Fibromyalgia is My Thing #7

Did you ever just wander all over the place with your thoughts? I'm kind of an emotional person and recently something hit me and I just put it down. It came out like this:

I just realized I do not know how to NOT be a mom.

It hit me today as I am talking to my eldest daughter about my youngest daughter (who happens to be 34 years old) that I miss “mommy-hood” and may even be grieving over it.

All of a sudden I am dreaming about the son I lost, for real and my baby, who is doing quite well for herself.

Over the years I have been the run-to person for my girls. Even though there were years that one or the other did not need nor want me around, still I was needed by the other.

Now I see that I am needed by none of my children. They love me and they appreciate that I am here. However, between the flu, fibromyalgia and heart problems I am unable to travel like I used to. They are very busy (as indeed they should be) with their families and building a future. I am most proud of that.

Yet, what am I going to do with myself? This is something I seriously must ponder.

I am childless (for all practical purposes); except, of course, for my precious Snuggles who is a 14 year old Sheltie.

I know I have my husband and he loves me beyond measure. Poor man, he has not a clue as to how to help me. He is a very busy man working on a huge project that I am unable to help him with.

Whose problems will I have to research and solve, now? My own? I cannot even ponder on them, there are so many. Wait - perhaps that IS the answer. I’ll ponder on my own problems and fix them. Then I’ll have a purpose.

Ah, but it seems so selfish and empty to just be doing for myself. My man is pretty self-sufficient, so I must be very busy at being busy doing something for someone else.

Who? What? Where? When Why? How?

All I have to do is answer those questions and my problem will be solved. No more streaming tears, just plain old purpose.

Ah… that’s what is missing… purpose. I have no purpose. None. Nada. Zilch.

That, my friends, is exactly how I felt before I started here on hub pages. Not only have I found a purpose (to share my journey with others to perhaps make their life a bit easier) but I have found much good sound advice and some awesome and inspiring hubs.

So, thank you… all of you who write. You may not always know I have read your works, but you have helped me tons. You have helped me with humor, with encouragement and stories that you tell and poetry that you write.

So again, I say THANK YOU!