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MY PERSONAL STRUGGLE WITH ADDICTION TO CRACK

Updated on June 3, 2011

HOW I BECAME AN ADDICT

Addiction takes on many forms and does not happen overnight. You do not wake up one morning and say, "I think I will become an addict today". Just as you do not become an addict overnight, you do not recover overnight either. Recovery is a long slow battle but one you do not have to fight alone. There is a lot of help available to you. The greatest help is God or as they say in the many 12 Step programs, a "Higher Power". I say that if god is on your side who can be against you.

My personal road to addiction took many years to culminate into an addiction. I was actually lulled into believing that it would never happen to me until one day...

I took my first hit of "crack cocaine" at the age of 39 and spent the next 4 years trying not to take another hit. Whenever I finally did go to sleep, I did so swearing that I would never do it again.

I woke up and went looking for a hit. and so the process went for the whole 4 years. I spent more nights sleeping on the street than I did in a bed.

Many people tried to blame my addiction on my boyfriend at the time. I knew better and was quick to accept my responsibility. It took more than that to bring me to reality.

My ex-boyfriend and a friend of ours

My ex-boyfriend and a friend of ours
My ex-boyfriend and a friend of ours

MY EX-BOYFRIEND

When I met him I thought he was awesome. I would have done anything for him. Before you even think it, he did not get me to smoke "crack". That was my decision not his. he did not want me to. I think it was because he did not want to share. I must thank him for my talent with balloons. I had always wanted to learn and by watching him I picked it up very quickly.

My favorite corner to work

My favorite corner to work
My favorite corner to work

Corner of Bourbon and St. Peter st.

This was the absolute best place to make money as a balloon artist. I needed a lot of money to supply my habit. I smoked 200-500 dollars worth of "crack" per day by myself. I did not like to share either. I have a lot of memories on this corner and many of them are good. When I got clean the very first thing I did was to change working corners which cut back my revenue. That was a good thing too. Money was a trigger for me. whenever I had money I thought that I should buy "crack" because that is what I had done with the money from my balloons up to that point.

Silly Balloon hats

Tourists and their new hats
Tourists and their new hats

TOURISTS

So this is how I made my money for "crack". i made tourist laugh and look silly. They loved it and they gave me money. I gave it to the dealer. I made enough that I should never have been broke but I was always broke. Smoking "crack" came before eating, sleeping, shelter, everything. It was my life.

More hats

I made these too.
I made these too.

Tourists Were Just There To Have Fun

The tourist did not care what we did with the money. They were just there to have fun and escape their boring lives at home. They thought that we were what made New Orleans special. we were special alright.

Tarot Readers

Tarot Readers on Jackson Square.
Tarot Readers on Jackson Square.

Jackson Square Tarot Readers

Due to my addiction I abandoned everything else in life. My daughter was the first to leave me. she just could not stand to see what I was becoming. she turned to people she knew in Jackson Square. They were Tarot Readers and they taught her ho. She loved it. She never got involved with "crack" but she had her own demons. Alcohol and marijuana were her choices. These were as addictive for her as "crack" was for me. Looking back I can see that we never dealt properly with our past, either one of us. at the time I did not understand what was going on nor did I want to. "Crack" is a numbing agent and that is why I liked it. It numbed the pain by changing my focus form reality to drugs. I stopped calling my mother whom I dearly loved. I did not want her to know just how bad off I was. occasionally I would have a rational moment and give her a call to let her know I was alive. she was a very smart woman and did not confront me with my problem. I know she knew because my daughter had told her. I do not know exactly why she did that but she did. I praise God that when my mom passed She did not know that I was in a relapse. She died thinking I was clean. Her death was my final call.

ME BEHIND BARS

FINALLY REALITY

One day it finally happened. I was locked up for paraphernalia charges. That is where I began to truly understand the gift of life that the Lord Jesus Christ gave us through His death on the cross. That is when I realized I had a problem that I could not fix and that only through Him would I ever be right. Jail was my blessing. I had now hit "rock bottom" with no where to look but up. It has not been easy but God has seen me through. I suffered through a relapse shortly after Katrina but I now have 3 years clean and sober and am grateful for every second. My concentration is now focused on Christ and my family. Praise God for His mercy and grace.

WE ARE FINE NOW

ME AND MY DAUGHTER NOW
ME AND MY DAUGHTER NOW

SO HOW ARE WE NOW?

After many years of hard work we are doing great. I am now freelancing and she is in college. She is studying for a PHD in clinical pscycology. She has given up drinking and marajuana. She is currently holding a 3.8 GPA which I am very proud of. She lives with me again and although we have our moments i would not change a thing. The only downside to the whole thing is that she has not accepted Christ yet. I will let Him handle that and I will stick to my job.

ORDER MORE INFORMATION

28 Days (Special Edition)
28 Days (Special Edition)

An awesome movie about addiction and recovery. The primary setting is a recovery center and it is a fairly accurate depiction of most centers

 
My Name Is Bill W
My Name Is Bill W

Bill W. is one of the founders of AA who was himself an alcoholic. AA is what most 12 Step programs are based on. This is his story on the big screen.

 

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    • angelatodd1 profile image

      angelatodd1 8 years ago from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

      I was in my thirty's as well. It took God's love and forgiveness to make it through all the damage I had done. I still struggle everyday but I found a church that has a program called Celebrate Recovery, It is all over the US

    • Williamjordan profile image

      Williamjordan 8 years ago from Houston TX

      Hello fellow recvering addicit you told my story thaks Would Share with me howw you put the links about meeting on your hub. Keep sharing with others.God Bless

    • sukkran profile image

      Mohideen Basha 8 years ago from TRICHY, TAMIL NADU, INDIA.

      hi, it is very impressive. thanks for sharing with us. it is a lesson for others, i think so.

      sukkran

    • Gods Child profile image
      Author

      Gods Child 8 years ago from New Orleans, La

      Thank you for your comments and support. They really do mean a lot to me as I struggle to earn a bit here and there with my new found business of writing.

    • Sufidreamer profile image

      Sufidreamer 8 years ago from Sparti, Greece

      Heartfelt Hub, beautifully written.

      With all of the bad press religion is receiving; it is refreshing to see how it can help. Respect to you for escaping the cycle.

    • Gods Child profile image
      Author

      Gods Child 9 years ago from New Orleans, La

      Thank you to all of you. My courage to write comes from God Who gives me a great desire to help others overcome their own problems through Him. Just as with my my other talents, when God came in He gave me ways to use all of my talents for His glory and this is just one of them. You should see what I do with balloons now days. LOL

    • LouiseKnittel profile image

      LouiseKnittel 9 years ago from Ohio

      Thank you for sharing your story. I am so glad that you found your way to Jesus!

    • profile image

      SirDent 9 years ago

      There is pleasure in sin, for a season. Taking drugs is fun at first. Then the addiction takes over and it isn;t fun anymore. It is a necessity.

      I love your courage Gods Child and applaud you for writing this hub. It is so hard to write about what we left behind us, but you did a great job.

    • William F. Torpey profile image

      William F Torpey 9 years ago from South Valley Stream, N.Y.

      Everybody makes mistakes, imadork, and I probably make more than most. But a journey of a thousand miles, as they say, starts with a single step.

    • imadork profile image

      imadork 9 years ago from St. Peters, MO

      I too am a recovering addict/alcoholic.

      To Torpey (above comment): "It's hard for me to understand, Gods Child, how anyone could fall victim to drugs."  Nobody sets out to become an addict, therefore your inability to understand means nothing.  It is not something that happens overnight.  It is a very gradual progression that goes undetected until it is too late.  Anyone can become an addict given the right (or wrong) situation.

      I am drug-free 6 years and alcohol-free 2 months.  I struggle everyday but never want to go back to the way I used to be.  That is what keeps be sober.  I refuse to lean on God in order to keep my sobriety.  I mean no disrespect, but in my book, removing one crutch and replacing it with another is a mistake.   

    • William F. Torpey profile image

      William F Torpey 9 years ago from South Valley Stream, N.Y.

      It's hard for me to understand, Gods Child, how anyone could fall victim to drugs, but I admire your will power to overcome the addiction. I was brought up Roman Catholic, and I respect those who put their trust in God. But, as I've said in other forums, President Kennedy wisely said during his campaign in 1960, "God helps those who help themselves." I'm glad you've done just that.

    • profile image

      laringo 9 years ago

      I am glad that you've your way back and you should be very proud of yourself. Kudos to your daughter also. The world waits for all the good that you have to offer.

    • Gods Child profile image
      Author

      Gods Child 9 years ago from New Orleans, La

      Thank you for your comment. God is blessing me although there are times when I do not see things as He does.

    • profile image

      Eddie Perkins 9 years ago

      God’s child,

      This is the first hub I’ve read of yours and it is a good one. Thank you so much for sharing.

      I am certain that God will bless and give you fruit for your work.

      Thanks again. ~ eddie