Don't Let Depression Take Over
I never realized I had a mental illness until I was in my early 20's. It took an eating disorder and a near suicide attempt for me to actually realize it and start taking anti-depressants. I came home after a day full of emotional binge eating, went in to my room at my parents house and fell to the floor crying. I felt like I could not get away from myself. I was was my own worst enemy. I wanted to do something drastic to escape. Escape life, escape my family, escape my job....everything. I really wanted to just go somewhere and become medicated; being a zombie sounded good to me. I didn't want to face myself and what I was doing to my body. So, as much as I thought it would be a good idea to take a fist full of tylenol as an experiment, instead I asked my mom to drive me the emergency room.
I had all the signs of depression. I will list them shortly. I was taken to a facility and prescribed an anti-depressant. Probably the best thing that ever happened to me. The little green pills definitely helped and I fully support taking anything to improve mental health (anything legal of course). The only problem it was assumed that there is no cure for depression. Yes, I know it's hereditary. The medical condition runs ablaze in my family. Of course not many will admit they have it and thus, live in misery to this very day.
I, however, do not want that life. I do not want my children to have the outlook that they have to succumb to this mental disease should they have it. There are things that can help. Even if my feet feel like cement blocks one day, I have to make myself get out of my bed every morning. Some mornings/days are easier than others. Not only would it be unfair to my husband and children for me to wallow in my hopelessness, it would be unfair to ME.
Depression is described as a mental health condition; and is one of the most debilitating things I have ever endured. Including any pain I have felt; childbirth, herniated disc in my back, you name it...It has come close to controlling my life and even ending it. Is that serious enough? Here are some signs of depression:
- Loss of appetite
- Loss of interest in people or socializing
- Inactivity or over exercising
- Feeling inadequate
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Sudden weight gain
- Solitude or non-stop crying
- Thoughts of suicide
There is Hope
Go see your primary care physician. In fact, run. They can go over what medications that can be right for you along with the side effects and also what is covered by your insurance.
Talk to someone. I know how corny and cheesy it sounds but friends, family members (who are positive) will save you! Listen to their advise. Be open and confide in them. You aren't alone even though you think you are.
Exercise. It raises endorphins. It's proven to make you feel better, it's scientific! Walking, dancing, anything will help.
If you can, find a therapist. Most of them will work on a sliding scale according to your income. Your mental health and happiness is the #1 priority.
If nothing else, ask me questions. Reach out. No one knows the deep dark feelings better than I do.