about death, but about loss, all types of loss. You are spot on about that. My clients who are going through divorce don't understand the grief aspect of divorce. I have to break it down for them. Regarding the poll, I do 'all of the above' except ignore it. Excellent work, as usual, CrisSp. Voted up, useful, awesome, and beautiful. Also shared because I know it will touch and validate someone else's loneliness.

    • chateaudumer profile image

      David B Katague 2 years ago from Northern California and the Philippines

      Another excellent hub that justify my inclusion of you in my recent hub about my favorite hubbers. Have a Great day!

    • Tina Asalina profile image

      Asalina 2 years ago from Alabama

      Absolutely, I feel this way about my mom and stepfather. Just when I think Im good with their home going, little things take me back to the day I lost them here on earth. Some days worsen depends on the though.

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 2 years ago

      Grieving time is a horrible time , Many of us have felt our share too and I often wonder how some people just seem to put all their pain into love for others somehow , I'm not very good at being open with other people about my loneliness and grief , in person ! So I often suffer mine better in solitude . Not good ! But that's the way I am , I imagine that you are a great lover of people , somehow I see that as your cure ! Either way us writers must stick together sooooo , I'm sticking to you with a big hub hug ! So here -uuuugggggggmmmmm! And a peck on the cheek!.....Ed

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      janshares: Thank you so much for coming by here and for such generous comments and compliments. Grief is hard and we can all be defenseless under the circumstances. What better way to express it but write and I am grateful for readers like you who understand and appreciate the thoughts underneath.

      Sending you some love from the sky~

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      chateaudumer: Thank you. I am flattered. Just catching up on my reading as I was away and no wi-fi in the sky. Heading there now...

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Dear Tina, Thank you for reading and commenting. I can very well understand how you feel and yes, you're right, some days are better than other days. Sending you some good vibes and love from the sky. ~

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      ahorseback: Sometimes it is better to keep it that way...to be silent. It gets sacred that way.

      Hugs back to you Ed (my fellow writer) and as always...sending you some love from the sky.

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 2 years ago

      You're such an awesome writer !

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      ahorseback: Thank you.

    • RonHawk profile image

      Ron Hawkins 2 years ago from California, United States

      I grieve wholly and mercilessly

      I unleash the agony upon my being,

      letting it reign with all its might

      to sweep me to all those scary places

      like a boat lost in a stormy ocean

      like a mouse buried in a deep dark well

      like a ghost dissolved in the abyss of space.

      I let it express and burn all its glory

      until it consumes itself to smithereens

      from which I rise once more anew,

      dig my way up from the impossible well

      to float to the bosom of the warm rising sun,

      and get ready to love completely yet again.

    • torrilynn profile image

      torrilynn 2 years ago

      Your poem was beautiful and I instantly thought of my mom, my dog, and my grandpa whom I've all lost in the past year and a half. Thank you so much for this.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      RonHawk: Hello and thank you. It's been some time and I truly enjoyed your very comforting comments.

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      torrilyn: Apology for the delay in responding. I was caught up in the traffic of my very busy life. Thank you for reading and commenting. I hope you find comfort in the wonderful memories they have left behind. Peace~

    • misterhollywood profile image

      John Hollywood 2 years ago from Hollywood, CA

      I loved this Hub so much. What you shared deeply resonated with me. I hope this hub goes viral. I'm bookmarking for days when I'm in need of a reminder that I'm not alone. Thank you for creating this!

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      misterhollywood: Thank you. I also have to remind myself from time to time that I am not alone. Peace~

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 2 years ago from Texas

      Healing from the loss of any relationship just takes time. For me, it takes quite a bit of time because if I feel all the grief from it, I also get to keep the good for later.

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      shanmarie: I know, time is essential and to keep ourselves busy helps a lot. Well, thank you for keeping me company here today. I appreciate your visit and your words. See you around HP.

    • profile image

      Smilealot 2 years ago

      Having lost someone very close recently, this certainly resonates...beautifully and sensitively written:-))

    • CrisSp profile image
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      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Smilealot: Thank you for gracing this page. I very much appreciate your kind words. I'll see you in the next hub stop.

    • Leptirela profile image

      Leptirela 2 years ago from I don't know half the time

      Just beautiful and thoughtful.

      Thumbs up for the emotions provoked .

      Beautiful and awesome for it is just that.

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Leptirela: Thank you for reading. Pleased that you appreciate the emotions.

    • headshrinker profile image

      headshrinker 2 years ago from Western Massachusetts

      Beautiful, I feel your pain. I've found that whether it's loss of a relationship or the loss of a life there is a grieving that goes on in some way forever. I read another hubber recently, theanimalman, who really seems to be writing from a painful place right now, you might want to check it out..

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      headshrinker: Thank you. I'll surely check theanimalman on HP. Peace~

    • liesl5858 profile image

      Linda Bryen 2 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi! CrisSp, By reading your poem I could feel how unhappy or lonely you must have been feeling. I am sorry for whatever reason but I hope that you will get over it one day. As they say, time heals. How I grieve, I can't tell you because when I lost my mother suddenly thru suicide, I really did not have time to grieve properly as I had to carry out my mother's responsibility which was quite a lot. My hands were full and I was really glad because although it was sad to lose my mother, I really had no time for grieving. I had my younger siblings to look after and my blind grandfather as well to look after. I just busied myself and that is how I overcome my grief but we are all different in dealing with our grief. So what one does might not work for others. All I can say is don't isolate yourself. Try to be with other people or your family. Hope you will cope okay.

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      liesl5858: Thank you for reading and your kind words. I'm alright 'though at times it can be overwhelming. I'm as busy as a bee in fact and I like to keep myself busy. Time heals for sure...how long is the question. You had some tough times in your life as well. So sorry to hear about the tragedy but I'm glad you overcame the trials. You're one a strong woman. :) Take care.

    • the rawspirit profile image

      Robert Morgan 23 months ago from Hutchinson Island, FL - Myrtle Beach, SC - Scottsdale AZ

      Hello Ms. CrisSp, I voted that I carry out my mourning in all the ways you listed. I think that mourning is a crucial part of being a healthy and really happy well-rounded person. We have to feel the sorrow if we are going to know the joy that comes in the morning. Blessings, Bobby

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 23 months ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      the rawspirit: I like your good point of view and even though I'm not really a morning person, I look forward to seeing the sun shine everyday and I'm grateful that I see it everyday. Thank you.

    • the rawspirit profile image

      Robert Morgan 22 months ago from Hutchinson Island, FL - Myrtle Beach, SC - Scottsdale AZ

      But today there is extreme pain

      Back to your poem again... Lost my mom yesterday. Blessings, Bobby

      "And I can’t fight the emptiness

      This is brutal loneliness

      It hits like a bullet of a 45 caliber."

    • CrisSp profile image
      Author

      CrisSp 22 months ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      the rawspirit: Oh no, Bobby! I am so sorry to hear that. May you find the strength and comfort from the people around you during this trying times in your life. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May she rest in peace.

      Love from the sky~

    • the rawspirit profile image

      Robert Morgan 22 months ago from Hutchinson Island, FL - Myrtle Beach, SC - Scottsdale AZ

      Thanks, dear one... Never thought it would be this tough. Blessings.

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