The Art Of Detatchment

This morning I was contemplating the question that my friend, Julie put to me yesterday. “What is the thing you most want to change about your life,” she asked. Many ideas began to swirl around and surface such as, make more money, improve my relationships and experience success with my business. But these things are all superfluous, adding to my happiness, but not creating it. Knowing that this world is an illusion and only a symbol of what exists in the "other world," the most important change, the thing that would make the most difference in my life is improving the relationship between me and and the bigger part of me. How I grow and expand through my experience of life in the third dimension is all that I will take with me when I leave this reality. In fact, it is why I came here in the first place. I decided to go deeper and ask for guidance from Spirit. As I sat in my sacred garden and began to breath through my heart, I asked my question. Before I was even aware of it, I had my answer.

My entire life has been about chasing the illusive state of love and approval. It has always been like a carrot, dangle just out of my reach. This has caused me an immense amount of anguish and suffering because to achieve the idea of this state requires that I so enmesh myself with others that I loose myself completely. I become like a puppet, subject the whims and moods of others to make me feel good about myself. I live in a constant state of always doubting myself, feeling unsure and being critical of myself. So imagine my marriage relationship. If my husband is in a good mood and he himself is feeling good, he is quite capable of lifting me up (if he feels like it). When this occurs, all is well in my world and I feel good about my self for a time. However, when one builds their foundation on sand, what happens when the winds blow and the sands shift? What if he is in a bad mood and God forbid, angry? What if he is feeling bad or unsure of himself? That is what gets directed at me. So now, my focus becomes all about what I can do to make him happy... so he can make me happy. This is a convoluted path to happiness that by the way, never works. In spite of this, most of us have been taught to look outside ourselves for love and validation. This only keeps us powerless and impotent. Life becomes about keeping the status-quo at all costs, tip-toeing around, always having my antennae out to pick up the slightest breeze so I can shield and protect myself in the event of a storm. Do you see the nonsense of it all?

For years my nemesis seems to have been detachment, and what the heck is that anyway? Detachment sometimes feels callous and uncaring. How can I love someone and be detached at the same time? For someone like me, this is a tall order. Detachment is about the discovery of real love, Universal love, God’s love, if you will and not the conditional love we have all been conditioned to believe in. Love begins inside. First, I must experience true love for myself, an acceptance of myself just for being. It’s not about who I am, or what I do. I do not have to justify my existence. I am here, so it must be on purpose. I feel I have been eeking towards detachment, slowly, but I am still affected by my husband's words, moods and deeds. What would it feel like to feel total acceptance, love and peace, to be okay no matter what anyone else is feeling, doing, or saying, to be in a total state of non-reactment? What would it feel like to live in the perpetual state "who cares," which means, to feel the confidence of "I am that I am" no matter what? What would it feel like to just be. Wouldn't that be life changing?

Ahhhh, it would feel like heaven, like freedom! Our great teacher Jesus said it very eloquently, “Be in the would but not of the world.” So, this is my answer, my quest. Freedom. A bit lofty to be sure, but I am confident that my husband will provide plenty of opportunities for me to practice.

Everyday I will be kind and tender toward myself, practice non-judgment of myself and others and understand that there are no mistakes. I am exactly where I am suppose to be, experiencing exactly what I am suppose to. I will feel gratitude for those rascals that offer me opportunity to practice, practice, practice.