- Mental Health»
- Clinical Depression
Escaping the Transfixion
Take one last look. I realize it seems appealing, but look deeply into its eye. What do you see there? Nothing. You see nothing there, because it's a void. It's a black hole. If you stay, and heaven forbid, if you should actually take a step forward, you will be sucked in like so many others. Is that what you want for yourself?! Is this what you dreamed of when you were a child?
Mind you, I'm not referring to the thing that took you by the hand and brought you to this place.
You remember that thing... that moment when....
*Your best friend betrayed you.
*Your loved one died.
*You realized you were in a losing a battle.
*You were helpless to defend yourself.
*You found yourself alone...
*Everything you trusted let you down.
You name it, we've all been there. We are not so different. How is it possible that we all feel so alone when we are surrounded by hundreds, thousands, even millions... dare I say an Earth full of people hurting just as we are? And they're all staring into the same desolation, feeling so utterly destitute and forsaken. It doesn't matter what the thing is that brought you to the black hole. What matters is...
Are you going to pitch a tent here?
Let me tell you now, there is no such thing as living here. It's quicksand. Didn't you know? Couldn't you feel the ground sinking beneath you? Never up, never forward, never out, just still and sinking. That's what your life has become. Take my hand! Please! Take my hand! I have a lifeline!
I can see you're cynical. You're not buying it, but I'm not selling it! I've got nothing to gain if you take a chance on God. Don't feel bad, I understand. I've heard it before. When you don't see immediate results, you think it must be a hoax. Just another giant let down in a series of painful let downs. Well I'm not here to prove anything to you. I just want to help. I have no power of my own... just a map that goes in two directions: forwards and backwards.
I've been where you are though, standing in front of the abyss. I built myself a home there. I planted a freaking flag! All I wanted was to be left alone in my castle where no one could get in. It felt so safe there behind those lovely high walls. I can still see it... it beckons to me daily, but things have changed, it's not the same. I'm not the same. I might have dug a moat and filled it with water, but like Rapunzel I left my prince a rope... a way in. I knew, if he wanted me bad enough, he would find my long braid and he did. He gave me space when I needed to run and hide. He cried when I did shameful things in the dark. And in the midst of it all, I could hear it... his still, sweet, small voice whispering in my ear, "I love you. Come back to me, all will be forgiven, all will be forgotten. I will save you from the black hole, if you'll let me." So I picked up the pieces of my heart, I wrapped them in my apron, and I set out to find my true love again. I had no more left the castle's gates when I saw him in the courtyard. He'd never left me. Not for a moment. To be honest, I wasn't surprised, I could feel him there all along.
I gave him back my heart. I want him to hold it, he's working on its restoration and I don't want it back 'til it's good and strong. Until then, I have things to do! People who need me.
There are children to raise, battles to face, new memories to create, laughs so big that they steal my air. There are trials to overcome, people to forgive, and baking to do. When I was locked "safely" in my sinking castle, my mind was consumed with darkness. The last thing I would have done was something as worthwhile as baking. But as I was on the mend from my brokenness, I made something... I made a loaf of strawberry bread. It's funny how something so simplistic could mean so much. We need these tiny victories when struggling to keep afloat in the quicksand. Do you have a goal? Even one? Even something small? Look away from the gaping mouth of the vacuum. Set your eyes on that one new goal. Baby steps. Everything's going to be okay.
Don't be afraid to wait on God. It doesn't all have to be solved today.
Every day you're alive, every day you say even one prayer, every day you survive to seek your creator even in the smallest way... puts you one day into the future... your future. Do you understand that you are on a path? Go forward. Tell the sadness you understand why you had to come to this place, but tell it you wont return... not to live anyway. It's not your home anymore. It's not even your past. It was a stopping ground. Pick up your pack my friend. It's time to move on. Pain did not ruin your life, and once you allow healing to begin, you'll see the wound was just a small stop on a grand journey. You can do it. Call out to God and start walking. The journey has just begun!
In case you need one small goal.
- How To Make Fresh Baked Strawberry Bread Recipe
Seems I am always waiting for strawberry season...So I can make this bread..It is so delicious. Of course living in southern California, I can pretty much get strawberries year round..However they just aren't as tasty as fresh picked grown in the sun