ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Do You Talk Too Much?

Updated on March 9, 2013

Take the quiz to see if you talk too much!


view quiz statistics
How we start to feel on the inside when someone won't stop talking
How we start to feel on the inside when someone won't stop talking

Talk is Cheap

We all get trapped with a talker every now and then. A few minutes into their ramble you start plotting your escape, how do I get out of this? Wait what are they even saying? As a professional people-watcher, I especially enjoy spotting strangers out and about, cornered listening to the nonstop ramble of their company. Their eyes might be glazed over, their attention wondering, but still, the talker keeps talking.

Don’t get me wrong; I cherish many talkers in my life! All of which are actually aware they talk far too much. So why don’t they stop?

We all do something that irritates others, perhaps we tend to run late, or we can be forgetful when it comes to birthdays. “That’s just the way I am…” We justify our bad behavior as one quirk among many great traits. But what if that one quirk is the thing holding you back in life? And perhaps you don’t even know it!

The psychological community has already devised a label for those that talk too much. They link the disorder to Attention Deficit Disorder (ADHD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Anything labeled is usually stigmatized, meaning talking too much is not a good thing. Still… the gabbing continues.

Reasons People Talk Too Much

As with any ‘disorder’ there are logical reasons behind the actions. No two people are the same; everyone has their own reasons for talking too much or too little. While some point to iffy labels like narcissism to explain the ‘me, me, me,’ gabber, as a sociologist I look to our social world for other, less accusing, answers.

Insecurity. Some might see this as a contradiction but insecurity and shyness are very different emotions. The insecure individual feels the need to prove themselves as worthy. By talking about their life, their projects, and their great friendships, they are reassuring themselves and others of their worth. The problem with this route of action is actions speak way louder than words. If you’d like to impress someone, show them- don’t tell!

A common excuse for excessive talkers who routinely cut others off is, “But I already know what everyone is going to say!” No matter how sure ones’ mind-reading skills may be, they might be surprised at the valuable insights others have to offer, ones they never saw coming.

When talking endlessly about yourself, you’re bound to get nods of approval and words of praise- that’s the natural response, the one we are trained to give. Consequently, talkers are receiving a lot of attention for their pesky peeve. Even if others are secretly annoyed, the talker is clueless because they are receiving positive reinforcement.

But it’s not all positive for a talker, who many steer away from in fear of becoming caged by endless words. This blocks talkers off from certain chances; perhaps what one has been looking for is right under their nose, they just can’t hear if they don’t stop talking.

Employers don’t like hiring people who talk too much either. And even worse, family members don’t like to hear the same relative gab endlessly at every function. This is how many talkers become isolated and unemployed, often unsure what has even happened.

Listeners are not always sympathetic to talkers, being cut off after everything you say can get old rather quick. In fact, it starts to feel extremely rude and exahsting. The talkative may not intentionally be doing it, but they are sending the signal they don’t care what others have to say. People will start to get the impression that what they say doesn’t really matter and it's no fun hanging with someone you feel voiceless around.

Keeping Chatter In-Check!

We all talk too much sometimes. It’s a side effect of nervousness and excitement, the sign of a good date or a proud parent and then sometimes the chatter comes out of nowhere for no seeable reason. So how do we make sure our moments of chatter don’t go overboard?

  • Keep track of your next few conversations, who begins the conversation and who ends it? Who spent the majority of the time talking?
  • Set goals; if you are a talker start regulating what you say. Only mention what you feel is most important and of interest to whomever you are speaking with. It can be hard to quit over-chatting so start small. I guarantee people will instantly notice and appreciate the difference.
  • Remember, not everyone is interested in the same things as you. Be sensitive to this when talking to others. While a documentary on George Washington might appeal to some, it puts others to sleep, especially when re-told.
  • For every “I…” statement ask a question. People like when you show interest in their life and don’t just accept the routine answers like, “good.” Get your friends and family really talking about themselves, listening might feel better than you think.

People-pleasers like myself are the perfect motivators for those who talk endlessly. I will remember everything you tell me and by nature I will regurgitate this into a question in the future. I’ve learned, in many instances, I can no longer do this unless I have extra hours to spare. And…I don’t. It’s not that I don’t want to hear the stories a talker has to share, I just want to hear the summarized version please!

Source

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Crystal Tatum profile image

      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Fantastic subject matter and well done. I often think of these encounters as monologues versus conversations. The offender could just as well be talking while looking at herself in the mirror, as little as she cares about how the other person is reacting. I've been cornered by incessant gabbers many times - apparently I'm a good listener or something - and afterwards I feel like I've had the energy sucked out of me. Great job and voted up, and I'm sharing.

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Thanks crystal!!! You sound just like me, I'm seriously starting to think I attract all talkers!! I think I need to write an additional hub on ways to escape a talker!

    • sweetzara profile image

      Zara Rasul 4 years ago from Mumbai, India

      Nice hub! I suffer from this problem and it takes a lot to shut me up. I suffer from 'verbal diarrhea'

    • vims003 profile image

      Vimesh Ummer.U 4 years ago from india

      super topic....really it happens often in our life.good job.

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      sweetzara, I love so many people like you!! Thanks for reading :)

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Thank you vims003!!!

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      This is a creative and excellent hub! I know a few people I would like to send this too.. hmm... I am not a talker and I have been told several times in my life that I don't talk much for a woman. I guess with four kids, I became a listener instead. Very creative and I enjoyed this hub. Sharing and Pinning.

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      Hehehe, im not much of a talker. I talked with my pen...im not good at speaking in public, even friends and families.. silent-type kind of gal :)

    • CriticalMessage profile image

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      I speak with my eyes...

    • denisemai profile image

      Denise Mai 4 years ago from Idaho

      Yes.

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      This is great Becky! I think I answered the quiz wrong because I definitely love to talk! Your quiz was awesome, the hub was awesome, what more can I say? Voted up, useful and awesome! And sharing!

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Thanks so much everyone! I'm loving checking out the stats on your results ;)

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Thanks tammyswallow!! Really means a lot coming from you :)

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      unknown spy, thanks for sharing :)

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Thanks josh!! :) :)

    • beaddve1800 profile image

      beaddve1800 4 years ago from Toronto

      Yes I do talk too much.... :o

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      that's alright beaddve1800, we still like you around here :) :)

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Enjoyed this hub immensely Becky! Great quiz and well put together content! Voted and sharing! :)

    • snowdrops profile image

      snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

      Yeah! but not much. hahaha love this hub, enjoyed taking the quiz!

    • mom4autism profile image

      Lisa 4 years ago from Northeast U.S.

      This was a fun hub and nicely thought out. This hub will make me think twice when I am in conversations - I will make sure I am not talking over anyone. I loved the quiz! Thanks, voted up, funny and following :)

    • tjdavis profile image

      Teresa Davis 4 years ago from Moscow, Texas

      This was a great topic and from the quiz it appears I don't actually talk that much..thanks!!!

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Thanks everyone!!! Glad you're enjoying :)

    • CriticalMessage profile image

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Test result: is that I am 'Clamped Closed'... You don't spend much time discussing yourself. In fear of talking too much, don't forget to speak at all. People want to hear your thoughts, adventures, and feelings to a certain extent, don't miss out on the wonderful opportunity to share them!

      May be the reason why I am dippin my toe into the pond here on HubPages ?

      Lots of thoughts, feelings, beliefs and volumes of adventures that really should maybe, be shared someday. *grins*

      Thumbs Up!

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Criticalmessage - this is a great place to start using your voice! I look forward to reading all that you have to offer :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Excellent hub! I agree with everything you said. Great tips here. I love the cartoon at the bottom of the page and quote.

      I don't like people that brag about their qualifications, jobs, family and material possessions. You are so right! When someone feels the need to brag or prove themselves to others, this can come across as insecurity. It's better to let people find out on their own. This is my policy and it has always worked for me.

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Thanks lovedoctor926! I also agree, and even worse than coming off as insecure... in my opinion at least... is coming off as 'self-centered.' But what great insights you share, thanks again!

    • Dahlia Flower profile image

      Dahlia Flower 4 years ago from Canada

      I enjoyed this hub. I liked your points on how to keep oneself in check.

      There is another kind of talker who asks too many questions, one after another. That kind of talker does not know how to make conversation. They really keep you busy answering a dozen questions. I think it's a strategy or maybe it's just nervousness on their part.

      I do think sometimes or for some individual people it is important to let them talk as much as they like. Some people can be really lonely or be elderly and hardly get out so they are just very excited about someone to talk to.

      I'm voting this up and useful.

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Thanks Dahlia Flower! I love all of the points that you bring you up! I especially love the point you make about the elderly and lonely.

    • Nettlemere profile image

      Nettlemere 4 years ago from Burnley, Lancashire, UK

      The talkers who mystify me are the ones who give you their entire life story including very personal bits on first meeting you.

      I enjoyed your hub.

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Nettlemere, hello again :) I agree!! The lifetime story tellers are in great abundance too!!! Thanks for the comment and glad you enjoyed.

    • Green Bard profile image

      Steve Andrews 4 years ago from Tenerife

      Voted up and Interesting for this hub, Becky! I know I often talk too much but at other times I am too quiet and look like I have nothing to say. My problem is I am very shy so find it hard to start conversations. If I find that someone is interested in what I am saying I tend to say a lot.

    • Becky Bruce profile image
      Author

      Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Hey Green Bard! That's what is great about Hubpages, even if you are shy it's easy to come out and talk! Although, I think you are might be more smart than shy, knowing when to talk a lot and when not to :)! Thanks for commenting!

    • profile image

      Martha 5 weeks ago

      I have a friend tat calls me on the phone and then does a monologue. I could put the phone down for 5 minutes and she would still be talking. She's very smart. But I think she has some type of problem. It's not normal to talk so much. I can't say much about myself in the conversation. It's all about herself. very weird!

    Click to Rate This Article