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How To Deal With The Death Of A Loved One

Updated on September 8, 2011

When the times comes in life for us to leave this world and meet our creator we think to ourselves what is it going to be like. Will I suffer with pain? Will I pass away in peace or in my sleep with no pain at all, or will I die by an accident that takes my life or a loved one?

In the line of work I have been doing for some twenty four years now, I have seen it all and have done it all as well. It is my job at the cemetery to try to comfort families that have just lost a loved one. It is hard to explain the feelings I have doing so, but I place myself in their position as if the lost was one of my family members.

You may ask, why I do this, and the answer is, that you must have compassion and not let the families think that you don't care and you just want to sell them graves or mausoleums to benefit the company. NOT true in my case, there are sometimes in my days work that I could just ball my eyes out due to the pain and suffering the family is having. It breaks my heart to see this happen to people, but I must stay strong and hold my emotions back, which sometimes is a very hard thing to do.

An example of "how to deal with the death of a loved one" is how I coped with my father's death.

The Hub before this one, I spoke of living your life to the fullest and my father was a prime example of living to the end.

My father flew the blue skies for sixty four years and loved it better each time the wheels left the ground on that runway. It was his passion in life to be able to fly almost everyday. He was a foreman in a jet engine plant and worked for the Federal Government for thirty some years, so he knew air crafts and engines from a very small plane to our fighter jets today.

He was healthy though out his life and one day we found out he had Multiple Myloma, cancer of the blood. This shocked our family, his friends, and most of all himself, but it didn't hold him back from flying. He flew up to three weeks before his death. He was very well known to all the News Channels and they celebrated is 80th Birthday at the airport he flew out of.  Three weeks later he passed away at home.

The way we had to deal with my father's death was by saying that first, he is in peace, and that he is now truly flying with the angels in that blue sky above. That put comfort to our hearts knowing that he truly loved life and lived life to the fullest to the very end.

What we all have to do when we lose a loved one is that we need to think of all the beautiful memories we had growing up with them.  They have only left us in body, but the memories we have will live in our hearts forever and ever.  



What we all have to remember is that our loved ones will be waiting at the gates of Heaven with open arms to greet each and everyone of us when it's our time to leave this world. They are only gone out of our lives body wise, but their love and fond memories of them live on in our hearts forever.

Stay strong with your lose and remember it's not forever that they will be gone. We will see all of them again and that's something to truly look forward to.

Continue to think of all the fond memories and remember that all of the people that have passed away Still Live In Our Hearts Today.

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    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

      What a special tribute to your father. Thanks for sharing. This is such a rich topic, death. So many people with so many different views and their own perspective. It is important to remember those who have died and that we can still carry their memory with us. For me, it is as you stated in your last line. My husband will always have a special place in my heart, and even though I miss him terribly, some days more than others, I always have the memories and stories we shared.

      Thanks for the thought provoking hub. :)

    • innerpower4u profile image

      innerpower4u 6 years ago from Sunny California

      Yes dealing with death of a loved one is absolutely difficult. I think once you have dealt with this, you can understand clearly how other people are feeling that are going through the same situation. I'm glad your Dad had a long adventuress life, he sounds like an incredible person:) Great Hub....

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 6 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      yes honestly, until I lost my dad to cancer last year, I could not have known the pain involved in loosing a loved one. It is a feeling of loss that never goes away, life goes on and happiness comes back, but once in awhile I will just break down and cry for no reason at all. I still have not seen my father face in my dreams, so I will wait and being a therapist I know that I have to face thafact that he has passed and once I do I am sure that I will see his face, I am waiting. Thank you for sharing your story and your pain.

    • profile image

      C. Finuoli 6 years ago

      This really touched my heart, Mark. You lost your dad and I lost my uncle. I know it's hard to loose a dad. I lost mine in April of 1993 to cancer. And, of course, you know, my sister, your cousin, Nina died Christmas Eve morning in 1986 of complications from lupus. The people that come to you for a grave site are so lucky to have you. It's so nice for you to have so much sympathy, compassion and empathy for them. It must be a bit emotionally exhausting for you, though. Thanks for writing all these articles that others can read and receive encouragement. I still can't believe that you are my first cousin and I hardly know you. That is a shame. We must get together.

    • LaurieDawn profile image

      LaurieDawn 6 years ago

      Your words touched me as I sit here and still mourn the loss of my husband. Yes we do have our memories and they carry us through those times of sadness and tragedy. And then to journey with us through life, always to remember and try to turn them into gladness because we were allowed to be blessed with having them in our lives.

      Thank you for such an enlightening hub.

      Blessings,

      Laurie

    • the clean life profile image
      Author

      Mark Bruno 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      @ LaurieDawn, First of all I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your husband. I know it must be so hard, but as you said, fond memories will always get you through your day. Always remember, that they are only gone physically and they will always be by our side and always forever in our hearts. We will meet them all again and that's something to really look forward to.

      God Bless you and your family and Hope you have a Very Merry Christmas and a Safe, Healthy and Happy New Years!

    • imatellmuva profile image

      imatellmuva 6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      The Clean Life this is an amazing and beautiful hub! My condolences to you and yours on the loss of your father. Your words help to bring encouragement, and offer a way to manage grief, for sometimes it seems to never leave, it eases, but sometimes doesn't leave.

      My father passed away (3) years ago. He died of mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) and was diagnosed in the 1990's, but never told anyone. Mesothelioma is a cancer that while it is spreading, the victim remains and appears relatively healthy for approximately 20 or so years from the onset. My father became extremely ill one week, and a week later he was gone. The abruptness of his passing has been quite the challenge.

      I thank you Clean Life for this hub, and further thank you for sharing your own personal loss...believe it or not...that helps too. -Muva

    • the clean life profile image
      Author

      Mark Bruno 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      imatellmuva, Thank you so much for your kind words and also my condolences to you and your family for the sudden lose of your father, My dad flew his plane up to 3 weeks before he passed away. I guess the Lord has people live their life as usual until the very end even though they are very sick.

      I wish you all the best and hope you and your family have a Very Safe, Happy, and Healthy New Years 2011 !

    • imatellmuva profile image

      imatellmuva 6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      You're awesome Clean Life...A very safe, happy and healthy new year to you and your family too!! Thanks for keeping me inspired!!!

    • heymcs profile image

      heymcs 5 years ago from Utah and DC

      I lost my mom in April and I still grieve. I can't believe how tough her illness and death have been and how much I miss her. The emptiness is huge. The funeral home workers were some of the most caring and kind people we came in contact with and while I know it was their business, they took care of my mom and our family with the upmost care and respect and kindness.

    • the clean life profile image
      Author

      Mark Bruno 5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      heymcs I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I know it is so hard, but always remember she will always be in your heart and nothing can ever take that away. I learned to accept the death of both my parents by just remembering my life as a child and all the fond memories I have with my mom and dad. Just think we will all meet again some day, so stay strong and keep thinking of all the great times you had with your mom.

      God Bless You

      Mark

    • profile image

      Donna 5 years ago

      My husband passed away in 09 of cancer he was 51yrs old. I went to counseling and at one point she told me I was ready to date. When I had met my husband it was through my brother back then that is how you met people family and friends not getting on dating sites, i was lonley and decided to try these sites I have been out with several men but they always have an agenda sex I wasnt on line for that I was online to met someone a LTR but it is not happening. I met one man who was going through a divorce but well it is a long story but he is not avalable for me his wife is giving him grief he lives at home in the garage with her still there. She is the bread winner and is putting a lot of demands on him plus he dosent like his job, he wants to move out but the only way is by getting a better job. When we are together I dont think about my husband we both fell in love with each other, I dont know it just happened, so when I am not with him I start getting depressed, crying, I try to go out with friends or be with my family but they can only do so much. This man I have met has a lot of my husbands attrabuties I know his divorce will be long and drawn out I only work part time I am looking for fulltime or a second job but it is hard out there. I have had so many looses in my life my mom, friends but my husband has been the very hardest.

    • the clean life profile image
      Author

      Mark Bruno 5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      Donna, First off I just want to say how sorry I am about the loss of your husband, I can't even imagine losing a spouse. I am sure it is very hard for you, But always remember Donna all the nice things you did together and all of the fine memories you have with him will live in your heart forever and bring a inner smile and calmness to you when you think of him. He is always with you and that's something that can never be taken away. Also sorry about the passing of your mom too. Life can change in a second. You seem like a very strong person and always keep that positive attitude! As far as the new man in your life, I guess you will just have to stick it out until the time is right without having any trouble on the way with the wife. Hang in there and stay strong because things will work out if they are meant to be. Take care Donna and if you ever need to talk or vent just email me from my profile.

      Mark

    • bryanbaldwin profile image

      bryanbaldwin 5 years ago from Los Angeles

      You have a lot of really thorough and well written hubs.

    • the clean life profile image
      Author

      Mark Bruno 5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      bryanbaldwin - Thank you so much for reading my hubs and for your kind words to me and my writing.

    • profile image

      numbheart1008 5 years ago

      My brother got an accident....and he is fighting his life while i am very far from home..I am an overseas worker...exactly one week after i left home my brother die...my most kind and understanding brother.....i can't go home because i only arrived in the country i'd working...very painful...and until now it's really hard to accept

    • the clean life profile image
      Author

      Mark Bruno 5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      numbheart1008 , I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your brother. I am sure is very hard being in another country at the time of his death. Remember your brother will be always in your heart and the memories will always be with you.

      God Bless you and your family

    • red mermaid profile image

      red mermaid 4 years ago

      It brings me great comfort to read your words, the memories of losing my own father are painfil still and it's good to know there are people out there who are willing to comfort others. well done in writing a compassionate hub.

    • the clean life profile image
      Author

      Mark Bruno 4 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      red mermaid- I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. Stay strong as I am because we will meet them in Heaven one day.:) My Dad passed away and 3 years later my Mom. When my Mom died I hit the booze more than ever because I felt quilt in which I wrote a hub about some time ago. Thank you so much for your kind words to me.

      God Bless you !

      Mark

    • profile image

      gagansahni 4 years ago

      I have lost my fater one month back due to brain stroke . he was admitted in hospital for one week I have seen him dying every day infront of my eyes . he come every day in my dreams . I can not live with out my father for me now life has no meaning , no excitment no hope no happiness Nothing is left in my life . every time I think of my father his memories hurt me very much . pls help what shall I do ? people says keep patience but It is very difficult to keep patience . I love you very much my dad .

    • the clean life profile image
      Author

      Mark Bruno 4 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      gagansahni- I am so sorry to hear of your father's passing. I know it is so hard for you, but it is true..time does heal my friend. Your father will always be within you and and in your heart. He has only left you physically but his spirit and his love will be with you forever. You will see your father again and I will see my parents again when it is time for us to leave this earth. I too have dreams often about my parents and I truly think it is their sign they are will us and right by our side. God Bless you and stay strong!!

      Mark

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