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How A Death In The Family Can Forever Impact My Life: My Story

Updated on November 28, 2012

It Has Been A While...I Know

I had to take a break from writing and I not only started working, but I also came to grip with some personal things that has been happening over the past two years as well as what has been happening now. In June of 2010, my only sister passed away from complications of the bone marrow transplant. You see, she had sickle-cell disease and she undergo the procedure because it was a lot for my parents and I (including her) emotionally, physically and mentally for her to be in constant pain due to her illness. We were always in the hospital and it became overwhelming for all of us. Just when we thought the worst was over, the complications of the chemo and all the medicines she took ultimately took her life. She was 15. Throughout her short life, I have always took part in making certain sacrifices to ensure that she would taken care of. Don't get me wrong, I still had the chance to go to the prom and went out on occasion with friends. In terms of really traveling and really doing anything for me, I did not do any of it. It was a choice that I have made for myself and if I had the chance to do it again, I will. I love my sister and as the oldest, it was my responsibility.

Since That Tragic Time in My Life: The First Few Months

It was a huge struggle for me to figure things out, with the addition of being 21 years old at the time and trying to decide what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I had crying spells, nightmares, dealing with the wrong people (due to the loneliness I have felt during the time), confusion and to a certain extent, an identity crisis. At times, I have slept with the TV on because I was so scared of dreaming about her. Even though I have my closest friends and family there with me through the toughest period of my life, I've felt alone. For a while, I have felt that way. After all, I had my sister there at the house. My life was so much around her that I never took the time to really care about my own needs and what I wanted to do (after all, I am a giver). At first, I did not want to talk about the death of my sister and did not want to be pushed to do so. I also wanted some time alone to come to terms about it.

Changes Were Going To Come And Take Over I See,

After the first few months, I went into this transition of "attempting" to find myself. While I somehow managed to get good grades in college and work hard on my senior capstone, I still felt empty. However, I have realized what worked for me and what doesn't. Which leads me to the saying: "In times like these, you'll find out who are your real friends are." Truer words have not been spoken! And remember when I have mentioned that I did not want to be pushed into talking about it and wanted some time to myself? Well, I had what you call a needy and selfish friend. She called and texted me over and over again about she felt like I was taking her for granted because I wouldn't talk to her or have her come over to the house (she lived in another state), and I have repeatedly told her that my sister has passed and I needed time to myself. She went on to say that she is aware of it (after all, she attended the funeral) and that I can talk to her about it.

I felt that this is a matter that I have to deal with and no one understood at the time what I was going through UNLESS he or she had to go through it themselves. I lost a sister, a part of myself that I have witnessed dying with my own two eyes. One time, she kept going on about it and when I forgot to plan for her birthday (due to being pre-occupied with college), she had the audacity to call on my birthday and started getting a fit. Annoyed but apologetic, I fell for the guilt trip and told her I will make it up to her. She cancelled the first option after she grew frustrated with the wait, so I thought that she should stay in my state and I will buy her a drink. Long story short, she did not come nor bothered to tell me she was not coming. To me, it was the last straw and I ended the friendship. At first, it was a sad event in my life once again because it was like another death to me. However, I have also realized that it had to happen in order for me to realize who was truly there for me or for themselves. I also had to cut out another "friend" which you can check below.

Then I Came To Realizations:

After I closed those chapters on these so-called friends and finally faced the issues surrounding the passing of my sister, I have finally realized that I needed to face these issues, so I went to therapy. I was too scared to confront these issues because they were too painful to bear. She was always there with me and had my back. Now I have myself, but it does not mean that I am ever alone. Just because I do not have my sister here physically, she will always have a part of me spiritually, emotionally and mentally. I have my family and real friends here with me. Secondly, I had to learn how to be my own best friend and to look out for self. I am still the sweet, loving generous person and I vow to keep it that way. However, I still have to ensure that I have my own needs and wants are met instead of a friendship or relationship being one-sided. I am still a work in progress and I do have my moments in which I really miss my sister, but you have to believe that it gets better in time. Anyone who had to deal with grief would tell you that while you never get over the death of a loved one, you can learn how to deal by accepting that it happened. You'll never forget the loved one you have lost, but you can always cherish their memory.

Have you lost a sibling or anyone that was significant in your life and how did you deal?


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