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How to Deal With Infertility, Struggling With Infertility Pain and Options to Infertility

Updated on June 4, 2011

 

Struggling with infertility pain is hard

Finding out that you have infertility problem might be one of the most difficult things you will have to deal with. The only way to stay healthy is to know your options to infertility first and than make a decision which is acceptable for both partners.

People having fertility problems experience a big change and have to live with infertility pain for a longer period of time. Struggling with infertility is hard; life can become a prison, where all you think is your period, fertile days and pregnancy tests.

So, what’s the best way to deal with infertility?

Generally, there are two things that might help you gain a control over your life and start laughing again:

  • Make infertility decision which way to go. There are three possibilities and the sooner you make that choice, the closer you will be to your child. Possibilities are: natural conception, ART (Assisted Reproductive Technologies) and adoption.
  • Make emotional decision how long you will try. Knowing that any of those choices take at least two years to be realized, it wouldn’t be realistic to decide you will be trying only for 6 months. Say you will try for 3 or 4 years and that’s it. After that you will accept the fact that you will have a childless marriage or relationship.

When things are put this way, the couple has a clear goal in front of them and controls the whole thing. That makes them less vulnerable and sad. The fertility pain is smaller. This gives them hope and strength. The belief of success is stronger and the quality of life is generally improved.

How to deal with infertility pain

Strugling with infertility pain; how to deal with infertility
Strugling with infertility pain; how to deal with infertility

 

Options to infertility and how to make a fertility choice

Natural conception

 

Even though both you and your partner have infertility problems, getting pregnant naturally is still possible. Struggling with infertility can last for some time, but at the end you will end up happier than ever. I know this from my own experience. I got pregnant naturally after two years of trying and our lab reports were really bad. We both had problems, but natural conception was my choice. It wasn’t easy, there was a lot of disappointment, but we did it. Not only with one child, had we also done it with the second one.

 

If you decide to take this road, be sure to do the following:

  • Find people who had infertility problems and got the child naturally.
  • Ask them for advice, let them tell you what they did exactly.
  • Ask for doctor recommendation, as well as quality infertility sites.
  • Use alternative medicine to improve your fertility, it is very efficient.
  • BE PATIENT, it takes time to cure infertility naturally, don’t give up after 5 or 6 months and say it doesn’t work.
  • Change your diet, take supplements, make a general revision of your life.
  • Make a fertility plan for both partners, what kind of food you will eat, what things you .will do, which supplements you will take – TAKE CONTROL OVER SITUATION.
  • Herbs can also be helpful, combine them with supplements.

 

ARTs (Assisted Reproductive Technologies)

 

Some people think that this is a shortcut to desired pregnancy and they get very disappointed when they realize it is not as easy as it looks. This also takes time, but it also takes some money and a peace of your health. Struggling with infertility pain is even harder if you go through several unsuccessful procedures.

 

If you are sure ART is the right option for you, think about following:

  • Ask around, talk to the people who have gone through ivf or ICSI and learn as much as you can about the procedure.
  • Find the best clinic in your area. Even if it is more expensive, going twice through the same thing will be even more expensive at the end.
  • Talk to the doctor about the hormones you will have to take and learn their side effects.
  • Know your finances and how much you can spend.
  • Decide how many times you will have the procedure in case it is not successful the first or second time. Both financial and emotional component is important here.
  • Prepare yourself for the procedure as much as you can. Take supplements to improve your overall health and your immune system.
  • Take good probiotic in case you will have to take antibiotic (some clinics have it as a part of the standard procedure).
  • Teas are helpful; there is one herb which can help you strengthen the uterus muscles which can act as prevention from miscarriage.

ART is a good option for some people, who are maybe in their late 30’s or early 40’s and who don’t have too much time on their disposal. But, in this case it is good to be in good form and have good health status, so that body will be able to handle the stress caused by the hormones and the procedure.

 

Child adoption

 

One option that can also be great is a child adoption. Some people are so easy to embrace a child and think of it as their own, while some cannot imagine of having a child which is not their biological offspring. Offering a home for abandoned child is a noble thing, but there are also many things to pay attention here.

 

Be aware of the following:

  • Learn all the rules regarding child adoption, how old is ok to be in order to adopt the child and how long people usually wait.
  • Think about how your family will accept the child and how that child will feel when he/she comes to your home.
  • Although you are ready to accept the child as your own, maybe the child will never be able to forget the previous life, especially if he/she remembers his/her mother.
  • Some couples are lucky to adopt a baby, while some can only hope to get a 3 or 4 years old child. Talk about those possibilities and make a decision about what is acceptable for you.

My very close family member adopted a child. Although, this child is so happy to have a home like that and parents who really care about her, constantly fighting the ghosts from her past takes a lot of energy. She was old enough to remember her family and they are going through the same story over and over again. Every tense situation ends up with comparing her present family with the past one. This can be very difficult thing for a couple to deal with.

 

Emotional and financial choices, how to deal with infertility pain easier

 

The most important component of dealing with infertility pain is the emotional one.

Most women who have infertility problems go through several emotional phases. The first moment when they discover they have infertility problem is full of disbelief and numbness. Like a hit in the head. A woman is much more emotional than a man in this situation, because she might miss the opportunity to become biological mother and give birth. But, men are also hit by the fact they have decreased fertility and are unable to become fathers. The cause of the infertility is not important, whether is female or male or the both partners have problems, a couple will feel the same – depressed, sad, and not understood.

 

There are several feelings a couple will be going through when struggling with infertility pain:

  • Sadness and depression every time a period comes or the pregnancy test ends up negative.
  • Fear the a couple will never become biological parents.
  • The feeling that everything else is less important and that everything is scheduled according to fertile days and possible pregnancy.
  • Concern that it is impossible to have control over the things that will happen.
  • Fear that struggling with infertility will last forever.
  • Fear that one day there won’t be enough money to pursue the wish for a child.

 

 

Take control over the situation

 

So, now that you’ve made a choice between those three possibilities, you have to make some emotional and financial choices. The worst thing is when somebody else dictates the direction in which your life goes. So, sit down with your partner and decide what is acceptable and what is not acceptable for you from conception point of view.

If natural conception and natural pregnancy is your option, do everything you can to improve your fertility and conceive naturally. Take supplements, change your diet and lifestyle, and think about alternative medicine as additional help. Concentrate on other things as well, travel, relax, and spend time with people who don’t have kids. Decide how much time you will spend trying. Also make a financial plan for buying supplements, teas and medicine. It is also a good idea to know how long you will visit alternative medicine specialists and how much money you will spend on that kind of treatments.

If you decided to have ivf, first revise your finances and be sure how many procedures you can spend your money on. Decide also, how many times you will try. Choose the best clinic you can, even if it is a little more expensive. That will save your money and time. If you don’t succeed after 2 or 3 times or whatever you decide, just close that story and move on. I know it is very hard to move on and accept the fact of not having your own child. But, it will become easier over time, a lot easier than taking hormones and getting disappointed after every failed procedure during 10-year period of time.

If you would like to adopt a child, talk with your partner how old the child should be or at least how young a child needs to be in order to adopt it. Again, decide how long you will wait and how much money you can spend.

The biggest problem in dealing with infertility and struggling with infertility pain is time filled with negative emotions. This is why it is very important to set the goals and decide how much time you will spend in infertility struggle. That way you will take control over your life and start making decisions again, instead just wait for the things to happen.

Comments

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    • EmmaMedu profile imageAUTHOR

      EmmaMedu 

      6 years ago

      Jerry thank you for your comment. I agree with you that emotions cannot cure infertility, but it takes lots of time to acceppt those emotions and start being optimistic and positive.

    • profile image

      Jerry 

      6 years ago

      Useful hub this has been ...I would like to add that if a couple or relationship has not conceived after 12 months of unprotected sexual intercourse then they should consult a doctor & more important they should not blame each other.Emotion cannot cure your problem of infertility.Once again thanks a lot for sharing such an awesome hub..

      Visit:http://www.fullthrottleondemand.com/

    • EmmaMedu profile imageAUTHOR

      EmmaMedu 

      7 years ago

      I agree with you on this one. Blaming yourself or your partner is contraproductive and wrong. On the other hand, infertility is emotionaly very demandig and very hard to handle, so it's a natural thing to look something or someone to blame on.

      The worst thing about infertility is that nobady can tell you why it happened and that's why it is even harder to handle. So, people look someone to blame on, so they can feel less helpless.

    • sexyponkie profile image

      sexyponkie 

      7 years ago

      Great hub!! Just to add on, infertile women should not blame themselves.It is not your fault and sometimes it aint your husbands fault either. So work on moving forward with the problem and do it together

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