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How to Become the Kind of Person You've Always Wanted to Be

Updated on December 27, 2012
Father and son. Family photo.
Father and son. Family photo.

How does it feel to want to be another kind of person? Is it an emptiness, an ache for something more, a missing feeling like something has been lost, or knowing sadly that there is unfulfilled potential in oneself? Is it frustration with one's own behavior such as being over-reactive, impatient or insensitive?

The values of our society are heavily focused on material possessions and recognized achievements. It is easy to become lost in wanting to measure up to the expectations of people around us. Such comparisons might leave us feeling inadequate in our financial status, physical condition or marketable skill-set. Whereas we humans have the capacity to observe our own process of ripening into mature beings, an apple tree just does it.

The person you or I want to be cannot be bought with money nor proven by achievements. That person is expressed in the quality of our behaviors.

How can any person fulfill their potential without self-reflection? It would be like going through life never seeing ourselves in a mirror or photo, and therefore having no opportunity to adjust our appearance. Self-reflection goes deeper than outward appearance and opens the way to guiding our own whole person maturation.

The self-reflective question 'How can I become the kind of person I have always wanted to be?' echoes inside and calls forth answers and understanding. When the incomplete self lets go of wantings, the inherent inner knowing of the greater Self arises. The role of the individual 'I' is to yield to the I am.

What brought you to the question of how to become another kind of person than what you feel yourself to be? Was there an event, a realization, a dawning awareness? A life-shaking event guided me into reflecting on what I believed and why, and in this process I started seeing myself more clearly. I began to recognize that my image of myself as a peaceful person was a cover for deep anger and bitterness. I was more numb than peaceful. When I could face myself honestly, I was able to describe in a journal the characteristics I intended to develop such as being a better listener, kinder towards others, more relaxed and trusting, more playful.

What is the kind of person you want to become? Patient and confident, responsive not reactive, a creative and compelling writer? These are just examples of personal qualities and strengths. Fill in the blanks with your own words.

Like the apple seed, in essence you contain the seed of every quality you would like to bring out into the world.

Apple in Tree
Apple in Tree | Source

How then to mature the seed into a fully developed tree?

Thousands of books have been published in the fields of self-help, self-improvement and personal development. They are full of tips and techniques for bringing out 'the person you desire to be.' There are scores of workshops which convey information and training in various traditions, modalities and approaches. Some people take the ideas like a recipe book and follow them unquestioningly while others filter them through their discernment and self-reflection.

After attending many workshops and reviewing about five hundred books as editor of Vision River Guide, also practicing scores of different traditions, techniques and modalities, I left it all behind for a more direct connection to the Higher Self.

Ten-step programs may sell well, and humans generally need some structure. No one can tell you the exact steps you have to take, however we can reflect, remind and bear gifts of insights to each other. You are a unique and complex being, with your own design and blueprint for this lifetime. You have the same access to your higher wisdom guide as every person has because it is a human birthright.

Any experience contains the magic of a deeper meaning. It is up to the person having it to pause, look deeper, and unwrap the gift of its lessons. When you put trust in your own innate strengths and truth, you will be guided to become the kind of person you have always wanted to be.

I am not what happened to me,
I am what I choose to become. — Carl Gustav Jung

What do you believe and why?

Are you the kind of person you want to be?

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How would you descibe the kind of person you have always wanted to be?

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    • profile image

      MYWIKISTEP 5 years ago

      There is always space to improve, be simple and true.

      Nice article!!

    • Emanate Presence profile image

      Gary R. Smith 5 years ago from the Head to the Heart

      Hi Chris,

      Kati and I talked about this over a brotchen and coffee this morning. When I see myself as an evolving universal human, I am always the kind of person I want to be. Like you said, a work in progress. And I feel much the same as you expressed. Thank you for reading the hub and writing your comment!

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 5 years ago from Missoula, Montana at least until March 2018

      Gary, all I can say in response to this challenging hub is that right now, at this point in my life, I am someplace between who I once was and who I will someday be. I'm a work in progress and not completely content with where I am but so happy I am not where I once was. I have seen videos before of Nick Vujicic and am always challenged. Thanks for the superb hub.