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How to Begin Forgiveness, Letting Go and Healing

Updated on October 1, 2017

Forgiveness and letting go is a process. We can also call it “healing”.

Unfortunately, it does not happen overnight!

The process will be different for everyone; there is no one perfect route to it. But no matter how long it takes, do it.

Forgive and eventually move on. There is hope.

I will speak of a few ways I have personally found elemental in my process of forgiveness, letting go and healing. I’ll have to say though, that it is not fool-proof. Along the way we may, trip again, slow down or have a long pause in between. Those are part of the deal. It’s all right.

Here are 3 things I personally think began my journey:

We all make mistakes, forgive yourself.
We all make mistakes, forgive yourself.

(1) Accept yourself and your flaws.

I have mentioned in a previous post how it has been painfully embarrassing for me to accept some of my flaws/mistakes. It was made particularly difficult as the flaw should have been my strength. I immediately felt ridiculed even when there was no one doing so. I ridiculed myself. But once we have accepted who we are, things become easier. It is truly possible that our strength is our very weakness.

You are not perfect. You make mistakes. You have flaws. Your flaws are part of what make you who you are. What you think of as a defect actually makes you far more interesting to others.

Also remember that you are on a journey; a process. Your mistakes and failures will help you improve. As flawed as you may be, you must accept yourself, flaws and all, if you are to make progress in your life.

Bad Choices don't make bad people.
Bad Choices don't make bad people.

(2) Remember, that your bad choice or decision does not necessarily make you a bad person.

You can make a wrong choice or decision while still being a good person. True enough, guilt and shame can make you feel like there is something wrong with you. But there is a very big difference between doing a bad thing and being a bad person. Often times, we get to do things we eventually regret. And of course we are likely to have a valid reason for doing it at the time; regardless if that reason doesn’t make rational sense.

It can happen and it often does, that you committed the mistakes and failures not because you are a fundamentally bad person. You had certain better intentions, or valid motives, behind your action. Realize you did what you thought was the best you could at the time. You are not a bad person. You just made an unfavorable choice.

Past is past.
Past is past.

(3) Past is the past.

Yesterday is done. There is nothing left to do about it. Keeping in mind that it is past helps us to open ourselves and be more accepting. Eventually the increased acceptance leads to the emotional healing we are all looking for.

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    • AlanDoughtyXIII profile image

      AlanDoughtyXIII 3 months ago

      Alas! My story is so horrible it makes a mock buster from Video Brinquedo directed by Uwe Boll look like a great film going experience by comparison. My story is so dark and feel-bad that it can turn a listener into an instant alcoholic. Indeed, even if I could afford it, I could not get enough booze to make my story agreeable; about halfway to that point, I would be dead from alcohol poisoning.

      I do not fear Hell. It could not possibly be worse than my life now.

    • Pheonix Gypsy profile image
      Author

      Ettiene 3 months ago from Philippines

      I'm sorry to know about your pain. Forgiveness and healing doesn't come easy. Maybe in time you can bring it to yourself. It's your choice. Own your story from your point of view and not from your parents. They have their own story to tell. Tell yours. No matter how bitter. Then, keep telling and listening to your own story.

    • Pheonix Gypsy profile image
      Author

      Ettiene 3 months ago from Philippines

      Thanks LaLalove03. It's never an easy road and there's no impossibility of not getting hung up but we have to choose to heal for our sake too. Glad you like it.

    • AlanDoughtyXIII profile image

      AlanDoughtyXIII 3 months ago

      What a lot of rubbish!

      Forgiveness. I would forgive my parents with ease if I did not have to live my life like Tantalus, when I did nothing to warrant it, just exist, because my mother and father thought creating a child was a good idea. Because I have to suffer so much for their bad judgment, I shall never forgive them, and I dream of visiting my estranged father just to punch him in the face and tell him that he should have used a condom.

      Or maybe hang myself after sending letters to both parents announcing the fact and denouncing them. There is just one thing crueler to a parent than a child's suicide, and it is their child killing himself and cursing the parent.

      Pity I could not bring myself to do it.

    • Pheonix Gypsy profile image
      Author

      Ettiene 3 months ago from Philippines

      I;m so happy to know that you are on the path to healing LaLalove03...remember to be kind to yourself along the way :) that's most important :)

    • profile image

      LaLalove03 3 months ago

      All I can say wow!!! You hit the nail on the head with is article!