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Do You Live YOUR OWN Life Or The Life YOUR FAMILY Has Preordained For You? YOU Decide!, Part II

Updated on February 4, 2013

Either You OWN Your Life Or You Are Being OWNED!

Many people let their parents and/or other family members script their lives instead of fearlessly write their own life script. This does not only apply to people's educational, job, and/or career script but in their personal lives as well. Many people blindly follow their familial script in other aspects of their lives.

Many people are in the same religion and/or ethical beliefs of their parents and/or other family members without even doing some independent analysis of the subject. They follow the religious and/or ethical script of the parents and/or other family members because it is expected, nothing more and nothing less. In other words, if parents and/or other family members are of a certain religion, it is an unwritten expectation that their family member will follow suit with no questions asked. The reasoning is after all this is the family religion and no one should ever deviate from this tradition.

There are parents and/or other family members who are extremely adamant that their family member should follow the family religious tradition. They believe that their religious and/or ethical path is the only legitimate and sanctioned religious/ethical path. Oh horrors of all horrors if the family member has the unmitigated audacity to choose a religion and/or ethical belief that would be totally divergent from that of the rest of the family. To many family members, this so-called "deviation" is totally unheard of and akin to blasphemous sacrilege.

What these family members fail to understand that just because they believe in something does not mean that the other family member will. Each person is an individual, different, and unique entity of and in himself/herself. However, many parents and/or other family members are unwilling to accept this. Instead, they portend that the family member is quite errant in his/her ways and it is hoped that he/she "see the light before it is too late" so to speak.

There are still other parents and/or family members who use strong psychological tactics to get the family member to stay in the family religion/ethical belief. The tactics range from subtle criticism and derision to being outright disowned. Yes, there are still some parents and/or other family members who actually refuse to have anything to do with another family member because he/she elect to believe in a religion and/or ethical belief which is different from that of the rest of the family.

There are many people who reluctantly adhere to the family religious and/or ethical principles whether than to face the derision and nonacceptance from parents and/or other family members. They maintain that they are totally choiceless and voiceless in the matter. Also, they may "want" to be the "good little boy/girl" in the family "who would make their parents and/or other family members proud." So they go through the motions regarding the family religion/ethic belief much to their angst.

Now you see where this is going. Yes, there is more-much, much more. How many people live their lifestyles in accordance to the dictates of their parents and/or family members? Where are you going with this, you ask? Well, I intend to explore as many aspects of this subject as humanly possible! Now, let me proceed!

There are people who are afraid to live their unique lifestyle whether gender, sexual or relational for fear of upsetting the parental/familial construct. There are single people,especially women, who enter into relationships because that is the parental/family script. This script is that mature people have relationships and only immature people choose to be single. Some single people, especially women, are routinely inundated (yes, I mean inundated, not inculcated) that in order to be considered a viable grown-up, they must be in a relationship.

Some parents and/or other family members are loathe to accept that their family member is single because of lifestyle choice. They believe that committal relationships, preferably marriage, adds respectability and stability to one's life. They view being single as akin to utter and total "hedonism" and a "wild lifestyle." As a result, so many single people are either overtly and/or covertly pressured to be in a relationship and to get married. Oftentimes, these marriages are part of the 50% of marriages which usually end in divorce!

Many women have an unwritten family script that they are worthless and not a "real woman" if they are not in a relationship or married. If she is uninterested in being married and/or pursuing a relationship, some parents and/or other family members consider her an "old maid" or worse pejorative words. While there are some women who are resistant to the family script, many others succumb to familial pressure. Many parents and/or family members actually consider that it is quite an unnatural state for a woman to be relationshipless or unmarried. Many women were told by parents and/or other family members that the only acceptable and legitimate lifestyle for women is to be married! Because of familial admonitions, some women actually settle in a marriage or relationship much to her inner angst. However, she elects to do so because she wants to be the "good little girl" who does not make familial waves.

There are women who are inculcated to be mothers by parents and/or other family members. The family script mandates that all women eventually are wives and mothers. If the woman in question refuses to accept this script, she is called narcissistic and/or selfish in order to "make her come to an epiphanic realization." God knows how many women become mothers just to placate and to conform to the familial script although subconsciously they never wanted children at all.

Not only women, there are some unwritten family script which men are expected to conform to. Many men were told by their parents and/or other family members that they must be strong and tough with no exceptions. If they dare to show any type of vulnerability, fathers and other male family members use methodologies to "toughen them up" and to "make them men". Many boys and men who are of a more sensitive disposition were often not supported in many families especially where it come to their career and/or lifestyle aspirations. They were oftentimes told to have so-called manly pursuits and to stop being $%#%! and other pejorative names. Many sensitive boys and men had to hide their true persona to adopt a tougher facade in order not to be derided by their fathers, brothers, and/or other male family members. This tough bravado and facade often result in irreparable psychosocial and physical damage.

There are parents and/or other family members who portend that there is only one legitimate sexual lifestyle. They refuse to accept that their family member may be part of the LBGT community. Despite the evidence, these parents and/or other family members adamantly portend that the family member may be "somewhat strange" but he/she is "alright" so to speak. To other parents and/or family members, being part of the LBGT community is akin to being leprous. So many members of the LBGT community are quite loathe to come out to their family members for fear of being derided or worse.

While many LBGT people come out to their parents and/or other family members and consequences be damnable so to speak, there are still others who want the love of their parents and/or other family members. So they pretend to be heterosexual thus adopting an outer facade. This means that while they live an outer heterosexual life, secretly they practice their LBGT lifestyle. They are deathly afraid of having their true LBGT life revealed for fear of family ostracism and stigmatization. They know many of their friends who were ostracized and/or worse by their parents and/or family members because the latter came out as part of the LBGT community. There are so many members of the LBGT community who deny their true sexual identity or led secret, furtive lives because they are inundated by their families, peers, and society that their lifestyle is immoral, perverse, unnatural and totally abhorrent.

Many people have a family script based upon their particular ethnic/cultural/racial group. Each ethnic, cultural, and/or racial group have their own unique script. Many people of these groups have an unwritten family script which they feel that they must adhere to. There are people who do not fulfill their highest and ultimate aspirations and potentials because of their ethnic, cultural, and/or racial family script. They were taught by their parents and/or other family members that in order to be an authentic member of their ethnic, cultural, and/or racial community, they must abide by a certain script which is not to be "deviated" from.


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      Sophia Angelique 5 years ago

      I think my family had a lot to do with my choices and they were absolutely disastrous - for me. It has taken me a life time to undo the 'programming.' I am proud to say that my daughter very much does her own script. I think it's quite difficult to get rid of programming that we don't even know exists! My relationships are non existent and probably will be for the remainder of my life. I feel it is too late. :)

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      To Ginger Ruffles and Skeety D: Thank you so much for your comments.

    • SkeetyD profile image

      SkeetyD 5 years ago from Barbados

      The hub has so many truths in it.

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      Ginger Ruffles 5 years ago

      Awesome & enlightening hub!