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How Elderly Abuse Starts at Yelling

Updated on October 21, 2013
Elderly  abuse should never happen but it does
Elderly abuse should never happen but it does


Nobody really wants to abuse their elderly parents. Most people would never dream of abusing their parents. Taking care of someone who has constant needs can where your patients. Most elderly suffer from some form of abuse under someones care.  Whether its from their own kids or a nursing home.

Nobody Wants to Abuse There Parents but it Happens

Everyday there are reported cases of elderly abuse. The abuse can occur anywhere in a hospital, nursing home or even in the home of the elderly. You can be the abuser. Taking care of your elderly parents is never easy. The frustration gets overwhelming and the stress.

Although nobody wants to be abusive toward there elderly parents it happens because you do not get sufficient help. Before you started caring for your parents you could go anywhere without watching your watch. You could just go whenever you wanted too. This can be quite difficult when your elderly parents cannot be left alone.

Just going to the grocery store becomes a problem. Even if you manage to get a nurse you always feel rushed.

Trying to get even the simplest projects around the house completed is near impossible because of having to stop what you're doing several times to help your elderly parent with some sort of need.

The doctor’s appointments over a period of time get overwhelming. You as the caretaker become resentful because you’re finding yourself in the doctors office more then anywhere else.

Convincing an elderly person to bathe or be bathed can be difficult.

Even the simplest things get on your nerves after a period of time. The abuser doesn’t want to yell and scream at there parents but often regrettably do because of the stress and aggravation.

Nursing homes are an alternative.  Honestly the ones I personally have had any experience with even the high dollar nursing homes. They appear nice but too often. I have visited only to question why my mother has the same clothes on she had on 4 days ago. Why does she smell of a strong urine odor?

I also see that the nursing home patients just sit around sleeping in there wheel chairs not having any social stimulus.

Visiting nurses are great! The problem with visiting nurses they change often unless you’re lucky enough to get the same nurses. The other problem is they come on a schedule and some times you may not need them or want them that day. Then there are days you’re pulling your hair out and just need to get away for a few hours but it seem when that happens there is no nurse scheduled to come.

Friends and family promise to help at any time but they always have something more important to take care of. People that have never had to take care of someone else are quick to judge.

They can’t see why you need help?  All they see is this sweet old man or old lady. They think honestly! How much trouble can they be because there not there 24/7. They usually come for short visits so they don’t understand. Why your sitting there crying and pulling your hair out?

With all that being said you’re not alone although it feels like you are. It’s easy to lose control of your anger when you’re in a situation such as this or worse.

If you find yourself yelling at your elderly parents more then showing them love or forcing them to take a bath when there not willing. It might not be out right abuse but it’s a negative energy that is projected on your loved one.

This is when you should seek extra help. If you keep going like you are you will become very resentful to your elderly parents. This can cause you to hurt the one you love the most.


When you’re feeling overwhelmed, angry and frustrated here is some suggestions to get some temporary relief when you can’t get away or get help.

Call someone you trust.  Someone who is a good listener or offers suggestions that will make things easier for you.

Get on the Internet there are a lot of forums and groups that you can join. You will see real quickly you’re not alone. Reading other caregivers or caretakers stories really helps you don’t feel so alone.

Sharing your story helps you a lot and it helps others that can relate to you.

Read the suggestions other caretakers share to make caretaking easier. Share your tips get involved with the people who you relate to the most.

Last but not least take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest eat properly and take care of your hygiene. When you’re a caretaker and your so focus on someone else’s needs you tend to forget your own needs.


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    • profile image

      velma witkowski 

      8 years ago

      If you cannot take it don't ! It is simple. She might not even know what your doing and love you for it later. This is terrible , this can drain you 100 percent and after that what can you do , then your nuts. Go with your gut and get her in there and visit her in Peace! Gosh ,I am a home health Aide and it takes years for someone to expire so in some cases I might add. But, to kill yourself needlessly in wrong. If she refuses a home health aide. She is putting it all on you! Guilt Trip. Go and put her in there and let nature take it's course. See what happens, she might not even care after a while and say it is ok! You will see if you take a step God is with you 100 percent. This is a tough job and you are not Superman remember that. This takes years to get through this and it is tough. Take care of yourself as well . There are support Groups out there and please call them or a Social Worker and check it out Please. Saving your Sanity is God Calling you to get ready and do something. Get out of there and fast and then look back and see , breath Hindsight is 20/20. God Bless you for trying......

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I had to move in with my 93 year old mother a year ago. Her memory is getting worse. She is able to walk around, do her laundry, and even cook for herself. She is pretty healthy medically for her age. She is starting to have balance problems and her memory is failing. I go shopping, pay all her bills, get her to the doctors, and socialize with her. I am her ONLY child that lives close by. My brother lives in Japan with his wife and young chld. My children are grown and on their own. I believed I had a good relationship with my mother growing up. She was a tad controlling and very critical but she is my mom and I love her so much...After a year here our relationship has changed. I find I am arguing with her ALL the time and she is arguing back at me...Its about her forgetting her medications, refuses to use a walker, diapers..everything. I have found myself crying to my adult kids. YES, the kids do come and help sometimes and even stay with grandma for a weekend while I can get away. I HATE living with my mother. I also feel guilty after we argue and know I am on borrowed time with her since she is almost 94. I don't want to have this year reflect her or mines entire life. Its horrible. I must say that my mother HAS the money to have a live in caregiver at home. She REFUSES to allow this. She lets me get a caregiver ONCE a week. She has fallen and broken ribs a few months ago. She is so stubborn. I will NOT put her in a nursing that is out of the question. Should I just hire the live in against her wishes??? She forgets things but still has her mind...One last thing..I am an RN and I work outside the home FULL TIME.

      so I DO know what I am up against...I also know the dynamics of dementia and WHY my mother acts the way she does...childlike and unable to focus or comprehend many things...I really wish I did NOT have to live with my mother. I left my home to come to hers. I just am unable to stop being frustrated and upset all the time. She pushes my buttons and knows which buttons to push...haha..Smart old lady...I am thinking about just telling her it's a nursing home..(it will never be that) or a live in caregiver....just so she lets me get help for her. I am sure if I called her bluff she would tell me to put her in a nursing my sanity..haha

    • Winter Maclen profile image


      8 years ago from Illinois

      I work in a field with the elderly - with and without family support - all day long. The more you know going in, the better, more prepared you are. Articles like this to what caring takes and helps other prepare.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Well written hub! Me and my husband took care of his mother for years. She was a diabetic with Alzheimer. The stress of caring for his mother almost ended our marriage. The stress was unbelievable! We were always yelling at each other and yelling at her. We always asked her for forgiveness. I am glad I made peace with her and made her laugh and read my bible to her 2 days before she died! I am surprised you don't have many comments. Well written and truthful article!

    • K. Burns Darling profile image

      Kristen Burns-Darling 

      8 years ago from Orange County, California

      I am the primary caregiver to my 77 year old father who is suffering from Alzheimer's related dementia, along with a host of physical ailments. You are correct when you say that your life is no longer your own, and that people promise to help, but most are then to busy to do so when you need them. My father can be a handful now, sometimes sullen and angry, sometimes petulant and child-like, he can aggravate me to no end, but in the end, what matters to me most are his health and well being. When I was younger, he could make me so mad sometimes....Now days, I have vowed that no matter what he does, I will not be angry with him, for I don't want to spend what precious time we have left together in that way. I don't believe that I would ever be capable of abusing my father, just as I am not capable of abusing my children, or for that matter anyone else. Will I feel frustrated at times? Yes, but I know my limits and I know when I need a timeout, and so I take one. Some people are suited to caring for others, and some are not... I have a sister who loves my father as I do, but who's temperament is the polar opposite of mine. She is not suited for taking care of my dad on a full time basis, it isn't her nature. We both know it. Which is why I take care of him and she visits. There are choices and alternatives to how your elderly parent is cared for, each case is different, and must be evaluated as such. A person should know before taking on this role what they are and are not capable of, there is no shame in being, like my sister, a person who is just not cut out to care an elderly person full-time, each person should only do what they are capable of doing. If you know that you are an impatient person, or a person who has a short fuse, then NO you should absolutely not take on the role of full-time doesn't mean that you don't love your parent, and it doesn't mean that you cannot be means that you love your elderly parent enough to know what your limitations are, and to act accordingly. As I said, there are alternatives, it doesn't have to be one or the other. It may take a unique blend of several different elements to find the right way to care for your parent or family member. It isn't easy, and there are trade offs, but in the end, I have discovered that there are some priceless rewards tucked in among those trade-offs, such as moments in time with my father that if I weren't his caregiver, I would miss, and be unable to get that time back. Good hub, with some relevant and useful tips for the caregiver. I look forward to reading more hubs by you.


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